UPJOKE

You Ever Notice Jokes

Have you ever noticed how most Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put "anal" in front of them?

Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger, Focus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever noticed what a woman's asshole does when she has an intense orgasm?

He's probably out, drinking with his buddies...

Have you ever noticed that old ladies all smell the same?

Especially when you dig them up after 3 weeks.

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Have you ever noticed how cocky violinists are?

They take a bow before they even play anything.

Have you ever noticed that Jesus on the cross always looks great, with amazing abs?

He was the original cross-fit.

Have you ever noticed that all airline Captains have the same last name?

Every public address they make beings with: “Welcome, this is your Captain Speaking...”

Have you ever noticed that Ireland is just one sea away from....

Iceland

Have you ever noticed that someone driving slower than you is an idiot

and anyone who drives faster is "A fcuking idiot"

Have you ever noticed the tags that you can use when posting on r/Jokes?

For some reason, people can't use the OC tag in their posts.

Have you ever noticed why hot-dogs all look the same?

It's because they're in-bread.

You ever notice how a lot of girls will trail off instead of finishing a sentence?

It’s because they only get one period per month.

You ever notice all the feathers left after a game of chess?

It's like only Toucan play at a time.

Have you ever noticed how in shape Jesus looks on the cross?

Cause if you think his abs look shredded, then you should check out his back

You ever notice how Long John Silvers employees care more about themselves than the actual customers?

It must be because they all sell fish.

Have you ever noticed that most archaeologists are women?

They love digging up the past.

Have you ever noticed how people walk slower when they want to admire something and how they walk faster when they are scared?

Me neither because people are usually far away from me.

You ever notice that all Dillards are basically the same and only exist in malls? You know what they say though...

...when you've seen one Dillards, you've seen a mall.

Did you ever notice all of Michael Jackson’s songs have the same key change?

He would always go from C-minor to F-minor.

When you see geese flying in V formation, have you ever noticed that one side of the V is longer than the other? Well, there's a reason for that.

There are more geese on that side.

Women are happier in February

A social media researcher walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Have you ever noticed that women complain less in the month of February?" he asks the bartender. "Really?" the bartender asks. "I hadn't noticed. Is it because of Valentine's Day?" "No," the researcher replies. "Near as we can tell we've...

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It was 1988. A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot...

... One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond n...

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2 dogs were chillin' one day...

...when one of them says to the other "You ever notice that people always let another person lick their genitals instead of doing it themselves?"

The other dog exclaims " Holy shit! A talking dog!"

Five Things

Here are the five best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk at work: 5) "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 4) "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to." 3) "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You pr...

The World of Business

Did you ever notice how when someone offers you a penny for your thoughts, they're really just asking for your two cents?



\#TotallyNotAScam

Ducks....

When ducks are flying south for the winter they fly in a V formation.If you ever notice one side of the "V" is always longer than the other side,do you know why that is?


There are more ducks on that side.

I'm immortal

Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?

"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."

"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."

"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
...

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Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

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