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The Birds And The Bees Jokes

I finally sat down with my teenage daughter and had a chat about "The Birds and the Bees."

I learned a lot.

I asked my father where babies come from. He said son, someday I will tell you about the birds and the bees.

One day I saw a bird eat a bee and never asked again

Don’t tell me about the Birds and the Bees

A father asked his ten year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know,” the child said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.” The dad was perplexed. “Why don’t you want to know?”

“When I was six, I got the ‘there’s no Easter bunny speech.’ When I wa...

One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees

"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"

They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.

Daddy, can you tell me about the birds and the bees

Son: daddy can you tell me about the birds and the bees?

Dad: well bee stands for the male and the bird stands for the female.

When 2 people love each other very much, the bee stings the bird essentially giving his life and the bird gets a pain in the ass

Pedro and Maria got married. Pedro was a 'man about town' so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.

Pedro was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack. When Pedro was undressing Maria said "Oh Pedro, what is that?" Pedro being very quick thinking said "Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these" and then ...

I told my son about the birds and the bees.

He then told me about the postman and my wife.

Idk about you guys but my parents never taught me about "the birds and the bees."

So when it came down to doing it, I had no idea how to extract honey from a beehive

The birds and the bees

Little Johnny's Pa decided that Johnny had gotten old enough to learn about the birds and the bees. The problem was, he didn't know how to approach the subject.

So, sitting on the back porch one day, he starts to tell Little Johnny what's involved, but he keeps tripping over his own words. F...

My dad told me about the birds and the bees today...

Then he gave me a broom and told me to clear them out of the attic.

Dracula was giving his son the birds and the bees talk.

Dracula: so when two monsters love each other very much,

Son: I know, they mash.

Drac: Yes! They do the monster mash!

The Birds and the Bees

A boy hears weird noises coming from his parent's bedroom at night. In the morning he asks them what the noise was about last night. His dad replies, "son, we were making cake". The next morning, the son comes downstairs and excitedly asks his parents if they were making cake last night. His dad rep...

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The Birds and The Bees

A teacher was giving her six-year-olds class their first lesson about the birds and the bees.

"When you grow up, you will get married and after about a year, a bird called a stork will fly in through the window and deliver a baby." A hand goes up at the back of the class.

"Yes, Little ...

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A father tells his son it's time he learned about the birds and the bees.

Upon hearing this, the son freaks out. The father looks on in puzzlement at his son's emotional metldown.

"What the heck's the matter with you?" he asks.

"Dad, when I was 8, you said we had to have a talk about the Tooth Fairy, and you told me she wasn't real. A little part of me died...

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A teen girl is talking to her mother about the birds and the bees.

She asks her mother if it's possible to get pregnant from anal sex. The mother says, "Why yes, that's how lawyers are born!"

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My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe ...

The Talk

Dad: Son, I think it’s time we have the talk.

Son: Ok dad, but what’s the talk.

Dad: It’s called the birds and the bees.

Son: Ok, explain it.

Dad: Well the boys are the bees because they have a stinger, ok. The girls are called the birds because they won’t shut up.

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A concerned wife goes to her husband...

"Honey, I know we said we would wait to give our little girl the birds and the bees talk, but I think it's about time."

He inquiries as to why she thinks this. Their daughter, while almost a teen, is still rather young.

"Well, I caught her masturbating."

"~~Prosperous~~ Prepost...

Fast enough, I think . . .

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, taking in the whole event.

The man thought to himself, “Great. He’s four and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask...

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Father and son are shopping in a grocery store and the son asks “dad what are these for?”

*pointing at the condoms*

Dad: oh well son, remember the birds and the bees? Well those are something you use for protection

Son: what’s this 3 pack?

Dad: those are for high school kids, just getting starting.. 1 Friday, 1 Saturday and 1 Sunday

Son: this 6 back?

D...

What a kid I got

I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

'creds: Rodney Dangerfield'

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Shrimp

A little boy runs into the kitchen where his mother is making Thanksgiving dinner "Mama, Mama, Grandma's in the living room with her shrimps hanging out!"

The mother, a little confused, finishes up what she's doing and goes in to investigate. Sure enough, there's Grandma, who is a little out...

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Why is it called extra virgin olive oil?

Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.

What is it when people sleep on top of each other?

Little Katy asked grandma 'what is it when people sleep on top of each other'

Grandma thinking Katy was old enough explained to her the birds and the bees.

Katy ran off but came back quickly saying:

"Grandma, mommy wants to see you right now and she is really mad! She said it ...

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