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Dead Bodies Jokes

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How many dead bodies

How many dead bodies in your basement does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than five, obviously. I can’t see anything down there.

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How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 6, cause my basement is still dark

What do you call a bunch of dead bodies in the streets of Tiananmen Square?

Your imagination

What do trash and dead bodies have in common?

Both keep piling up in my backyard.

Why don't dead bodies stink?

Cuz they're defunct.

Airplane crashed into a cemetery.

Rescuers have already pulled 10,000 dead bodies from the wreckage and are still pulling out more...

3 dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with big smiles on their faces.

The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner.

“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. D...

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Just to be sure, are dead bodies gay?

Cause they just keep coming out of my closet

What do you call outfits that are made from dead bodies?

Casual T's

What the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies.

There isn’t a Lamborghini in my garage.

Two dead bodies were found inside a trunk this morning

Police are seeking the public's help, particularly in locating the rest of the elephant.

A mortician was working late one night...

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry M...

I had to stop hanging out with my friend when he told me he's attracted to dead bodies.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

I got super freaked out when I saw 2 dead bodies hanging in my closet

I was relieved when I remembered I had just installed a mirror in there.

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An undertaker is showing a trainee around the morgue in order to get him used to dead bodies.

“Here I have three deceased men, an Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman.” Explained the undertaker showing the young trainee the dead Englishman.
“Why has he got such a big smile on his face?” asked the trainee.
“He died having sex with a beautiful woman” the old man replied.
Moving on to ...

Everyone knew it was the Spanish train operator who was behind the dead bodies hidden at the train station.

He always had a locomotive.

I just watched a movie where a serial killer murders people then cooks their dead bodies...

It was a heartwarming story from start to finish

What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em?

Barium.

It's funny isn't it, someone calls the police because they found a dead body and they are helping the police out...

I do the same after finding dozens of dead bodies and i they just tell me to "leave the cemitery"

I'm sick of the double standard…

When I burn a dead bodies at the mortuary, I'm doing a good job. When I burn dead bodies at home, I'm destroying evidence.

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Today I learned two things!

The word narcoleptic and that I've been telling people I fuck dead bodies for years

My car got stolen yesterday !!

I thought of calling the cops but then realized it was better not to call them and let the car thief take care of the dead bodies in my trunk.

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A coffin thief's dying request to his son

So a coffin thief is on his death bed and his son asks if there is anything he'd like his son to do.

He says I've spent my life stealing coffins and unfortunately, I've earned a very bad reputation along the way. However, he wants people to remember him in good words. He dies shortly thereaft...

Army Wargames

During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."

...

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.

When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.

A scientific study

I recently read a scientific study that was performed to investigate the number of birds being found dead in North America.

The scientists collected the dead bodies to keep accurate amounts of the deceased birds.

After months of collection, the scientists realized that nearly every s...

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A subordinate entered Hitler's chamber.

Hilter was sitting with a gun in hand, and eight dead bodies.

Subordinate : "Did you just kill 8 more troops ???"

"NEIN !", Hitler shouted, and shot the subordinate.

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Why is it called discrete mathematics?

Because it let's you figure out how many N dead bodies will fit into K cars.

Shits discrete.

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A traffic cop stops a man for speeding

Policeman: "Can I see your driver's license?".

Man: "I don't have it, they suspended it for speeding."

Policeman: "Can you show me the registration document of the car?".

Man: "It's not mine, I stole it".

Policeman: "You stole this car?".

Man: “Exactly. But wait a...

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An old woman gets pulled over for speeding..

The cop says, do you know why I pulled you over? You were speeding! She replies.. oh thank god! I thought it was for the drugs, guns and dead bodies in my trunk... oops. The cop, surprised, immediately calls for backup and dogs and swat.. the whole 9 yards. After about an hour of searching and discu...

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