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Davy Jokes

How many ears does Davy Crocket have?

Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the Wild Front Ear!

Davy Jones was a lucky man

He had 3 grown men fighting for his heart

What does Davy Jones like to work out the most on his body?

His dead man's chest.

Davy: "Johnny, aren't you coming out to play today?"

Johnny: "No, I have to stay in and help my father with my homework."

How does Davy Crockett prefer his pie?

Alamo'd

You've probably heard of Davy Jones' locker, but do you know who Davy Jones is?

He's a Sea-Monkee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tried to buy a Charlie Brown LP on ebay and got a Davy Jones album instead.

You know what they say.

You pay Peanuts, you get Monkees.

What did Davy Crockett say when he looked over The Alamo wall and saw 5,000 Mexican Soldiers?

"Who the hell ordered a new roof?"

I didn't believe that a friend had a picture of his mom after a bukkake party with Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, Peter Tork, and Davy Jones.

But then I saw her face...

What does a pirate do before working out at the gym?

Changes in Davy Jones's locker room.

Prince Charles decides to visit Perth

The future King has not been getting a great reception in the United Kingdom so decides to go somewhere more remote. Not long after his arrival in Perth, he is walking down the Hay Street Mall with an interesting choice of head wear. A Davy Crocket style hat, real fox fur with the tail at the back, ...

What’s a pirates favourite paint?

Davy Jones Lacquer.

At The Alamo

So Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie were standing above the gates of the Alamo. When they looked down they saw 30,000 angry Mexicans out on the field.


Confused, Davy looks over at Jim and says, "Damn dude, just how much concrete did you order?"

What do you call a shoe shop at the bottom of the sea?

Davy Jones's foot locker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's the last day of school and Little Johnny is ready to go home.

The teacher says, "To be dismissed from class and go to the playground while you wait for your parents to pick you up, you have to answer a history question correctly."

Teacher asks, "Who was the 1st president? Maria?"

Maria says, "That's easy, George Washington!"

"Very good, yo...

4th of July Alcohol puns: American Heroes edition.

So this all started with Abraham Drinkin.

Help us come up with more. It has to be a character from American History to celebrate today as well as some sort of alcohol theme.

Here's what we have so far (some are better than others) :

Abraham Drinkin

John Wilkes Booze
...

Irish Vs. English

An English naval vessel is called to attention by an Irish Guard.

Irish: Aye, approaching vessel, I advise ye turn 15 degrees south to avoid a collision.

The English Captain replies: "Negative, sir. We advise you redirect 15 degrees north to avoid said collision."

Irish: I repea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Injured Pirate Captain

An old pirate captain was having a talk with a young pirate captain out on the docks.

They joked for a bit until the young captain gets the courage to ask: “What happened to your leg?”

The old captain was eager to respond: “Oh this ‘ere leg? Well ye see lad, I was in a chase with an en...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Peg-Legged, Hook-Handed, One-Eyed Pirate...

After thirteen months of sailing the seven seas, a battle-worn schooner filled to the brim with booty and booze makes port in the rag-tag pirate isle of Tortuga.

The captain - a buccaneer known the world over for his utter lack of mercy, his terrible greed, and his hearty girth - lumbers off ...

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