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Strang Jokes

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It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

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A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, ...

“Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?”

“Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That’s because I’ve laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.”

“Joke’s on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.”

My wife said, “The Last of Us is a strange show, don’t you agree?”

Me: Yeah, but I’ve seen Stranger Things on Netflix.

A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"...

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the mo...

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A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hidin...

When I was little, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason!

So I've worked all my life to invent a time machine of my own, and I'm going back to when he was little and we'll see how he likes the taste of his own medicine.

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A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. As...

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After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange.

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."

Husband: "What’s up?"

Wife: "According t...

King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease

... and only an old ugly witch can cure him. But the witch demanded a young handsome knight for husband, and Galahad took it for the team and married her. On the night of the wedding, the witch turned into a beautiful woman and offered Galahad the choice, she can be old and ugly during the day, and ...

The strange case of albinism

An American anthropologist has been studying a tribe in Africa by living with them for a year.

One day, the chief called him into the chief's hut.

The chief sighed. "Well, my friend, it seems that we must ask you to leave." The anthropologist was surprised by this; he thought he had ...

Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.

He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when h...

A Strange Undertaking

A lady was at the funeral parlor to see how they had prepared her deceased husband for the viewing.

She complained to the director that her husband was dressed in a black suit. Her brother in law had dropped off the black one and she said that her husband hated that suit and he preferred a l...

A man discovers a strange tradition at a resort

A man walks into a resort and the first sign he sees says “Lool Area”. He was confused and asked one of the employees about it.
“Yes, we have this tradition here where we replace the first ‘P’ of a word that starts with P with an ‘L’”
The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were...

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I bought a Ouija board recently from a strange old man...

I got it home, laid out the pieces and before I could even ask it a question the planchette started to move around, it eventually spelt

I'VE GOT A MESSAGE TO YOU


'What is your message?' I asked.

YOU SHOULD BE DANCING

Fear started flushing over me, 'Why s...

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa, which is strange

You’d think he was from mad-at-gas-car.

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My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange for movie night, but I said no.

I had Stranger Things to watch.

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A doctor, while on rounds at the hospital, notices an intern looking at him strangely.

The intern says, "Doctor, you have a thermometer tucked behind your ear." The doctor pulled the thermometer from behind his ear, looked at it and exclaimed, "Damn it, some asshole's got my pencil!"

A woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, "Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?"

Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?"

The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin."...

Dr Strange: Knock knock.

**Dormammu:** Who's there?

**Dr Strange:** Door mom.

**Dormammu:** Door mom who?

**Dr Strange:** I've come to bargain.

My wife tells everybody she sleeps with a strange man.

Yet every night there's only the two of us in bed.

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StRaNgE EnCoUnTeRs

It’s the 7.55 service from Paddington to Plymouth and a man
finds himself sat across the aisle from a beautiful woman.
She is reading a large book and as he looks closer at it he
realises it’s a book on sexual statistics.
“That looks an interesting book,” he remarks.
She smiles at him...

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The strange sound

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a st...

My furry friend told me his strange fetish of being vored by a squirrel.

Told him he's gotta be nuts

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

I found it strange that my cat liked Carmina Burana

Then I heard that the most popular tune from it is O fortuna

(In case I am “not funny”, it’s a pun on Oh for Tuna). Geddit?

A strange case of flatulence!

A man goes to see his doctor and says
"This is really quite embarrassing doctor."
The doctor says "I have seen everything, what's the problem?"
The man says "well, every time I break wind it comes out of me with the word Honda."
The doctor says "mmm, take your trousers and pants off and...

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Sy...

What is Doctor Strange’s favorite pizza?

Sorcerer’s Supreme

It’s cheesy, I know.

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What a strange bar (long)

A salesman had to make a cold call in a city he had never visited. He checked into a hotel the night before his presentation. Bored, he decided to take a walk and find a bar nearby. He found a nice little bar about a block away, sat down at a table and ordered a drink. He noticed 4 walnuts sitti...

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Girls, if your man starts acting strange while sexting;

Send him a picture of a naked grandma, then send him a picture of your boobs. He just needs turning off and back on again.

Be careful about emails from weird addresses with long links or strange files attached

They could be from your parents

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There were a couple of strange items at the estate sale of a eccentric collector. One was a couple of Dolly Parton's used bras, the other King Edwards used Enema...

The appraiser was surprised that they sold at all, especially the used enema, as it still had fecal matter on it. What surprised him most is that the enema actually sold for more money than the bras. The auctioneer wasn't surprised at all because he plays poker and knows that a royal flush always ...

A strange man in my kitchen at 2am:

"Hi, I'm Bernie the burglar."

"Right. I'm Colin the police."

Americans have a strange dialect.

It's all "sneakers" instead of "trainers"...

... and "sweater" instead of "jumper"...

... and "shooting range" instead of "high school"...

Strange panties..

A wife goes on a trip for work.  
When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her. 

Furious, she questions her husband.  
The husband says, “I have no idea where they came from I don’t do the laundry!” 

So, the wife goes to the maid and ques...

We have a strange custom in our office...

The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Michael".

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Strange Anatomy

These two Italian brothers own a garage. They hire this Korean guy as a mechanic. One morning the brothers go to open the garage and they find the Korean guy in the alley and he's dead. They call the police.

Cop: What was his full name?
Tony: I don't know. We called him Park.

Cop:...

A very unlucky man finds a strange looking lamp, and when he touches it, a genie pops out.

The genie tells him he has one wish

The man says "Wow, finally my bad luck will come to an end!"

After thinking about it for a long time, he says "I wish I had the midas touch"

The genie grants his wish, and for the rest of that mans life everything he touched turned into a muf...

When I was a young man, I dreamed of sleeping with a strange woman every night.....

What I didn't realize was that it would be the same one!

Wife has strange ways of starting a conversation..

... out of nowhere she'll ask me: are you even listening at all?

A woman dies and goes to the gates of heaven.

When she gets there, she is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Fina...

Strange medical issue

Guy, suddenly feeling quite 'off ' makes an appointment to see his doctor. When he finally sees his doctor, the doc asks "so what's going on?". The guy replies "well doc, it's weird but I can suddenly tell future". Perplexed, the doctor asks "well when did this start?" The man replies "next Tuesday"...

A guy goes to a psychiatrist to see about his strange dreaming...

"doctor I'm dreaming everynight about a soccer tournament for ants. It's on everynight. They went though a group stage, a knockout phase and its the only thing I'm dreaming about the last week, it's driving me nuts."

so the doctor says: "well, that's easy, just take this medicine before going...

It's been a bit of a strange day...

First I found a hat full of money... Then I got
chased down the road by an angry man with a
guitar?

Strangely, my son farts a lot whenever it's Halloween.

That's why he always dresses up as Jack the Ripper.

It’s strange how African superheroes have the same origin story..

They’re all from Cape Town

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A female having 12 breasts sound strange !!

Dozen tit

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"I'm sorry." The Judge asked Tony Stark. "You want to divorce Mrs. Potts because she's a tad weird?"

"No!" Tony exclaimed. "I want to divorce her because she's fucking Strange."

After rewatching Doctor Strange use the Eye of Agamotto

I thought that it would be a good idea to list other lesser known, possibly not as powerful, Eye Relics for those who may not know of their existence.

The Eye of Hellomoto: Helps improve Motorola phone reception.

The Eye of Pickamoco: Aids in clearing the nasal cavity of any sorcerer...

Beethoven was exhumed after strange sounds were heard coming from his grave.

They opened the coffin and saw him furiously erasing his works.

He was decomposing.

Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:

“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”

“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the intervie...

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Strange how people think Mules do better work than Donkeys.

Especially considering Mules only do a half Ass job.

Does anyone else feel strange looking into a mirror?

Maybe it’s just me.

I met someone with halitosis last night. He had some strange ideas but, oddly enough,

everything he said made scents

A man has a strange request for his doctor...

Credit to u/tenebralupo for the last time I recall this joke being posted here. I thought it'd be funny, so enjoy!

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Some guy walks into his doctor's office.

"Good morning. Are you here for a checkup?"

"Not really. I've decided I want to be castrated."

"Castrat...

Subreddit names are very strange

It always seems to be the opposite of what the subreddit is about

For example r/trees is about marijuana,

r/marijuanaenthusiasts is about trees...

And then there’s r/funny

A cowboy rides into a strange town and sees carpenters finishing work on a gallows....

He sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, "Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?"

The guy nods. "Yup. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."

The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"

"Well," says the guy, "the man always wea...

The law is very strange thing...

If the government finds oil in your backyard, it is theirs.

If they find marijuana, it is yours...

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted

I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.

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A Strange Date

A young man, out on the tiles with his mates, spies the girl of his Dreams across a dance floor.

Having admired her from afar, he finally gets up the courage to talk to her.

Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening. ...

Strange game of truth or dare

I was at this party the other night, with my Asian friend, Yu. This guy is always down to to anything, so I bring him along wherever I go. Real life of the party, if you know what I mean. Anyways, me and my friends had this really strange twist on truth or dare, we invented a new type of dare called...

My dad had this strange obsession with collecting bottles!

Would be one way to say he’s an alcoholic.

As a gamer I find it strange that Biden was declared the winner...

Trump had way more kills

Archibald Strange was an honest lawyer (no, that isn't the joke)

He was getting old, so he went to the undertaker to plan what his grave would be.

"I want it to say 'Here lies Archibald Strange, a lawyer and an honest man,'" he said.

"I can't do that," replied the undertaker, "People would think I was burying multiple people in the same grave. I'll ...

Dating in rural towns is strange.

When a girl says daddy it’s hard to tell if it’s a fetish thing or if she’s thinking about her ex.

A strange woman approached me in a shady bar.

She winked, and said "For $50, darling, I'll do stuff for you your wife would never do."

I gave her $50, got her to do the ironing.

I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

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It's strange...

My grandfather died when I was 5, and I can't remember what he looked like, but oddly enough I can remember the last thing he said to me.

”Don't point that at me, you fuckin' idiot!"

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The British are very strange people.

They call pants ‘trousers’, shopping carts ‘trolleys’ and 6.7 raccoons in a human suit ‘Prince Phillip’.

The mind of a fool is immune to change, and who can think it strange? The reasons clear for all to know...

A fool has no mind to change.

I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper, and a very strange look on his face yesterday

I think he may be plotting something.

Lawyer named strange

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone....

Four men and their wives are having babies…

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies

A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.”

“That's odd,” answers the man

“I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congr...

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The strange painting

John and Michelle are out on a date at an art gallery. They're walking around, looking at art, discussing the paintings, and generally having a good time. Eventually they come across a very strange painting that they can't seem to make heads or tails of. It's a large canvas called "Home for Lunch," ...

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A long strange trip

So a professor gets on a bus and the only other passenger is a farmer man. The professor, who takes a seat by this farmer starts chatting to him and they get to know each other a little bit. The professor says while they are talking “I’m pretty smart, and I know a lot of things and this trip will ta...

Strange Neighbors

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.

After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.

‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are some reall...

Soccer is a strange game.

Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.

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A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted,...

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Dedicated to Amber Heard

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and ...

Doctor, I keep hearing strange voices from my underpants

Patient: Doctor, I keep hearing strange voices from my underpants

Doctor: Ignore them, they're talking bollocks

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A Strange Woman Looked Into My Window This Morning and Saw Me Masturbating Furiously.

Thankfully, after about ten seconds of embarrassing silence, the light turned green.

Just had a strange phone survey

They asked:

* How’s the knee feeling?
* Do you prefer shorts or long pants?
* Do you ever get cramps in your calf area?

I interrupted and said, “Hey, this is weird. Why are you asking such strange questions?”

The surveyor laughed and said, “I’m just polling your leg. “

A strange man asks, "What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?"

I don't care please just get out of my house!

Trumpets and Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.

One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"

"So?"

"Well, let me put it th...

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A girl goes to the doctor’s complaining of a strange mark on her chest.

When she shows it to the doctor, he sees a letter C imprinted on her breasts.

“How did you get this?” he enquires.

“It’s my boyfriend. He wears a medallion around his neck which has a C on the end of it, representing the university he goes to – Cambridge. And when we make love, it pres...

Jehovah’s Witnesses have some strange beliefs.

Like they believe I’m gonna open the door.

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathb...

You know what's strange about math?

Odd numbers.

I visited a strange, small shop on my trip to Egypt...

They had some really weird goods for sale. Honestly, the whole thing was just a little bazaar.

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A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking at each...

A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking at each other for hundreds of years out in a park. One day a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds from...

Strange music

In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.

A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-soundin...

“A friend of mine developed a strange addiction and drinks brake fluid.

When I warned him of the dangers, He said " No worries, I can stop anytime."

Strange Jigsaw Puzzle

A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the peices. She tries to put it together....After a while of trying she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend...Her boyfriend says: Honey whats wrongThe Blonde says: Im trying to put this puzzle together but I can't do ...

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It's strange to work in a hospital

You know, in one room there's a father holding his son for the first time, in another room there's a son holding his father for the last time. And then in another room there is a guy with a remote stuck in his anus. It's the circle of life.

Isn't it strange how sometimes a random 80s rap song will start playing in your head for no reason?

I guess we just have to accept that the brain is a very complex organ, because it's like that, and that's the way it is.

James Bond wakes up in a strange prison cell.

His head is bursting, he feels nauseous, he's been beaten up, he looks at his reflection in toilet bowl water and sees he has a black eye, and cuts on his face.

"Where am I? How did I get here? Who's taken me?", he asked himself, "I musht have been drugged, I can't recall a thing".

Foo...

My wife asked me, “Don’t you find it strange how little people change?”

I said, “I think the process is the same, except for their tiny clothes.”

Why Jesus doesn't come back

An extraterrestrial landed his flying saucer in a man's back yard. The man came out and the two started talking. Eventually, the man asked the extraterrestrial if they knew about Jesus on his planet.


"Oh, yes," said the alien. "We know Jesus very well. In fact, he visits our world e...

A man was rravelling along a country road in his car, when a strange thing passed and overtook him.

Not wanting to be outdone, the man speeds up his car, but is unable to catch up to the thing. Just before reaching a side road, he sees the thing dissappear into some bushes at the side of the road.

The man turns off at the parallel road and stops at a farmhouse there. He gets out and rings t...

Dr Strange & Ironman

Not sure if this one has been posted here before. Been lurking around and first time posting!

Dr Strange : Yo mama so fat

Ironman : What does that have to do with Thanos?

Dr Strange : Thanos had to clap

Little Johnny hears a strange sound from his mother's bedroom.

He peeps around the door and sees her lying on her bed, rubbing low down on her stomach and moaning "I need a man! I need a man!"

A few days later she comes home with a strange man and a big bag of candy, and she gives the candy to Little Johnny with strict instructions to sit in front of the...

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Three strange facts.

The teacher asked her students:
-can someone please say something unusual but true?
John is the only one who raised his hand:
- the dick is hard, but it has no bones!
-John how can you say something so rude?! Someone else please?
Nobody says nothing but John:
-pussy is wet, and yet...

It’s strange disliking Chinese food while having an Asian Fetish

I’d like to eat out Chinese but I hate eating out Chinese

A woman goes to her doctor complaining of strange dreams.

"I keep dreaming that I'm peeing on nickels, dimes, and quarters," she tells him. He runs some tests and then tells her that everything's fine, that she's just going through her change.

Why does Doctor Strange never have WiFi issues?

He uses æthernet

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