Handjobs Jokes - 34 Hilarious Handjobs Jokes

A Frenchman sees a poster in front of a bakery: Croissant €1. Handjob €5

He enters the shop and sees a gorgeous young lady behind the counter. He then asks:

"Mademoiselle, are you the one that delivers the handjobs?"

Very shy, the girl looks down, blushes and replies with a giggle:

"O-Oui monsieur, I am the one that gives the handjobs".

The F...

Handjobs [nsfw]

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductivel...

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Handjobs £10

Edit: formatting

An Irishman walks into a cafe. He reads a menu that's says:

Cheese roll 10p

Ham roll 20p

Handjobs £10

He notices a beautiful blonde who works there with an amazing body and big tits, so asks her, "Are you the one that gives out the handjobs?"...

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I like to go around to construction sites and give out handjobs.

A Jack off all trades.

I told my girlfriend she was bad at handjobs

I guess that rubbed her the wrong way.

Handjobs are like Pepsi.

Never your first choice but you'll take it anyway.

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this prostitute gives the best handjobs in town... (NSFW)

and this guy hears about her and goes to her asking "so you really give the best hanjobs in town?" the girl goes "see that mcdonalds? i've used the money i got from giving handjobs to buy that mcdonalds" so the guy is convinced and asks for a handjob, gives her 50 bucks, and it's the best handjob he...

My girlfriend gives the best handjobs

In fact, she won the Pullitsurprise.

What do you call a supervillain that kills people with handjobs?

Death Stroke

Unexpected handjobs are the best...

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the g...

Why are sloths so good at giving handjobs?

They aren't in a hurry.

The best part about being quarantined are the handjobs.

The worst part is being alone.

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Why does M&Ms prefer blowjobs over handjobs?

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand

If two soldiers give each other handjobs...

Is it a Tug of War?

Some people like fast handjobs. I prefer slow.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Why do crazy people perform terrible handjobs?

They can’t get a grip.

Girls with parkinsons must really love giving handjobs

They just can’t stop

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Handjobs and blowjobs

Handjobs from girls that speak sign language count as blowjobs.

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I went to a prostitute and asked what her rate was for handjobs

She told me about ten strokes per second

I think it Hertz

I knew this chick who would give handjobs to anyone, regardless of their profession.

Jacks off all trades.

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Handjob or a sandwich?

A traveller was walking through the streets of Chiang Rai, Thailand. He saw a sign that said:

$10 - Sandwich
$12 - Handjob

He walked in and saw this stunning blonde woman with a Norwegian flag tattooed on her arm. He called her over and said "Are you the one who gives the handjob...

So, my boyfriend said my handjobs weren't very good

I beat him into submission.

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I knew a lady whose idea of community service was giving handjobs to blue collar workers.

She was a jack off all trades.

$1 Beers $3 PB&J's $4 Handjobs

A man leaves work one Friday and passes a bar with a sign outside that reads "$1 Beers $3 PB&J's $4 Handjobs

He walks in and sits at the bar. A beautiful woman in her mid 20's comes over and asks what he would like. The man orders a beer. She asks if he'd like anything else. The man repli...

I asked my wife for a handjob

She said “okay there are some dishes you can wash”

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Handjob $5

A man walks into a restaurant, and begins reading the menu handed to him by this hot blonde waitress with great looking tits.

* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* Handjob $5
<...

Reddit, what's your best/favorite "A _______ walks into a bar..." joke?

One of my favorites is:

A guy walks into a bar. Above the bar there's a sign that says "Cheese Sandwich $2.00, Handjobs $10.00. The guy asks the lady behind the bar, "Miss, are you the one who gives the handjobs?" She says, "Yes I am." So the guy says, "Then wash your hands and fix me a c...

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After days of driving, a trucker walks into a empty small-town diner and sees three signs above the counter.

The first reads "Hamburger: $5," the second reads "Cheeseburger: $6," and the third reads "Handjob: $10." As the man approached, a beautiful young woman dressed in an apron came out from the kitchen and asked coyly, "What can I do for you, hon?"

"Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" asked...

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[Long] A beautiful prostitute

A man is driving around the New York City late one night looking for a prostitute. He pulls over at a corner and sees what may be the most gorgeous woman he's ever laid eyes on. The man says, "you are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen out here, I've gotta ask, how much do you charge for...

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Did you hear about the girl who gave out handjobs to electricians, plumbers, mechanic, you name it?

She was a right Jack off all trades.

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A guy walks into a bar...

Bartender: What can I get you?

Guy: I'd like something to eat. What have you got to offer?

Bartender: Well, cheese sandwiches are $1.50, chicken sandwiches are $3.50... or handjobs are $20 <wink>

Guy: Do you give the handjobs, pretty lady?

Bartender: I sure do, sir....

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NSFW A wealthy businessman goes to Vegas and orders a prostitute.

Moments later, he hears a knock on his hotel door, he answers, and in walks the most beautiful prostitute he has ever seen.

"Hi Honey, my name is Amber and I am here to service you" she says. "My only stipulation is that I do not do anal. Now, what would you like me to do first?"

"Ho...

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A rich single man is having a drink by himself in a bar

when a gorgeous woman enters. Everyone is staring at her. The guy thinks to himself, "there's no way in hell I have a chance with her." But, lo and behold, she sits down next to him and has a drink. The two get to talking, and the man learns that she is a hooker. A few drinks in, the man says, "I'm ...

A hungry man stops at a small restaurant along the road...

to buy something to eat. Behind the bar is a very attractive young girl smiling at him. Next to her is a board that reads:

* Tuna Sandwich $8
* Beef Sandwich $9
* Turkey Sandwich $8.5
* Handjob $5

After having read the board, the man asks the beautiful girl "Hey gorgeous are y...

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