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Spangled Jokes

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A guy goes to see a prostitute. (unpleasant joke ahead)

"Is it true what they say about you?"
"Yes honey, absolutely. I can suck you off, and sing the Star-Spangled Banner at the same time. Wanna give it a go?"
"That sounds amazing. I've got to experience it for myself."

They go up to her place. They move to the bedroom immediately and he p...

My 8 year old told me a really clever joke for once.

What do you get when you cross Captain America and the Hulk?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man is at a bar and says that he can fart the Star Spangled Banner... (Nsfw)

The bartender says "go ahead!"

The man stands on the bar completely naked and proceeds to shit all over the bar.

The bartender says "What the hell did you do that for?"

The drunk then says "C'mon! Even Frank Sinatra has to clear his throat before a performance!"

What's the easiest way to find a spy in the United States?

Ask them to sing the Star Spangled Banner.

If the sing more than one verse, you have your spy.

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Hal is telling the guys at the plant about the morons he saw this weekend.

"You wouldn't believe it," Hal said. "Four guys up at 5:30 on Saturday morning just swing at this little white ball try to get it in the hole."

"What kind of star-spangled moron gets up that early on a perfectly good Saturday morning just to play golf?"

One of the guys asks, "What we...

You Might Be An Extreme Redneck If...

You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of HER kids.

The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is out of your league b...

Lighthearted talk about patriotism...

is Star Spangled Banter

After Captain America died, The Incredible Hulk inherited the mantle.

He renamed himself 'The Star-Spangled Banner'.

So a latino man and his friend decide to go to a baseball game together.

He made it a point to be there very early so that they wouldn't miss the singing of the star-spangled banner as it was his favorite part of any sporting event.

As they're waiting for it to be sung his friend asks him out of curiosity, "hey man, why is this your favorite part of the game?" And...

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A Russian woman, a French woman and an American woman decides to have a contest on who has the biggest and deepest vagina among them...

The Russian woman went on first and inserted 2 fingers then pulled out her iPad.

The French woman next inserted her fist and pulled out her laptop.

Both women then turned their attention to the American woman who's sheepishly holding a quarter.

The American woman went on inserti...

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A man buys a heavily discounted parrot from a pet store. As he's walking down the street, the parrot squawks obscenities at passersby.

Eventually, the man runs into the priest of his church.

"Good afternoon my son," said the priest. "And who might your feathered friend be?"

"FUCK YOU!" squawks the parrot.

"I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I fully intend to break him of this obscene habit. I'll even teach him...

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The best blow job ever!

Henry and his drinking buddy are sitting at the bar one day, having a few brews, when Henry's buddy declares " I've had the best blow job ever, from the most amazing prostitute I've been graced to know!". Henry, who is amused by the statement, asked "what made it so special!?" To which his buddy rep...

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A man walks into a pet store and sees a very expensive parrot...

A man walks into a pet store and sees a $3000 parrot...

"Wow, that's expensive", the man says to the clerk. The clerk responds that this particular parrot is very talented. "How so?", questioned the man.

"Well, if you pull on his right leg", he'll sing The Star Spangled Banner. So ...

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Exam for athletes

The following is a college entrance exam for athletes.

Time Limit: 3 Days.

Write Your Name: ________________________________________
(20 point bonus if spelled correctly).

1. What language is spoken in Germany?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire wi...

During quarantine - Lonely at home

I am lonely at home quarantined:

Day 1. Oh, that's nice.

Day 3. I read books and rest.

Day 5. I bingwatched "Friends".

Day 7. I talked to the washing machine, but I had worse days.

Day 9. My washing machine is angry. I never had worse days.

Day 11. I'm fine…...

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The Aristocrats return to the talent agency...(OC)

The agent says, "Holy fuck, not you asshats again." The father shakes his head, "No, no. It's a totally different show. I swear, this one is going to be really big." The agent has a slow day, so he waves his hand for them to continue.

The father looks at his son, "Ok, Bernard..." and the son...

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