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I'm sorry your mother in law is dead

I'm sorry your mother in law is dead he says..how did it happen?

Well it was very unfortunate..she tried to stand up but got dizzy and caught the curtains and ripped them.

oh, thats how she died

no, from the thrust she hit the 65' inch tv and fell on the crystal table.

so...

Mother In Law

A husband and wife had a fight.

Wife called her mom: He fought with me again, I am coming to stay with you.

Mom: No dear, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you!

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A wake for my mother-in-law

Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, "Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?"

"No," responds the second man. "Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly"

"Oh, No!" ...

Have a daughter named after my mother in law

Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week

A guy sees his mother in law riding a bicycle. "Where are you going?" he asks.

"To the cemetery" she replies.

"And who is going to return the bike?"

A man is walking along the road when he sees his mother in law being attacked by five men. His wife asks, "Aren't you going to help?".

The man says no five should be enough.

My mother in law suffers from acute diabetes and hay fever....

I always try to cheer her up with chocolate and flowers.

Guy gets a visit from his mother in law

\- "How long will you stay?" he asks.

\- "Until you get bored with me."

\- "Why so short?"

I've spend the last 10 years looking for my mother in law's killer...

But nobody will do it!

As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her,

“So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”

She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.”

“Not even for coffee??”

A rich mother in law has 3 daughters who are married off to 3 men....

She wanted to test whether her sons in law really cared about her or not. So she devised a plan. She invites her first SIL for a run and after reaching a river she purposefully slips into the river's current.
Without any hesitation first SIL jumps into the river and saves her. The very next day h...

I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please"

But instead my tounge twisted and I said
"You stupid cow. You've completely ruined my life."

My mother in law is Spanish

My mother in law is Spanish, so when we named our son 'Muchos' it really meant a lot to her.

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

My mother in law began to address the elephant in the room

I asked her why she was talking to herself.

My mother in law said she wanted to die a natural death.

So I've just dropped her off at the jungle.

What do you have when your mother in law is up to her neck in cement?

Not enough cement

Mother in law dies

A guy goes on vacation in the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law dies.

So the couple goes to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home, but it will cost over $5,000, whereas burying her in the Holy Land would cost only $150.

“We’ll shi...

Little Johnny called mother in law a fat cow

Little Johnny called mother in law a fat cow during the dinner and got slapped upside the head by his father right away. But not hard. As was agreed

- I saw two men beating my mother in law

- and you didn’t do anything?

- nah, 3 people would be too many

The sick mother in law

The man came home after visiting his sick mother in law.

His wife asked how her mother was doing.

The man responded, she is getting released in two days and moving in to our home!

Shocked, the wife says, how’s that possible? When I visited her yesterday, she was in the respira...

Birthday gift mother in law

My mother in law asked for her birthday ' something for in bath'. Too bad she didn't like my toaster...

I took my mother in law out today

I love being a sniper

Murphy's Law? No. Mother in law's Choice

Sam, a young man, excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.  He tells her, 'Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you must try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the ...

The mother in law fell down a wishing well to my amazement.

Damn, I never knew those things worked.

A Man and his wife and mother in law are visiting Isreal but the mother in law dies.

the man whose helping them make the arrangements says.

You have two options

1. Send her back to the states and have her buried their.$5000
2. or you can bury her here $1000

The husband asks "Can we think about it."

The man says absolutely

one day later they c...

In Blackjack, why do they call "17" the mother in law?

Why?


'Cause sometimes u wanna hit it but u can't

-kevin hart-

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My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later.

"This parrot hasn't spoke a single word." She complained.

"I haven't had a fucking chance to!" Replied the parrot.

My mother in law just got Reddit

I want to take this opportunity to let her know how much I truly love and appreciate all she does for me and my wife.

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Anagram of "mother in law"

Woman Hitler

What to do when your mother in law is zigzagging across your backyard?

Shoot again.

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If cajuns yell "ooh wee, makes me want to slap my mother in law" when they eat something good, what do the Japanese say?

Ooh-mommy.

"Where's your mother in law?"

- "She's in the garden."

- "Where? I can't see her."

- "You have to dig a little."

"Dad, what was the name of Adam's mother in law?"

"He didn't have a mother in law, son, because he lived in paradise"

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The Worst Mother In Law Ever

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.

When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

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Having to spend time with your mother in law is sort of like using anal beads

Sometimes it can be surprisingly pleasant, but usually it’s just a pain in the ass

I still remember what my mother in law said just before she died

"Stop shaking the ladder YOU LITTLE $#%@!"

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

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I told my mother in law "When war comes, I'll just be eating human flesh as well". "You shitting me?!" She asked.

"Maybe." I replied.

Dear Mother In Law,

Don't teach me how to bring up my children.

I'm living with one of yours and they need a lot of improvement.

So I took my mother in law out yesterday morning...

From 1867 yards with a Barrett M82

My mother in law's name is Francessca

I call her MIL-F

A man, driving his mother in law in the back is stopped for speeding

“did you know you were above the speed limit?” - the officer asks

“I’m so sorry, my speedometer is broken” - replies the man

“None sense” - says the mother in law - “I’ve been telling you for at least half an hour that you were driving too fast”

The officer continues- “also, are...

My mother in law has gone a bit off the rails.

Hopefully the train still gets her.

Mother in law

A lady had 3 son in laws and she wanted to know who is the sincerest of them so she thought of trying them out one by one.

One day she asked the eldest one to come and help her in some errands. On the way back home she deliberately jumped into a water well and starts to drown. The eldest with...

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My cannibal mother in law ate my wife, and now..

I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ate one.

Mother in law...

Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today Mr. Brundy, isn’t it your mother-in-law’s funeral today?”

“Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.”

My mother in law is like a treasure,

I feel a strong urge to bury her on a deserted island

My Mother in law said to me: "I’ll dance on your grave, when you're dead"

"Good!" I said, "I’m being buried at sea."

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