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Feeling Sick Jokes

Are you sweating whilst putting fuel in your car? Feeling sick when paying?

You have got the carownervirus

Feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump

You could call it the car owner virus

A man is feeling sick.

A man is feeling sick and goes to the doctor. The doctor runs many test on him and comes to him about an hour later.

"I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?"

The man exclaims,

" The good news of course!"

The doctor then says,

"Well, the good news ...

My young child is feeling sick

Fortunately he's only showing minor symptoms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I'm groping the balls of the storm."

The manager hesitated for a moment on the phone. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he asked the newly hired immigrant worker.

"I...rub the storm...balls?" the man said, coughing.

Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice. <...

A gangster in Soviet prison goes to the doctor. "Doctor, I'm feeling sick."

The doctor frowns and takes a good look at him. "Have you been drinking?"

"Yes, doctor..."

"Then come back tomorrow when you've sobered up."

The next day, the convict shows up at the doctor's again. "Doctor, I'm still not feeling well."

"Are you sober?"

"I haven't ...

I was feeling sick and went to the doctor to make sure I didn't have the Coronavirus

Doctor: Have you been abroad?

Me: No, I've been a man for my entire life

A guy asked his boss for a day off because he was feeling sick.

His boss told him : “When I’m feeling sick,I kiss my wife and kids,and my illness goes away.Try it.”

Ok - said the employee,

An hour passes and the boss asks him how it went.

The employee replies : “It was hard at first because she refused,but then your wife agreed and my illne...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sick day.

A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a blow job. Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."

He call...

A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town...

After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. ''Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?'' asked the man. ''Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a oreo cookie,'' said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cros...

skipping church

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.

As soon as the Associate ...

A timid little man was terrified of flying, and was on a long distance trip.

He was on his first ever flight, and he had the window seat. Besides him sat a giant man, heavily tattooed, and not smelling the cleanest.

After the plane took off, the timid little fellow soon found himself feeling sick. But he didn't know how to get past the large fellow that sat between ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You and 2 friends of yours walk through a forest

after a while you lot stumble upon a hut, from which a weird old lady, resembling a witch, comes out from. She slowly says
*"...do not step on the purple flower..."*
and then goes back into her hut.

A little confused, you exchange looks with your friends, shrug, and keep walking.
...

A doctor is going around doing house calls with his new postdoc assistant.

Before entering the first house, he tells him: "I'm sure you think you learned everything you needed to know about the job, but you'll have to learn how to observe the patients and their habits if you want to diagnose them properly."

They go to the first patient, a bed-ridden woman. The docto...

There's a new machine at my gym.

I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick...

It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chinese Sick Leave

Wong calls his boss in the morning telling him he was feeling sick and couldn't come to work.

His boss says, "You know what Wong? Sometimes when I feel sick I ask my wife for sex. I feel better then. You should do the same."

Wong agrees and three hours later he calls his boss again....

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

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