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In Your Mouth Jokes

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Person 1: what do you call nuts on a wall?

Person 2: wallnuts.

Person 1: what do you call nuts on a chest?

Person 2: chestnuts.

Person 1: what do you call nuts on your chin?

Person 2: chin nuts?

Person 1: no, a dick in your mouth

Hold it firmly in your hand, put it in your mouth, lick it, straighten it, and put it in the hole

Man, threading a needle is difficult work.

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You should shove a tampon in your mouth

Because you sound like a cunt

What happens if you spray deodorant in your mouth?

You get a weird *Axe scent*

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just
swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the ...

Teacher: What are you not suppose to put it in your mouth?

10 year old Judy: A lit bulb.
Teacher: why
Judy: Because my mom was telling my father to turn off the bulb then i'll take it in my mouth.

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A young man decided it was time to come out to his family.

He was worried most about his grandmother, so he approached her in the kitchen.

"Grandma, I, uh, have to tell you something."

"Yes, sweety?"

"I, uh, I'm gay."

"Gay?" His heart stopped. "Does that mean you put men's things in your mouth?"

"Grandma!!!!"

"Wel...

What do you tell someone who has just stuck a gun in your mouth?

It's difficult to say

What do you call the activity where you insert a hairy rod in your mouth and at the end you spit out a white liquid?

Brushing your teeth.

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A gamer walks into a bar...

...and asks the barkeep "you got a console to play on?" And the barkeep says "yeah, but only have one game for it." The gamer shrugs, orders a cider and sits down to play.

While he's playing another guy walks in and says "hey, that guy with the cider is playing my game!" And the barkeep asks...

is my brain in your mouth?

because... you just blew my mind.

What goes in your mouth hard and pink, but comes out soft and sticky?

Bubblegum!

I was told that you catch more fish if you put maggots in your mouth for 5m before attaching them to your rod. Is this true?

I await your replies with baited breath.

Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

What is six inches long, fits in your mouth, and is more fun when it vibrates?

A toothbrush, you perverts.

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A young man tells his Mom he’s gay

A young man decides that the upcoming holiday is a good time to tell his Mom that he's gay. He's in college, making new friends, and will eventually want to bring one of them home to meet the family. He spends the drive home going over the conversation, what he'll say, what she'll say, how he'll ans...

Hey baby, call me Colgate

Because 9 out of 10 dentists recommend me in your mouth.

A little boy asks his mother, "Mom, is it possible to eat electricity?"

The mother says: 'What? Where did you hear that?

The boy replied: "Yesterday I heard Dad say to you, 'Turn off the light and put it in your mouth.'

[First Date] Her: I am really enjoying our conversation. Let’s get a drink and see where it goes.

Me: I’m almost sure it goes in your mouth.

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Low tech COVID test?

Stick one finger in your mouth and one finger in your butt. Wait two minutes then switch. If you can’t taste the difference you probably have Covid.

Everyone knows part of the way toothpaste works is by equalizing the acidic substances in your mouth.

I mean, it’s basic science.

What are those things in your mouths that you use to chew called?

Damn. It's right on the tip of my tongue

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New Anal Covid Test;

Put one finger in your mouth,
The other in your ass,
Count to 10,
Swap fingers, and if you can't smell or taste the difference,
Isolate.

Hey, don’t tell anyone that I have a woodpecker…

… and I won’t tell anyone that you have splinters in your mouth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks his wife if he can cum in her ear...

She says, "No, I'll go deaf."

He says, "Funny, I always cum in your mouth and you never shut the fuck up."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

(EDIT: my gf came back to me with "the type of meat you're putting in your mouth" which is way better.)

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