UPJOKE
san franciscoscreenshotscaliforniamobile devicesavatargamestardoomcomic bookgamepro tvgamedailyjulian rignallsega saturncommon senseinternet memeapril fools' day

Pro Tip Jokes

Dating pro tip: if s/he admires the Soviet Union...

then that's a red flag

Pro tip on how to pick up girls

Lift with your legs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pro Tip: Make sure it says "Made in the USA" on your bottle of Viagra...

If it says "Made in Moscow", you will run the risk of the Russians meddling in your erections.

Christmas Pro Tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. When your kids act up, throw one in the fireplace.

"But what do I do when I run out of kids?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pro Tip: How do you spot an Asexual person in a Nudist Beach?

it's not hard

Life Pro Tip ~ if you start watching, "When Harry Met Sally" at exactly 11:15 pm on New Year's Eve, when the clock strikes midnight...

You'll still be just as single as when you started the movie...

Life Pro Tip: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the kitchen floor, quietly kick it under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be water under the fridge.

Life Pro Tip

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life pro tip: Be a dick to neighborhood kids

They’ll tp your house, then you’ll have toilet paper!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pro tip: Don't argue with your spouse at night.

Its a waste of your fucking time.

Pro tip if you get in a fight with a group of clowns.

Go for the juggler

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pro Tip - If a hot sexy female sends you a friend request on facebook..

REJECT HIM.

Life pro tip: always be nice to pies.

You don't want to hurt their fillings.

Life Pro Tip

Make sure you always blow dry your hair, it gives you an extra couple minutes to cry once you're out of the shower!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you're just starting out in porn, observe the way the experts use the heads of their penises.

That's a pro tip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just started dating a male pornstar

On our first time together I asked him to go easy,

He said "don't worry I'll just give you a pro tip"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey...

The bartender lines up the 10 shots and the man takes them one after another.
Impressed the bartender inquires, "Whoa! What's the occasion?"
Man says, "My first blowjob."
"That's great! Let me pour you another one on the house."
Man declines, "No thanks. If ten can't get the tas...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.