UPJOKE
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This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it

It's still fowl language

ah auto correct!

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

block quote
"I am so sorry Bob. I'm riddled with guilt and I have to confess.ā€

I have been tapping your wife for many weeks now.

I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse.

I hope yo...

I used to work as a programmer at auto correct.

They fried me for no reason

The inventor of auto correct died today.

His fun fair is next monkey

Doctor: I'm sorry John, but you suffer from Auto Correct Syndrome

John: I didn't even know I was I'll

Auto Correct

Text to Neighbor:



Hi Fred, this Richard next door. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you face to face. at least I'm telling you in this text and I can't live with myself a minute longer ...

Freaking auto correct

I got the number of a local artist from one of her works, so I texted her this by accident...



"I want to buy your panties, Leslie."



How embarrassing! Her name is Leela.

The man that invented auto correct

should burn in hello.

God damn auto correct...

Always making me say things I didn't Nintendo

Iā€™m so thankful for auto correct

Otherwise Iā€™d be ducking up everything.

Auto-correct is so crazy now a days...

My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'

To the person who made auto correct

Restaurant in piece

I really hate auto correct.

It's become my worst enema.

When you turn off auto correct

ALL LOPE IS HOST!

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar sits down and asks for a drink from the bartender and says "All lawyers are assholes"

A man next to him says "Hey, that's offensive"

"Why you a lawyer?" The man replies

"No I'm an asshole"

Edit: well that's what I get for using auto correct. Word

Why do anti-vaxxers always make typos?

Because the Bill Gates microchip comes with auto correct

I started taking fencing lessons...

The teacher started yelling fencing terms I didn't understand.

"Lunge!"

"Parry!"

"Reposte"

I stopped and said, "I can't do that, this is my first post in r/jokes and I don't wanna get flamed."

(Ain't much, but at least I tried)

I'd really, really love to adopt a kid some day.

Abort*
Sorry, I hate auto correct.

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

My wife sent me selfie...

My wife sent me a selfie of herself in a new pair of jeans, asking if her ass looked big in it.

I texted back "Noo..." but my damn phone auto corrected it to "Moo..."


Please send help...

I Am Using Your Wife.

A man received message from his neighbour.

Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
<...

Skydiving without a parachute...

Is a once in a lifetime opportunity.


I heard this on a spotify ad and it cracked me up. I thought I'd share it.:)

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