Mother In Law Jokes - 47 Hilarious Mother In Law Jokes

Mother In Law

A husband and wife had a fight.

Wife called her mom: He fought with me again, I am coming to stay with you.

Mom: No dear, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you!

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I'm sorry your mother in law is dead

I'm sorry your mother in law is dead he says..how did it happen?

Well it was very unfortunate..she tried to stand up but got dizzy and caught the curtains and ripped them.

oh, thats how she died

no, from the thrust she hit the 65' inch tv and fell on the crystal table.

so...

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

I came across 6 men beating up my mother in law. My wife asked "aren't you going to help?"

I said no, 6 should be enough.

My mother in law came for a visit so I asked her - How long do you plan to stay?

Just until I start getting on your nerves, she replied.

Oh, so you won't even stay for a coffee?

I've spend the last 10 years looking for my mother in law's killer...

But nobody will do it!

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A wake for my mother-in-law

Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, "Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?"

"No," responds the second man. "Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly"

"Oh, No!" ...

Have a daughter named after my mother in law

Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week

Why Did the mother in law cross the road?

She thought it was a boundary.

I took my mother in law out today

I love being a sniper

As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her,

“So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”

She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.”

“Not even for coffee??”

"Where's your mother in law?"

- "She's in the garden."

- "Where? I can't see her."

- "You have to dig a little."

A guys mother in law comes to live with him

One day he comes home to find her passed out on the floor. He calls 911, the paramedics come and pick her up and take her to the hospital.

The guy goes to the hospital and is in the waiting room when the doctor comes out.

The doctor says, “Well, I have some good news and some bad new...

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Mother in law and stairs

Two old friends meet each other after a long time:

A: Oh hey, what's new?

B: Nothing much, my mother in law died.

A: Oh really, damn, how?

B: She went downstairs to the basement to get some potatoes for lunch, fell and broke her neck.

A: That's tragic, what did you...

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My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later.

"This parrot hasn't spoke a single word." She complained.

"I haven't had a fucking chance to!" Replied the parrot.

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A mother in law said

to her son's wife when their baby was born: "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a fucking photocopier."

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Anagram of "mother in law"

Woman Hitler

A man and his wife and his mother in law went on vacation to the Holy Land...

While they were there, the mother in law passed away.

The undertaker told them you can have her shipped home for $5000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00.

The man thought about it, told him he'd just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked why would you spend $50...

The sick mother in law

The man came home after visiting his sick mother in law.

His wife asked how her mother was doing.

The man responded, she is getting released in two days and moving in to our home!

Shocked, the wife says, how’s that possible? When I visited her yesterday, she was in the respira...

My mother in law came down from the North of England to visit for Christmas...

...I told her "You should think about moving further South"

She was very touched until she realised I meant Antarctica

Murphy's Law? No. Mother in law's Choice

Sam, a young man, excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He tells her, 'Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you must try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the ...

No present for your mother in law

At Christmas, a man just opened presents from his mother in law and she asks, "where's mine?"

He says, "I didn't get you anything this year."

Visibly upset, she asks why.

He says, "you never used what I got you last year."

She yells, " it was a burial plot!"

Two cannibals are eating dinner. One says to the other "I hate my mother in law"

The other cannibal replies "Well, then just eat the noodles"

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A lucky husband

A lucky guy married a girl who ended up being a virgin. He was so excited, he went to his father in law and told him, "thank you for raising such an amazing girl for me to marry."

The wife's father replied with, "Don't thank me, thank her mother."

So, he goes to his mother in law and...

I bought my mother in law a chair for her birthday...

But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.

My mother in law told me that beauty is only skin deep

She must have been born inside out...

My Mother in Law fell down a wishing well

I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

What do you call it when you’re late to dinner at your Mother in Law’s?

Delaying the inedible.

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

My mother in law got pulled over

Cop asked:whats in the bottle?

She says :water

He says: it looks like wine!

She's: Praise the lord, Jesus did it again!

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My wife, Father and mother in-law, and myself are at dinner.

The restaurant is packed. I say, "Service sure is slow tonight." Father In Law, "Tell me something I *don't* know." followed by a smirk. Feigning a smile, I ignore the comment.
A little later into dinner my wife and I are talking about some car trouble we were having this past week. I say, "Ford ...

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Good Mother in Law

A woman confided to her mother that she wanted to divorce her rich husband because he wanted anal sex all the time.
The daughter explained to her mom that when they got married her asshole was the size of a dime and now it was the size of a quarter. Her mother said, “He buys you a multimillion do...

My mother in law said she wanted to die a natural death.

So I've just dropped her off at the jungle.

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The Worst Mother In Law Ever

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.

When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

Mother in law

A lady had 3 son in laws and she wanted to know who is the sincerest of them so she thought of trying them out one by one.

One day she asked the eldest one to come and help her in some errands. On the way back home she deliberately jumped into a water well and starts to drown. The eldest with...

Birthday gift mother in law

My mother in law asked for her birthday ' something for in bath'. Too bad she didn't like my toaster...

My mother in law suffers from acute diabetes and hay fever....

I always try to cheer her up with chocolate and flowers.

Little Johnny called mother in law a fat cow

Little Johnny called mother in law a fat cow during the dinner and got slapped upside the head by his father right away. But not hard. As was agreed

My mother in law is Spanish

My mother in law is Spanish, so when we named our son 'Muchos' it really meant a lot to her.

Mother in law...

Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today Mr. Brundy, isn’t it your mother-in-law’s funeral today?”

“Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.”

Two men are in a pub...

“I want to kill my wife”, says one. “Why not ask Arti, over there”, says the other man, pointing to a man at the fruit-machine. “Arti over there is a top hitman” the friend goes on. So the man approaches Arti. “Are you Arti the hitman?” asks the man. “Sure am”, replies Arti. “You couldn’t murder my ...

My mother in law is like a treasure,

I feel a strong urge to bury her on a deserted island

What to do when your mother in law is zigzagging across your backyard?

Shoot again.

My mother in law began to address the elephant in the room

I asked her why she was talking to herself.

My mother in law just got Reddit

I want to take this opportunity to let her know how much I truly love and appreciate all she does for me and my wife.

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Angry Mother in Law

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried down- stairs for something to eat,...

A Man and his wife and mother in law are visiting Isreal but the mother in law dies.

the man whose helping them make the arrangements says.

You have two options

1. Send her back to the states and have her buried their.$5000
2. or you can bury her here $1000

The husband asks "Can we think about it."

The man says absolutely

one day later they c...

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