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Ob Jokes

The Ob_GYN office

3 heavily pregnant women are waiting for their appointment

a brunette, a redhead, and a blond

the brunette pipes up " I was on top so I'm going to have a boy!"

the redhead then says " Well I was on the bottom so obviously mine will be a girl."

the blond starts crying
...

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I once dated a girl with a twin

People used to ask me how I told them apart. Lisa painted her fingernails red and Bob had a cock

What does OB-Gyn stand for?

Oh Boy! Got You Naked!

How do OB/GYN's prefer their eggs?

Ovaries-y

OB/GYN gets fired

OB/GYN doctor gets fired. And he is looking for a job and get an interview at a car repair shop. And the managers says

"If you take the carburator apart you get 2 points and if you put it back you get 5 points and if it works after that you get 3 point.But I'll only hire you if you get all 10...

So three women are sitting in the OB/GYN

One asks, "Are you expecting a boy or a girl?"

She replies, "It's definitely going to be a boy."

The other woman asks how she is so sure and she says, "My husband was on top, so his dominant masculinity means it will be a boy."

The first woman then says, "Oh gee, I suppose I'll ...

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Three women went to see the OB/GYN

The Brunette came out and said, "We had sex in the missionary position, and we're going to have a boy!"

The Redhead came out and said, "We had sex in the cowgirl position, and we're having a girl!"

The Blonde started sobbing as she stood to go in. Between sobs, she said, "Oh no! We'r...

There was once a rich merchant ...

...who owned a slave named Manuel who was very good at hiding his thoughts and feelings. This merchant would often have his slave negotiate trade deals, very much to the merchants profit. This was the case because it was a well-known fact of that...

Nobody reads the owner's Manuel.

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An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

An OB/GYN student is late for his final exam.

He races out of bed, gets dressed, and is out the door in 5 minutes. He quickly gets to the lecture hall, and sits down just in time to receive a test.


Unbeknownst to him however, he had run to the wrong room: the Law lecture hall. The student reads over the first question, assured in hi...

Where do OB/GYNs go to school?

Gynecolleges.

A blonde, a red head and a brunette are at the OB-GYN...

..the read head says to the brunette, "I'm having a boy because he was on top.", The brunette says, "I'm having a girl, because I was on top." They both turn to the blonde and ask her, "What are you having?" The blond suddenly bursts into tears. "Oh, honey." they say, "What's the matter?" The blond...

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My wife just got back from her OB/GYN appointments. He told her she cannot have sex 6 weeks.

I said, "That's fine but what did your dentist say?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women are sitting in the waiting room of their ob/gyn knitting onesies for their babies.

The first woman puts her needles down, takes a pill from her purse and swallows it.

"What was that?" the other two inquire.

"Iron," she says, "my baby is going to be strong!"

They go back to knitting. After some time has passed the second woman takes a pill from her purse and sw...

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Three very pregnant women are sitting in the waiting room of the OB/GYN office...

In order to pass the time, all three women are knitting sweaters for their unborn babies.

The first mom puts down her knitting supplies, reaches into her purse, pulls out some pre-natal vitamins and says, "Good for mom, good for baby!" She downs a couple pills, and the two other moms nod and...

What’s the largest city in America?

Obesity

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I wonder if she got mileage points?

So a woman goes to the Ob/Gyn.

Ob: What brings you in today?
Patient: Uhm... I’ve been finding Costa Rican postage stamps in my vagina.
Ob: You’ve been finding what, where?!
Patient: Costa Rican postage stamps in my vagina...
Ob: Have you BEEN to Costa Rica?
Patient: No!
Ob...

You know how sometimes...

You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front of you? 

Well, that's how I lost my job as a gynecologist.

An o‌‌ld w‌‌oman a‌‌sks h‌‌er h‌‌usband o‌‌f 6‌‌9 y‌‌ears

‌‌"Honey, w‌‌hat d‌‌id y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e w‌‌hen y‌‌ou f‌‌irst s‌‌aw m‌‌e?".

"My f‌‌irst t‌‌hought w‌‌as t‌‌hat I‌‌ w‌‌anted t‌‌o f‌‌uck y‌‌our b‌‌rains o‌‌ut a‌‌nd s‌‌uck y‌‌our t‌‌its d‌‌ry", h‌‌e r‌‌eplied.

"And w‌‌hat d‌‌o y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e n‌‌ow, d‌‌arling?", t‌‌he o‌‌l...

Do storks deliver babies?

An OB/GYN walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So do all those storks delivering babies cut into your business?" the bartender jokes. "That, of course, is a complete myth," the stuffy OB/GYN huffs. "The only thing storks and obstetricians have in common is a large bill."

Who was Princess Leia's gynecologist?

OB-Wan Kenobi

Where do obstetricians exercise?

At the OB-GYM

What are you looking for in a woman?

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and lets out a heavy sigh. "I just don't know what I'm looking for in a woman anymore," he laments to the bartender. "I suppose it's time I give up my practice as an OB-GYN."

Juan Ken always dreamed of becoming an obstetrician but when he finally made it he couldn't decide on what people should call him.

His two choices: OB Juan, Ken OB

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A baby was born

A baby was born without any eyelids. The doctor that delivered the baby called a surgeon in for help. The surgeon decided to use the baby's foreskin to create eyelids.

The surgeon asked the OB, "How does he look?"

The OB looked at the boy and said, "He looks a little cockeyed."

He was born to be a gynecologist.

Dr. Howie Feltersnatch, OB/GYN

Latest results from the Star Wars Cup.

OB - 1, R2D - 2

A retiring obstetrician takes the bag of foreskins he collected during his career to a taxidermist.

The taxidermist looks at the thousands of dried up bits of skin and then looks quizzically at the obstetrician -- who says "I don't know, just make something nice with them."

A couple months later, the taxidermist calls to say that the souvenir of the obstetrician's career is ready. When the ...

What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?

General Ken OB

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead...

Were sitting in the waiting room at the OB-GYN. Each of them were pregnant and having a chat.
"I'm going to have a boy cause I was on top" the brunette said. "Ah well then I'm going to have a girl cause I was on bottom" the redhead replied. The blonde thought for a moment, then started to cry. T...

Everyone keeps guessing who Rey's parents are, but who delivered her as a baby?

OB-Gyn Kenobi

What do you call a bus full of lawyers driving off a cliff?

[A Good Start.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obKLdou0LH0)

Trump marched into the white house

When trump became president obama was waiting for him at the white house.

Ob:Trump! You have to run around the entire white house while I time you, we have a little leaderboard said obama.

Dt:Ok, im fast, the fastest. When i run you cant even see me trust me! Replied trump, incidentall...

the knights

What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist?

Sir Vey

What is the name of the agreeable knight?

Sir Tenly

What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave?

Sir Vent

What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony?
...

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Medical Humor

1...A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
...

My wife was pregnant with our third child...

My wife was pregnant with our third child. Long story short, we had been having some complications and had been seeing a special Ob/Gyn but everything seemed to be going fine. Except my wife went into labor just a little early by just a couple weeks. We called our doctor's office, and of course, our...

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Dentist 2

A fellow is trying to get to sleep but he keeps tossing and turning. He wakes his slumbering bride and says, "We need to have sex. I'm all tense and need to relax so that I can sleep." She answers him, "Oh, hell no! I have to go to the OB/GYN in the morning so I'm all cleaned up." She goes back to s...

Funniest Doctor Joke I've read in years (supposedly true):

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB-GYN,

I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams...
To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam
suddenly burst out...

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