Mafia Boss Jokes - 20 Hilarious Mafia Boss Jokes

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Russian Mafia boss Semion Mogilevich, Japanese Yakuza boss Kenichi Shinoda, American Gangster boss Al Capone and Mexican Cartel boss El Chapo Guzman are in a plane.

They have been on a flight for hours and are all bored.

Mogilevich says: "I'm bored, let's see which mafia has the biggest balls" he looks over at one of his henchman and says "Hey I order you to slit your throat." The henchman does exactly as he says and bleeds out in front of them.

M...

Harry Potter could make a great mafia boss

He always catches the snitch

What do you call a mafia boss' key?

A don-key

Why do politicians, bankers and mafia bosses like to play golf?

Because you can play that in handcuffs too.

An old mafia boss was at the end of his life

He knew he didn't have much time left to live and he was getting worried about where he might end up after his death if he did not get absolution for his sins. He had been a very evil person and he knew that any old village priest would not be able to do the job so instead he arranged a meeting with...

Why was the mafia boss surprised when the Spanish hitman missed his shot

He didn't expect the Spanish Imprecision

Which mafia boss came with all the dlc?

John Goty

What does an aging Mafia boss do for his birthday?

Forget about it.

Mafia Boss: I want the brake lines of this guy’s car to be rusting.

Chemist: I’m listening.

Mafia Boss: But make sure..it looks like an oxidant.

A mafia boss walks in to see a whale in the torture room.

Whale whale whale, look who we got here!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italian mafia boss hired a deaf accountant, Guido, and after a while he found out his accountant stole 10 million from him.

He goes to pay Guido a visit with his lawyer that knew sign language and to get him to talk where he hid the money.
He tells the lawyer to translate, "Ask him where the money is!" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?" Guido replies, "I have no idea what you're talk...

What do you call a giant elephant mafia boss that owns slaves?

Masta-Don.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a tendency to over-explain things lays on his therapist's couch.

The therapist says “I have a new exercise for you today. Instead of spending an hour talking about your day, try to tell me the essentials of what happened in one breath.”
The patient agrees and takes a deep breath

“So they cast Callie Hernandez as Supergirl and I’m not sure if it was th...

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A deaf accountant works for the mafia.

One day, the king pin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there's a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator.

"Ok, there's a million dollars missing, where is it?" asks the king pin. Translator says, "There's a million dolla...

what's it called when a mafia boss named Ana Conda sends his snobbish criminal henchman to go on a mission that includes said henchman going down multiple flights of stairs?

Conda sending condecending con decending

Take my dog out

A mafia boss and one of his henchmen are out back having a cigarette.

Boss: Listen, Vinnie, I'm getting home late tonight so around 5, I need you to stop by my house and take my dog out

Vinnie: Whoa, boss, you want me to take your dog out?

Boss: Ya, what's so hard to understand?...

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Left handed

The mafia boss was pissed that his captain Alphonse's mistake costed him $5M.

Fearing wrath, Alphonse pleaded - Boss, spare me and don't kill me. I have worked here for 8 years.

The boss said - Alright Alphonse. I spare you. I don't kill left handed man.

Confused Alphonse said ...

Mafia florists

Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.

One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A burly gentleman walks into a pub and slams his fists on the bar.

He tells the barman that the pub hasn't paid its protection money, and his mafia boss has ordered him to collect.

The burly gent heads down to the cellar and starts wheeling out all the wine barrels. He loads them onto his van and drives off.

Later that day the burly gent returns and ...

I lost my job as a waiter

Apparently, I had insulted an infamous mafia boss by taking away his plate.

He told me he was Don

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