2500 Jokes - 23 Hilarious 2500 Jokes

I just burnt 2500 calories

This is the last time I take a nap while baking cookies

Its the year 2500 and students are in history.

A student asks the teacher why is there a gap in the textbook between 1990 and 1999 and the teacher answers “because only 90’s kids remember.”

My cousin has 2 tickets for the super bowl and paid $2500 for each ticket.

he didnt realize last year it was going to be the day of his wedding.

If interested he is looking for someone to take his place.

Her name is Lisa Phillips 35, about 140lbs, a good cook, She'll be in white

I went to the confidence store because I didnt have any confidence. So they gave me some confidence for $2500.

But I think they tricked me.

How do you milk sheep?

Bring out a new iPhone and charge $2500 for it.

(Please not this is the new 2023 edition of an older joke which used to be a bit sheeper)

A city boy was getting ready to move to the country...

He went a local horse breeder and bought a fine looking horse for a $1000 and told the man he'd be back in a week when he moved in to pick it up.

A week later the city boy drives his brand new truck and horse trailer to the breeder's ranch to pick up the horse.

The rancher says, "Sorry...

Don't make a decision before you have studied all its aspects ! Don't make a decision when you are angry !

An iron company manager, while touring the company noticed a young man leaning against the wall and doing nothing.

He approached him and said softly, "How much is your salary?"

The young man was calm and surprised by the personal question.

He answered, "2500 dollars a month, sir...

HR jokes

My salary was 2500$. One month I received 2700$ and I kept quiet. The following month I received 2300$ and I went straight to the HR Manager to complain.

The HR Manager asked why you did not complain the previous month when you got 200 extra?

I replied - I normally forgive the first mi...

Boss hired a secretary

10 days later the Boss *committed suicide* by jumping from his 27th floor office...

Police : Who was there at that time in the room ?

Secretary : I was there.

Police :What happened ? Why did he commit suicide ?

Secretary :He was a good man. One day he bought ...

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Husband hired a hitman.....

Ok it's my first time be gentle I heard this one when I was young and never understood till I was older.

A husband finds out his wife is cheating so he hires a hitman. The hitman lays out his price 5gs for both. The husband request he shoots the wife in the head and the guy she is with to sho...

A depressed man walks into a lawyer’s office...

“I’ve been accused of stealing!” he exclaims. “They day I stole canned ham from the back of a delivery truck. But I’m innocent!”
“Alright,” the defense attorney says. “I’ll take your case. But it’ll cost you $5000.”
“I’ll pay you $2500 now, and pay the rest after the trial,” the man says.
...

3 Warsaw Pact generals are sitting around a table..

discussing military rations for their armies.

The East German General says "For a East German soldier he needs 2500 calories a day to be combat fit for battle!"
The Soviet General scoffs and says "Pfft for Soviet soldier to be combat fit he only needs 2200 calories a day!"
The Polis...

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Oedipus travels to the future.

When he arrives, he is amazed by the wonders he sees around him. He finds the nearest person he can. "Where am I, and what age is this?"

"Athens, 2019" the man says sarcastically.

"Athens!? This looks nothing of the city I know, and you tell me I traveled 2500 years into the future!?"<...

A buddy of mine has box seats for the upcoming Super Bowl

He paid $2500 each for them, but when he bought them months ago, he forgot didn’t know that the Super Bowl would be on the same day as his wedding. So he’s looking for someone to take his place. It’s at the St. Andrews church on Queen St at 4:30 pm. The brides name is Nicole, is 5’3” 105 lbs and is ...

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A man is at a conference in Las Vegas....

...and decides to procure the services of a call girl. The hooker comes to his hotel room and they proceed to negotiate.

"What's on the menu?" the man asks.

"Well, a hand job is $500," said the hooker.

"Five hundred dollars? For a hand job?" the man exclaimed.

The hooke...

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

A White House construction bid.

A drunk driver runs through the iron gates on Pennsylvania Ave and a White House official has been tasked with contracting the fix and getting a quote breakdown.

He calls a general contractor in Texas. "Yezzir, that'll be a $3k job. $2500 for me and $500 to my Mexican crew".

The offici...

Elderly vacation

An elderly couple were vacationing in Jerusalem and on the night before the return trip, the wife passed away in her sleep unfortunately.

When the widowed husband went to retrieve his beloved wife’s body he was given two options.

1. Pay $5k for expenses in order to have his wife shi...

An old lady goes to the Airport with her dog in a pet carrier.

She says to the ticket agent, “I am going to Israel with my dog and I want to make sure nothing happens to him. He is very important to me. Please take good care of him and I will reward you with $10,000”. The ticket agent says no problem and takes the pet carrier. She goes to the baggage handlers a...

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Legless Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any legs."What happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm defective."

"Wow," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I happen to be a highl...

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A man's best friend

A man decides to get a mascot and heads to the pet store. He began to walk up and down the aisles looking at the different animals available but found fault with each. Dogs needed to be walked constantly. Cats are loners. Ferrets smell. Fish are boring. Snakes are, well, snakes. After roaming around...

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Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

College money...

There was a kid that went to college, and his Dad sent him enough money for the whole year, well the kid blew through that in the first half of the first semester.

He didn't want to just ask his Dad for more money because he knew he probably wouldn't give it to him.

So he calls his...

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