UPJOKE
hamelinhorsepowerworld war iegosduplicatesaltersdoubles

Selve Jokes

Recently found out all the crows in our neighbourhood had killed them selves

Looks like it was a murder suicide pact

How does a Mathematician hang them selves?

With a hypotenuse.

How did the cavemen in the far east protect them selves?

They Rocked their doors.

Two priests were driving in a car and got pulled over.

The police officer said “Hello gentleman, we are looking for two child molesters” the two priests talk quietly to them selves for a moment the turn the the officer and one of them says “Alright Officer we will do it!”

Three accountants and three engineers on the train

Three accountants and three engineers all have to take a train to go to a special conference. At the ticket counter the accountants each buy a ticket but the engineers only buy one between the three of them. The accountants ask how are are they going to all travel with just one ticket. The engineers...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are travelling home on Christmas day together

As they round a corner their car goes head on into a tree and the three men are instantly killed. All three men arrive at the pearly gates at the same time and stand in a long queue waiting to receive St Peter’s judgement. While waiting, one of the men points ahead to front of the queue after notici...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two soldiers

Two soldiers were stationed at a secret base on Greenland. The only entertainment they had was a worn out deck of cards and as time went on the two soldiers became bored with the cards, so to keep them selves entertained they started doing dares to each other.

At first it started out easy lik...

Why are cripples so easy to bully?

They can’t stand up for them selves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A team of engineers are unveiling their new invention to a navy admiral

“So from what I can see, it appears to just be a normal submarine” the Admiral says.

“Quite far from it...” the lead engineer responds, “... while it may appear to be your standard submarine. It has quite the trick up it’s selves”

“Well what is it”, the Admiral says excitedly.

“...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Short Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before and were both married to other people found them selves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the up...

First time

A boy gets a call from his girlfriend. She tells him her parents are going out for the night so they will have the house to them selves. She then tells him she thinks ready to do it for the first time and that he should get some condoms. The boy is elated and runs over to the pharmacy to get the con...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.