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Golf Ball Jokes

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A married couple comes home to their mansion situated on a golf course. When they get to the living room they discover their giant picture window is broken, glass everywhere and there is a man sitting on the couch holding a golf ball.

The husband gets irate and starts shouting at the man. “ Who the fuck are you and why are you in my house?“.

The man responds, “Calm down, when the ball went through the window it bounced off the floor and hit the vase is that was on your mantle. The vase broke and I popped out, I am a Genie...

What's the difference between a G spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball

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What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris?

Guys will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.

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A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.

As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"

The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?"

The man s...

What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through 10 ft. of garden hose?

Baby! Honey! Darling!

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A woman playing golf drives off from the tee and hits a man with her golf ball.

He put his hands between his legs, fell to the ground and rolled around in agony.

She rushed over to him and offered to relieve his pain stating she was a qualified Doctor. Reluctantly he agrees.

She gently takes his hands away and unzips his trousers. She puts her hands inside and gen...

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Lost golf balls

A man slices his golf ball into a cow pasture. He hops the fence and starts looking for it. To his surprise, a woman golfer is out there too hacking around looking for her ball. Suddenly the man spies a golf ball wedged in a cow’s vagina. He thinks for a minute that he has found his ball, but no, it...

What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A man will keep looking for a golf ball until he finds it.

I was showing my friend my new golf ball.

I was showing my friend my new golf ball.
"It's impossible to lose," I said. "If you hit it into the rough it sends out a GPS signal so you can track it down."
"That's great," he replied, "but what happens if you it hit into the water?"
"Simple. The ball floats to the surface and tracks its...

I invented a new golf ball that’ll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches.

Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

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Blonde and Golf Balls

A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a ve...

When is birthday cake like a golf ball?

When it’s been sliced.

A mexican man was struck through the chest with a golf ball.

They called it a hole in Juan.

You know how to smuggle something in a golf ball?

First, you have to get a hole in one...

The Green Golf Ball

Once upon a time, there was a young boy, and this young boy was having
his 10th birthday. His father thinking that it was an important day for
his young lad, said to him, 'You can have anything that you want for
your birthday'.
The boy thought and thought. Finally, he said to his pop, "D...

My friend was showing me his new golf ball.

He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."

I said to him, "That's incredible, where did ...

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A woman is out golfing when she hits her golf ball into the woods. When she goes to retrieve it, she finds a talking frog trapped beneath a fallen tree...

"Please!" the frog cries, "Help me! If you can just lift up this tree even just a little bit, I will be free! And I'll grant you three wishes!"

The woman quickly agrees, and throws her weight into the tree. She can't lift it much, as it's quite heavy, but she does manage to move it just barel...

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A man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies, "Yes, father. I used the "F-word" over the weekend."

The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."

The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-wo...

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Golf Balls and Buttercups

Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods
and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups.
Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every
buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden? POOF!!
In a flash and puff of smoke,...

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Golf balls

Joe was walking towards the first tee, and as he passed the tennis courts one of the tennis players stopped him and asked "what is that in your pocket"

Joe answered "It's golf balls"

"AHH" said the tennis player, "is it like tennis elbow?"

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So I was telling my wife about how I got fired from the golf course earlier.

Her: How? What happened?

Me: They caught me putting my dick in the golf ball washer.

Her: \*laughs\* So then what happened to the golf ball washer?

Me: She got fired too.

My friend gave me a new "magic" golf ball.

As long as you put to within 3 inches of the pin, the ball will always find its way to the hole.

He did not recommend I keep it in my back pocket.

What's the difference between Lady Godiva and a lost golf ball?

A lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.

As a tennis ball falls off a table, a golf ball shouts a question, "Are you going to be ok?"

The tennis ball replies, "Of course. I'll bounce back."

What do Romans yell when the golf ball is coming toward you?

IV

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(Slightly NSFW) Man says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."

Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do toget...

Golf Balls....

A man got on a bus, his driver in hand and pants pockets stuffed with golf balls, headed to the driving range. A blonde lady sitting across from him saw the bulges and started to stare at his crotch with big eyes. The man noticed, and in an embarrassed voice said to her, “It’s just golf balls, Ma'am...

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner only had one golf ball...

"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one." Well,"...

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods’s golf ball and his SUV?

He can drive his golf ball 300 yards without hitting a tree.

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The leprechaun and the golfer

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.<...

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A man goes to the doctor, “Doctor, I have a golf ball stuck up my butt”

The doctor asks, “how did that get up there?”
The man replies, “ I don’t know but it’s up a fairway”

A golfer tells his buddy, “Check out this “Impossible-to Lose” golf ball I have...

If you hit it in the water it floats and then activates a small propeller that moves it over to the edge so you can retrieve it. If you hit it in high grass it emits a smoke signal. If you hit it into a bush, it chirps. It’s literally impossible to lose!”
His buddy says “Wow! That’s awesome. How...

need help figuring out a joke.

A girl I know keeps telling my friends a joke about golf. She insists it's a joke and not a riddle but none of us get it. Here it is:

Four guys go golfing. The first guy tees up, and hits the ball super far. The second guy tees up, and hits the ball really terribly. The third guy tees up, and...

Two people meet on the golf course and one of them says, "You have to check out my awesome new golf ball!"

Golfer 1: "This ball is amazing...If you hit it into the rough it flashes and glows so you can see it! If you hit it out of bounds it beeps so you can find it! If you hit it in the water it floats and drives itself back to land so you don't lose it!"

Golfer 2: "That IS amazing! Where'd you ge...

Four Friends Are Out Golfing When One Of The Guys Exclaims He Has A Golf Ball That Is Impossible To Lose.

“What if you hit it in the water?” asks the first guy.
“The ball floats”
“What happens when you pound it into the deep woods?” asks player #2.
“It has a GPS and I can track it with my cell phone.”
“What about late evening golf when sunset has past?” ask the third player.
“The ba...

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A man is setting up to hit his golf ball which is on the woman's tee.

The ranger yells at him to move back to the men's tee. The golfer ignores the ranger and starts his back swing. The ranger screams at him again interrupting his swing telling him to get the hell back on the the men's tee where he belongs.

The red faced golfer now yells back "Would you shut th...

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A man with his pants pockets full of golf balls gets on a bus...

A man with his pants pockets full of golf balls gets on a bus and sits next to a blonde woman. The blonde woman notices his pants are bulging near his crotch area and keeps looking down towards his crotch. The man notices her staring at his crotch so he turns to her and she quickly turns hear head...

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What's the difference between a new golf ball and a spoilt child?

One's white and shiny, and the other is shite and whiny!

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A priest and a nun are going golfing...

The priest goes to the first hole, swings his golf club, hits the ball... and it just barely misses the hole.


"God dammit, I missed!" the priest says in anger, throwing his club on the ground. "If you keep saying that, the Lord is gonna strike you down" the nun warns, shaking her finge...

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My second-favorite golf joke

So a twosome tees off. Bob hits his ball right into a lake. Fred says, "You're out of bounds; better hit another." Bob says, "don't worry. Look."

Fred watches, astonished, as the ball pops to the surface and rows to shore. The ball hops out of the lake and rolls onto the grass.

So Bo...

18 Beautiful Women (long)

Three guys get lost hiking and stumble upon a farm with three barns and decide to spend the night. They agree to sleep in separate barns.

The first barn has 18 sheep, the second barn has 18 cows, and the third barn has 18 beautiful women. The guys draw straws and select their barn to sleep i...

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A husband and wife are playing golf...

A husband and wife are playing golf at a very high end golf course that's right next to an even fancier neighborhood. They tee off on the 3rd hole and the husband's drive veers sharp to the left, sending the golf ball through the window of an extravagant, luxurious home. Clearly the most expensive h...

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A man is out playing golf one day. He finds some golf balls that have been lost by other golfers and they look like they are of a high quality so he puts them in his pocket and plays on.

Back at the club house he goes to the bar to get a drink when a stunning, large breasted young blonde lady comes and stands next to him. They get to some polite conversation and the guy is acting cool. The blonde looks down and notices a bulge in trousers and begins to blush in embarrassment as she ...

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Jack staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his throat.

The doctor asks him what happened.

“Well it was like this,” said Jack. “I was having a quiet game of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.<...

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A man is rushed into the ER with a golf club wrapped around his neck

He has also been beaten horribly about the head and face. The ER doctor says, "My God man! What happened to you?" Through broken teeth the patient tells his story. "My wife and I and another couple went out for a round of golf. We went to that new course by the dairy farm out on highway 12. Well, we...

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One fine day in Ireland...

... a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodnes...

One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.

Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-...

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A man showed up at work Monday morning with a black eye and a bandage on his head...

His coworkers asked what happened and he told them he had a golf injury. They couldn't understand how such a thing could happen playing golf.

"Well," he explained, "I shot off the 5th tee and hooked it right into the rough, where the ball then wound up in a pasture. I was walking all around s...

A lawyer was out golfing

At the fifth hole, he was setting up his putt when he was suddenly smacked in the side of the head by a golf ball.

As the other golfer came running over, the lawyer pulled out his phone to take pictures of his head. When the golfer reached him the lawyer said "I'm a lawyer, and that shot's go...

Golfing

Karen loved the golf game but was not very good at it.

She was out on the links one day, playing with her husband John.

As usual, every time she swung at the ball, she made the earth beneath it fly every which way!

“My goodness, John,” she said, blushing at her ineptitude...

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