UPJOKE
finite setcountable setnull setmathematicssetsubsetnegligible setgeneralisedinfinite setuncountable setreal numberreal lineeuclidean spacegraphmeasure theory

Almost All Jokes

Almost all coins look the same

This must be what we call a coincidence

My friend decided to quit almost all social media, but suddenly got addicted to the latest one by Meta.

He is hanging on…by a Thread.

Almost all Mazdas are hybrid cars

They burn both gas and engine oil

Almost all the hotels I usually stay at are closed

I had to go with my last resort

I can get almost all of my friends to do stupid stuff by simply saying, "YOLO"

It never seems to work with my Hindu friends though.

I am pretty good at almost all areas of Math

But graphing is where I draw the line

Almost all the girls I check out give me their number...

To get the discount for their groceries of course

Almost all scientists agree that people get their pants from monkeys and what's even worse

is that they also say that our jeans are responsible for the vast majority of our physical appearance!

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on ...

I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred....

Almost all of them replied, "How the hell did you get in here?"

A magician worked on a cruise ship...

.....the audience was different each week so the
magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot
saw the shows each week and began to understand
how the Magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the ...

Reddit has become great for the planet

Almost all content is now post-consumer recycled

The Case Of The Industrial Fire

The industrial fire had been raging for a few hours and no one was able to stop it. Someone called all the fire stations in the nearby towns, and almost all of them were there within minutes. Despite managing to contain the fire by forming a circle around it, the center was still going strong, with ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A farmer sells his peaches door to door

A peach farmer decides to sell his peaches door to door. He knocks on an apartment door and this gorgeous lady wearing a teddy opens the door.
The farmer stutters in surprise and asks if she would like some peaches. He shows her one and “says they are firm, subtle and very nice to the touch.”...

The Ford Edge..

For when you want to get almost all the way there.

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