2015 Jokes - 55 Hilarious 2015 Jokes

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Sex Ed in 2015

Remember kids, 'Netflix and Chill' is only one "D" away from 'Netflix and Child.'

At 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground

Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot

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It’s Friday night and a young woman gets chatting with a handsome army sergeant in a bar.

After a couple of drinks she asks: “So when was the last time you slept with a real woman then?”

A little taken aback, the sergeant replies “Let’s see...that would have been about 2015”.

With that, the woman takes him home for a thoroughly enjoyable evening. Afterwards she exclaims: “W...

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen snort in 2015?

Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

Caitlyn Jenner won Woman of the Year on 2015

Proving that even when men are women... they're better at it than women are.

A Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are playing golf

An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. “That’s a group of blind firefighters,” they are told. “They lost their sight saving our clubhou...

From 2004-2015, Chelsea FC had the best goalkeeper in the world

On second thought, Petr Cech that one

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I'm kinda terrified for 2015

2 + 0 + 1 + 5 = 8.
The EXACT number of nipples Hitler would've had if he had 6 more nipples!

Nintendo recently found a truck that was stolen in 2015 and all the Wii games were still in the trailer.

They released them for sale at only $59.99.

Remember in 2015 when John Cena was a big meme?

Now it's practically invisible.

Cleaning out my fridge in 2015

I smelled something gross and it it was coming from my fridge. I looked and there was a rotting orange. "I bet it would be funny if I put googly eyes and doll hands on it" I say to myself and I forgot about it for a year. Next thing I know I see it on the news with them saying it won the election! W...

2015 was an odd year

It will all even out this year though

In 2015, while addressing graduates of SMU, George W. Bush said;

"To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the 'C' students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States."

Then Donald Trump came and said “Bush has denied us, Americans our right to be POTUS!”

It was a crisp autumn morning in 2015, I was in a job interview.

When the interviewer asked me where I'd be in 5 years, I said I'd be sad, lonely, locking myself at home and playing Animal Crossing.

I guess you can say I have 20-20 vision.

I am so grateful to say I've been sober since 2015

Or for those that don't use military time, since 8:15 p.m. last night.

My 2015 new years resolution

1920x1080

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Heaven meeting year 2015

Every year in heaven jesus and the apostles gather up for a meeting to discuss about earth's problems.
The theme of the year is.. Drugs, they discuss about it for a while with no succes
and then it comes clear: they don't know the subject enought to fix it...

So Jesus tell his apostle t...

TIL when China ended the one-child policy in 2015 there was actually a significant rise in adolescent euthanasia.

Sorry, youth in Asia.

I found a bug in Madden 2015

I sacked Tony Romo, and he didn't break his collarbone.

What's the difference between 2015 and Moore's Law?

One's the year of the ram, the other is the ram of the year.

TIL in 2015 three inmates from a maximum security prison beat Harvard’s debate team.

With their fists.

Apple more profitable than Samsung still in 2015

Guess you could say they definitely out cell the competition.

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

Using a pencil to vote in the 2015 General Election...

As safe an option as letting Jimmy Saville volunteer in a Kids Hospital.

My black friend asked me where to find the color copier

I said it's 2015 and he can use whatever copier he wants to

I propose we divide the music of 2010s into two distinct eras, centered around the release of "White Iverson" in 2015.

We could call it Pre- and Post Malone

2010: Didn't jog.

2011: Didn't jog.

2012: Didn't jog.

2013: Didn't jog.

2014: Didn't jog.

2015: Didn't jog.

2016: Didn't jog.

2017: Didn't jog.

2018: Didn't jog.

2019: Didn't jog.

2020: Didn't jog.

2021: Didn't jog.

2022: Still haven't jogge...

Did you hear about the attempted shooting at the 2015 Pokémon World Championship?

The gunmen tried to escape, but luckily, officers were able to catch'em all.

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A Marine Sergeant recently returned from Afghanistan attends his 10 year high school reunion

At the 10 year reunion for Lockwood High School class of 2010, Allison is getting a fresh drink when she runs into Jim. Jim was a bit awkward and quiet in high school, but now he's wearing a Marine sergeant's uniform, with a row of ribbons.

Allison strikes up a conversation and Jim has become...

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TIL that in 2015 Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald became one of the first ever same sex couples to get married in Ireland.

They're perfect for each other because Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

Now that it is 2015 we should all really be on the lookout for Marty Mcfly.

If it is only to forewarn him to invest heavily in Parkinsons research on his return to 1985.

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

...

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In 1466, Dracula started eating 16-year-old virgins.

In 2015, he died of starvation.

My cat just passed...

RIP Fluffy McMittens

2002-2003 2003-2005 2005-2007 2007-2008 2008-2011 2011-2013 2013-2014 2014-2015 2015-2017

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Speaking of foreskins.....

A baby boy was born back in 2015 with a rare condition called Ablepharon-macrostomia syndrome that left him without eyelids. This happened in my small resort town in upstate NY, it turned that there was a world-renowned plastic surgeon in town and he performed a surgery to correct the condition. Du...

So in retrospect...

in 2015 not a single person got right answer to “where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”

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It’s 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. “Too cliche” says Arnie. “What about dead musicians.” “Great idea. I’ll be Coltrane. What about you?”

“I’ll be Bach.”

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Having sex often keeps your memory sharp.

With that, I wish you all a productive 2015!

I went to a bookstore the other day ...

After wandering around for a while, an employee in a colored apron approached me.

"Can I help you find anything, sir?"

"Oh, yes. Sure. I'm looking for a book about turtles."

"Hardback?" she inquired.

"Yep, and little heads."

---

Retelling of a joke by Mark ...

1900: Let's filter coffee.

1950: We need to filter cigarettes.

1970: We should really filter water.

2015: I want to filter my face.

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How long after a tonsillectomy is it safe to give a blowjob?

Asking for my wife. She had the operation in 2015 .

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Remember, having sex on a regular basis helps your memory significantly.

I wish you all a Happy 2015.

My New Years Resolution is to get a girlfriend

After what happened in 2020, i didn't get the chance to, but 2021 will be the year.

~~After what happened in 2019, i didn't get the chance to, but 2020 will be the year.~~

~~After what happened in 2018, i didn't get the chance to, but 2019 will be the year.~~

~~After what happe...

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An attractive woman is sitting alone at the bar and sees a man with a military-style haircut sitting by himself at the other end, nursing his drink.

The woman notices that the man is looking glum and hasn't made any attempt to speak to anyone besides the barkeep. She takes a swig of liquid courage, saunters down the bar, and sits next to the man.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you a soldier? I couldn't help but notice your haircut!" The woman ...

My 2019 goal

My goal in 2019 is to accomplish the goals I set in 2018 which I should have done in 2017 because I made a promise in 2016 which I planned in 2015…

My wife said that I need to pay more attention to what's going on around me.

So, in 2015, I'm going to try harder.

Two bears and three bears walk into a bar.....

They ask for oil price from 2015 through 2017.

Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?

In 2015 humans consumed 65 million tons of bananas and only 8 monkeys.

How many moths does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, but they are literally killing themselves trying.

I was aiming for a little light humour but I think it's actually rather dark because of the amount of death I've witnessed in the writing of this joke.

Written by Drew P. Robertson on July 19th 2015 just in case of any fu...

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Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear

Knock knock

Who's there?
Probably a murderer because it's 2015 and a normal human being would just text "here"

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Serious top linked post on /r/science made me laugh: "Giant methane storms on Uranus"

Original link: http://phys.org/news/2015-03-giant-methane-storms-uranus.html

The Wonderful Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on
a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and
begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'
<...

2016 New Year Scratchcard

2015 is going to end soon! As an appreciation of your support to [/r/Jokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/), every subscriber here can get one of the reward below:

* Grand Prize: iPhone 6s Plus 128G
* Second Prize: Samsung Galaxy Note 5
* Third Prize: Nintendo 3DS
* Consolation Priz...

A ride to Buckingham Palace

2015:
As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides out to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th-century carriage hitched to six white horses. They cont...

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