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Oy Vey Jokes

A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel...

...to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.

The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"

He decided to go ask his ...

Sarah and Isaac were lying in bed one night. Isaac was tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Sarah asks him "Isaac, Isaac, why do you fret so? " to which Isaac replies "Oy vey, Sarah, you know that 20 kopeks I owe Ishmael across the way? Well, I have no idea how I will repay him!"

Sarah nods her head, gets out of bed, throws open the window and yells for Ishmael "Ishmael! Ishmael! Wake up!"
Ishmael opens the window and cries "Sarah, what is the matter? It is the middle of the night!"
Sarah replies "Ishmael, you know that 20 kopeks my husband owes you?" He replie...

I'm singing at a wedding where a Jewish man is marrying a Catholic woman

I'll be performing the Oy Vey Maria

Elderly couples are socializing over tea and biscuits, men are playing cards...

Marv: Oh, Benny, you won't believe the new diner we went to - the foood! Oy vey! You must try it!!

Benny: What's it called?

Marv: Hang on.. Oy... Um.. Hm.. What's that flower - all red and prickly?

Ben: A Rose?

Marv: Yes! Yes! Rose! **Hey, Rose, hon!!! What was the name o...

What type of AIDS virus only Jewish people can get?

H Oy Vey

What does Jewish Superman say when he takes off ?

Up Up and Oy Vey !

(For some reason this is just fun to say out loud)

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are deciding what portion of the tithe they will get for their salaries.

The pastor says, “I have an idea” and takes off his belt and lays it on the ground. He then says, “Okay. So we throw the tithe up in the air and whatever lands inside this belt is our salary.”
The Priest says, “Nonsense. When we throw the tithe up in the air, whatever lands outside the belt wi...

Abram is coming home in grief and despair

His wife is asking what happened
\- *Oy vey iz mir!* \- he tells her - So much spending! So much money I am going to lose! Today our rabbi gave a speech: "For many years we are living among Russians but they still don't like us. And we don't even know why. I gave it many a thought and decided...

Two Rabbis meet on the street

Two Rabbis meet on the street.

“Oy vey! It’s terrible that such thing should happen to me,” says the first Rabbi.

“Calm down, calm down”, says the second Rabbi, “tell me what has happened.”

“It’s my son”, continues the first Rabbi, “he has turned Christian!”

“You know it’...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish guy and a Chinese guy are sitting in a bar...

The Jewish guys looks at the Chinese guy, sizes him up, then socks him in the arm.

Chinese guy: "What the hell! What gives?"
Jewish guy: "That was for Peal Harbor"
Chinese guy: "That was the Japanese, I'm Chinese"
Jewish guy: "Chinese, Japanese, same difference"

Offended, but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my favorite jew jokes.

3 Jewish mothers get together for lunch one day at a fancy restaurant on the upper east side in Manhattan. They haven't seen each other in years, so the conversation naturally, turns to their sons. The first one says, "My Moishe...he's the best doctor in all of New York. Celebrities see him. Michael...

A rabbi, A pujari (a Hindu holy man) and a Southern Baptist minister were travelling, when they ran out of gas...

so they walked to a farm, and asked if they could spend the night.

The farmer agreed to let them stay, but he only had one room with two beds, so the third person would have to sleep in the barn.

"Oy Vey, I'll sleep in the barn" said the Rabbi, and he went off to sleep. Not five minut...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old man Finklestein is dying.

Old man Finklestein is dying. He was diagnosed with cancer a month ago, and had told no one but his dear wife, Sadie.

It is a week before the doctors told him he would kick the bucket, and he had straightened out his will and finances, so he decided to tell his best friend, Mr. Ginsberg.
<...

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