Shortly after the Chernobyl incident...

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.

The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.

The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly i...

I just visited Ukraine's latest tourist attraction, Chernobyl.

I give it four thumbs up!

Why did the guy at Chernobyl cry,

Because he was going threw a meltdown.

Just been speaking to a mate of mine, he's just seen the Chernobyl documentary.

He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 11 historical inaccuracies on one hand.

How do you know a person from Chernobyl is happy?

They wag their tail.

Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person?

Because 2 heads are better than one.

A grandson asks his grandfather: "Grandpa, is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant?"

"Yes, there was"

answers the Grandpa and patted the grandson's head.

"Grandpa, is it true that it had absolutely no consequences?"

"Yes, absolutely"

answered the Grandpa, and patted the grandson's other head.

My buddy just saw the Chernobyl documentary. As someone that grew up there he said it was really inaccurate.

He was able to count 6 errors on one hand.

What do you call a kid from chernobyl with a broken leg

a glow stick

I just flew in from Chernobyl...

And boy are my arms legs

Potatoes from Chernobyl

An old woman is shouting at a Ukrainian farmers' market: "Potatoes from Chernobyl! Potatoes from Chernobyl!"
A passer-by asks her, "Why are you telling everybody that your potatoes are from Chernobyl? No one will buy them from you."
“They do, my dear, they do. For mothers-in-law, for neighbo...

I kept telling chernobyl jokes to my russian friend

But every one went straight over his heads

I have a friend that lives just outside Chernobyl

After watching the TV Show he told me that he managed to count 14 historical inacuracies within the first 20 minutes... ...then he ran out of fingers.

My Gran barely recognises me after I’ve been staying in Chernobyl for a few months.

It’s not surprising. I’ve grown another foot!

Disneyland will be opened in Chernobyl. As always, at the entrance, the visitors will be greeted by a 7-feet-tall mouse.

But this time, a real one.

Guess who's got 3 thumbs and just got back from Chernobyl!

THIS GUY!

A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.

Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.

I was an exchange student in Chernobyl...

There were so many extra-testicular activities

What do you call a used shirt from someone from Chernobyl

Third hand

A Soviet era joke about the value of hard work - Drink vodka, play cards

*This joke was told to me by a former colleague who was Russian, and had lived and worked under the Soviet system. He was a nuclear engineer there... and the only member of his team not sent to Chernobyl to help in the clean up. Anyway, like our hero of this story, I was fresh faced and a little hig...

A Russian joke from HBO’s Chernobyl

What do you call something as big as a house, uses tons of gas, and cuts apples into 3 pieces?



A Soviet machine made to cut apples into 4 pieces.

You can never trust someone from Chernobyl.

Most of them are two-faced.

Two scientist were exploring Chernobyl years after the incident.

They were shocked to find a man still living in the area seemingly unaffected by the radiation. They ask the man if he would return with them to conduct some tests to which he agreed.

They explained that as the man was probably highly irradiated, he would have to put on some protective clothi...

What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl?

Nuclear fishin'.

My GF is like the 4th reactor core in Chernobyl

Hot and non-existent

Would it have been possible to avoid the disaster of Chernobyl?

In theory yes, but those damn Swedes couldn't keep their mouth shut.

What do you call functioning communication equipment found in Chernobyl?

Radioactive.

A man visits his friend in the hospital after the Chernobyl accident

He says, "You look taller." His friend says, "Yeah. I grew a couple feet."

Im going to Chernobyl but the trip costs an arm and a leg

Thankfully by the time I get back I will have a few to spare

[NSFW] An American and a Russian walk in a bar...

“One beer, please,” asks the American before downing the beer.

“Da, two beer,” asks the Russian in response, downing both.

Not wanting to be outdone, the American ordered;

“Three beers and shot of whiskey, please,” before downing them all in quick succession.

Not one to b...

How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They glow in the dark.

Just watched “Chernobyl”. Turned to my wife and asked if I could put my “Control Rod” into her “RBMK Reactor”

She said no and had a complete meltdown.

I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl

And I gotta say I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.

Did you hear about the guy that reported the Chernobyl incident to the Soviet Government?

He was always such a goody 3 shoes.

Dont buy Ukrainian Boxer Shorts

Chernobyl fall out

After watching the first episodes of HBO's Chernobyl, as a resident of Pripyat, I can count on one hand all of the inconsistencies I have noticed.

So far, there are 27.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Red Riding Hood from Chernobyl with 3 boobs walks through the forest...

Wolf is checking her out from the bushes and thinks about raping her.
Wolf jumps out of the bush, tackles her and starts to undress her.

He sees three boobs and says: "Oh my God, you have three boobs!"
She replies to him: "If you don't like it, you can suck my dick!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looking at you is like looking at Chernobyl

"Why, because I'm radiantly beautiful?"

"No because you're a fucking disaster."

Ukraine has announced plans to open Chernobyl as a theme park.

They say ”Its just like Disneyland.” Except the 6-foot mouse is real.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

From “Chernobyl” on Amazon

What’s as big as a house, burns 20 liters of fuel every hour, puts out a shit laid of smoke and noise, and cuts an apple into 3 pieces?

A SOVIET MACHINE MADE TO CUT APPLES INTO 4 PIECES!

I asked a Chernobyl survivor if he wanted to listen to a fun story,

He said he was all ears.

Did you hear about the Dwarf Chernobyl survivor that went on to become a pop singer?

They're currently making microwaves in the industry.

A dad is patting his son's head.

The son looks up and asks "dad, is it true you lived in Chernobyl?". The dad sighs deeply, and says: "yes, son", and patted his other head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

I once knew a guy whose parents were from Chernobyl

On the one hand, he was friendly but on the other hand, he was quite clingy. But on the third hand, he had eight fingers.

Honey, I'm starting to think you were born in Chernobyl ...

"Dammit, Stacy! How many times have I explained that's impossible?!"

"I don't know Ben, *how many*?!"

"Well let's just count it on my fingers then ...

One!

Two!

Three!

Four!

Five!

Six!

Seven!

Eight!

Nine! ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man and an ukrainan walk into a bar

A black man and a ukrainian walk into a bar in Moscow

They look at eachother for a while and then the black goes first:

Give me a shot of vodka! -he says to the bartender (he gets it and drinks it)

The ukrainian looks at him and orders a shot of whiskey (he gets it and drinks...

How Pravda reported about the Chernobyl meltdown

In glorious power plant Chernobyl ingenious Russian engineers managed to fulfill 5 year plan of power production in mere 5 milliseconds.

What did the Chernobyl victim name his balls?

Bill, Kevin, Tom, and Steve

Did you hear about the guy who won an award for having the most extra body parts?

He won the Chernobyl Piece Prize.

I just heard about IG influencers stripping down at Chernobyl

I guess they really want exposure.

TIFU by googling Chernobyl at work.

I should have been more careful spelling “naked miners.”

Did you hear about that boy who lived in Chernobyl?

I heard he grew a foot since the last time I saw him.

Apples From Chernobyl

A man goes to a farmer’s market and sees apples and a sign that says “Apples from Chernobyl”.

The man says “What are you crazy? Who would buy apples from Chernobyl?” and the seller says “You’d be surprised. Popular present for mothers-in-law, the boss....”

You guys hear of the Chernobyl X-Games?

The RAD levels were off the charts! Everyone was totally sick!

A metal band comprised of Chernobyl survivors

6 Finger Death Punch

Vasili's father walkes into his son's room

"Vasili, I think it's time I told you something... Two things, actually..."

"Yes, father, what is it?"

“Well first of all, my son, you should know... You are adopted... "

Vasili slowly bows his head and starts weeping...

"The other thing is... Well, my dear child, we fo...

Chernobyl

Have you ever seen Ronald Reagan's response to the Chernobyl incident?

He thought the Russians were just "overreacting."

Why should you always wear a belt in Ukraine?

Because otherwise Chernobyl fallout.

The whole 'Chernobyl' topic is pretty hot right now.

Although I think it was a bit hotter in 1986.

Is it safe to eat apples in Chernobyl?

Pretty much, yeah, only the apple cores should be buried in concrete afterwards.

I just flew back from Chernobyl

These new wings work perfectly!

What meal was given out to the survivors of the Chernobyl accident?

Fission chips.

What do Chernobyl policeman and a box of chocolates have in common?

They’ll both kill your dog

I was ecstatic to finally visit Chernobyl.

Afterwards I spent weeks glowing and radiating happiness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

When I was exploring the area near Chernobyl, I touched an old electric pole.

That post gave me cancer.

I can fit the amount of times I have visited Chernobyl on my fingers

12

A scientist tried to recreate the Chernobyl disaster using only transparent gases

It was a new, clear reaction.

I learned that Chernobyl Nuclear Plant has a 4.1 star rating on Google.

Apparently it would be more, but people ran out of fingers.

The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl.

It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

It's very difficult to gather mushrooms in Chernobyl

they scramble in all directions when you walk up to them.

What’s the most popular breakfast in Chernobyl?

Eggs Quarantine

An old ukranian man once told me

“I can count the number of times i’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand son”

“How many times?” I asked

“14 , it’s 14”

What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs during the day, and three legs in the evening?

A man who lives in chernobyl.

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