UPJOKE
friendshipromanceboyfriendresearchplatonic lovelgbtdatingromantic lovemoresnew york timesshaha rizaworld bankpaul wolfowitz

Girl Friend Jokes

Last year a guy took his Blonde girl friend to the Superbowl

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the

tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't

understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."<...

I threw a surprise bukkake party for a girl friend of mine.

Everybody came. You should have seen her face.

I went to a seafood restaurant with my new girl friend

I’m not a big seafood guy so I asked if they had any not sea food. The waitress looked at me appalled and shortly after I was asked to leave by the manager. My gf also dumped me because she said she won’t date an anti semite.

My girl friend broke up with me because I listen to linkin park all the time.

But in the end, It doesn't even matter.

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend"…

…is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girl friend is a sex object.

When I ask for sex, she objects.

My girl friend changed ever since she became vegan.

It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.

I just broke up with my girl friend, I caught her lying…

under another man.

The only time my girl friend will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER"...

...is when they are lowering my casket into the ground!

A friend of mine broke up with his cross-eyed Girl Friend...

They just weren't seeing eye to eye, and I heard she was seeing someone on the side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boy VS Girl Friends

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: “You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you’ll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. Whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl friend of a boy starts farting at the dinning table...and she feels that no one has noticed it.....but....

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is tobe her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains...

What's the difference between call girl, girl friend and wife?

Prepaid, postpaid and unlimited

So I was about to propose to my girl friend when. . .

My roommate Joseph, barged into the room out of no where and tripped over a glass table, breaking it with his face. Totally ruining the mood.

Now I don't know Joseph that well, don't even know where he's from, but I decided to put my plans on hold to help him with his injury.

Joseph ha...

Yesterday was National Girlfriend day and my girl friend really enjoyed it ..

... my wife .. not so much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girl friend calls me bill gates when we have sex

Because I'm micro-soft.

I have a Pakistani girl friend.

Last night she said that she wanted to blow me. Now I wasn't sure if I should lower my pants or call the cops.

My girl friend likes to FaceTime me when she’s taking a pee.

I don’t think that’s what Steve Jobs had in mind when he was talking about live streaming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny shows his new watch to his girl friend

Johnny shows his new watch to his girl friend.

Johnny: My watch says you are not a virgin

Girl: But I'm still a virgin

Johnny: My watch is 20 minutes fast

My girl friend is like the square root of negative 100.

She's a perfect 10, but imaginary.

My girl friend wanted a nose job...

So I tried. But her nostrils weren't big enough.

My girl friend enjoys S&M comedies.

Usually slapsdick.

The only thing my girl friend blows

Is everything out of proportion

My new girl friend.

Just got a new Czech girlfriend, but its taken her nearly 5 days to hoover the house. Turns out she's a Slovak.

A friend of mine hosted a party to help him get over his girl friend dumping him.

Three of us showed up. I brought a deck of cards,and suggested we play a game.

He refused, saying we needed to wait for atleast one more person to show up.

No wonder his girlfriend dumped him. He hated four play.

My girl friend said you act to much like a detective we should split up

I said good idea we can cover more ground that way

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man offers a woman 100 dollars for sex.

He tells her "Excuse me miss, I will pay you 100 dollars if you have sex with me."
The woman quickly responds saying "I won't have sex with you for so little money. My boyfriend would be furious!"

The man then changes his offer "Okay how about this? I will drop the 100 dollars onto the fl...

I was having trouble with my motorbike so I arrived late at my girl friend's ...

she asked "what happened?"

I replied "piston broke",

and she said " I know you are, but what happened?"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.