I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please"

But instead my tounge twisted and I said
"You stupid cow. You've completely ruined my life."

A Man and his wife and mother in law are visiting Isreal but the mother in law dies.

the man whose helping them make the arrangements says.

You have two options

1. Send her back to the states and have her buried their.$5000
2. or you can bury her here $1000

The husband asks "Can we think about it."

The man says absolutely

one day later they c...

I came across 6 men beating up my mother in law.

My wife asked "aren't you going to help?"

I said no, 6 should be enough.

My mother in law said she wanted to die a natural death.

So I've just dropped her off at the jungle.

- I saw two men beating my mother in law

- and you didn’t do anything?

- nah, 3 people would be too many

What do you have when your mother in law is up to her neck in cement?

Not enough cement

My mother in law began to address the elephant in the room

I asked her why she was talking to herself.

My mother in law just got Reddit

I want to take this opportunity to let her know how much I truly love and appreciate all she does for me and my wife.

Little Johnny called mother in law a fat cow

Little Johnny called mother in law a fat cow during the dinner and got slapped upside the head by his father right away. But not hard. As was agreed

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her,

“So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”

She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.”

“Not even for coffee??”

Mother in law dies

A guy goes on vacation in the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law dies.

So the couple goes to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home, but it will cost over $5,000, whereas burying her in the Holy Land would cost only $150.

“We’ll shi...

Birthday gift mother in law

My mother in law asked for her birthday ' something for in bath'. Too bad she didn't like my toaster...

My family was on vacation in Florida when suddenly I heard someone scream that my mother in law fell into the alligator pool. Not thinking twice, I jumped in...

...to save the alligator.

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If cajuns yell "ooh wee, makes me want to slap my mother in law" when they eat something good, what do the Japanese say?

Ooh-mommy.

The sick mother in law

The man came home after visiting his sick mother in law.

His wife asked how her mother was doing.

The man responded, she is getting released in two days and moving in to our home!

Shocked, the wife says, how’s that possible? When I visited her yesterday, she was in the respira...

A rich mother in law has 3 daughters who are married off to 3 men....

She wanted to test whether her sons in law really cared about her or not. So she devised a plan. She invites her first SIL for a run and after reaching a river she purposefully slips into the river's current.
Without any hesitation first SIL jumps into the river and saves her. The very next day h...

Mother in law

A lady had 3 son in laws and she wanted to know who is the sincerest of them so she thought of trying them out one by one.

One day she asked the eldest one to come and help her in some errands. On the way back home she deliberately jumped into a water well and starts to drown. The eldest with...

What to do when your mother in law is zigzagging across your backyard?

Shoot again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Worst Mother In Law Ever

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.

When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

I took my mother in law out today

I love being a sniper

I bought my mother in law a chair for her 50th birthday ..

...but the wife won't let me plug it in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having to spend time with your mother in law is sort of like using anal beads

Sometimes it can be surprisingly pleasant, but usually it’s just a pain in the ass

Murphy's Law? No. Mother in law's Choice

Sam, a young man, excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.  He tells her, 'Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you must try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anagram of "mother in law"

Woman Hitler

The mother in law fell down a wishing well to my amazement.

Damn, I never knew those things worked.

I still remember what my mother in law said just before she died

"Stop shaking the ladder YOU LITTLE $#%@!"

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my mother in law "When war comes, I'll just be eating human flesh as well". "You shitting me?!" She asked.

"Maybe." I replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My cannibal mother in law ate my wife, and now..

I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ate one.

"Where's your mother in law?"

- "She's in the garden."

- "Where? I can't see her."

- "You have to dig a little."

I've spent more than four years looking for my mother in law's killer.

But I can't find anyone to do it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later.

"This parrot hasn't spoke a single word." She complained.

"I haven't had a fucking chance to!" Replied the parrot.

My mother in law is like a treasure,

I feel a strong urge to bury her on a deserted island

"Dad, what was the name of Adam's mother in law?"

"He didn't have a mother in law, son, because he lived in paradise"

Mother in law...

Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today Mr. Brundy, isn’t it your mother-in-law’s funeral today?”

“Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worst than having your mother in law swept out to Sea...

The wave brings her back
(I fucking hate that old bat)

It was my mother in laws birthday one year

So I decided to buy her a cemetery plot
as a Birthday gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

My mother in law has gone a bit off the rails.

Hopefully the train still gets her.

A man, driving his mother in law in the back is stopped for speeding

“did you know you were above the speed limit?” - the officer asks

“I’m so sorry, my speedometer is broken” - replies the man

“None sense” - says the mother in law - “I’ve been telling you for at least half an hour that you were driving too fast”

The officer continues- “also, are...

What do you do when you see your mother in law standing in front of your house?

Reload and try again.

A 17 in blackjack is like a mother in law

Sometimes you want to hit it, but it's probably smarter not to.

If a tiger was attacking your wife and mother in law at the same time and you could save one, who would it be?

The tiger of course. There are only a few left 🐯

My Mother in law said to me: "I’ll dance on your grave, when you're dead"

"Good!" I said, "I’m being buried at sea."

When is the only time you're smiling and winking at your mother in law?

When you're looking at her through a rifle scope.

Did you hear about the roman fighter who ate his mother in law?

Terrible indigestion but he was gladiator.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.