UPJOKE

Have You Ever Noticed Jokes

Have you ever noticed how most Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put "anal" in front of them?

Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger, Focus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever noticed what a woman's asshole does when she has an intense orgasm?

He's probably out, drinking with his buddies...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever noticed how cocky violinists are?

They take a bow before they even play anything.

Have you ever noticed that old ladies all smell the same?

Especially when you dig them up after 3 weeks.

Have you ever noticed that Jesus on the cross always looks great, with amazing abs?

He was the original cross-fit.

Have you ever noticed that all airline Captains have the same last name?

Every public address they make beings with: “Welcome, this is your Captain Speaking...”

Have you ever noticed the tags that you can use when posting on r/Jokes?

For some reason, people can't use the OC tag in their posts.

Have you ever noticed that Ireland is just one sea away from....

Iceland

Have you ever noticed that someone driving slower than you is an idiot

and anyone who drives faster is "A fcuking idiot"

Have you ever noticed why hot-dogs all look the same?

It's because they're in-bread.

Have you ever noticed that nearly every map of Europe...

...forgets the "L" in Australia?

Have you ever noticed how in shape Jesus looks on the cross?

Cause if you think his abs look shredded, then you should check out his back

Have you ever noticed that most archaeologists are women?

They love digging up the past.

Have you ever noticed that American and Canadian coins look basically the same? Is that intentional?

Or is it just a coin-cidence?

When you see geese flying in V formation, have you ever noticed that one side of the V is longer than the other? Well, there's a reason for that.

There are more geese on that side.

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It was 1988. A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot...

... One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond n...

Women are happier in February

A social media researcher walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Have you ever noticed that women complain less in the month of February?" he asks the bartender. "Really?" the bartender asks. "I hadn't noticed. Is it because of Valentine's Day?" "No," the researcher replies. "Near as we can tell we've...

I'm immortal

Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?

"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."

"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."

"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
...

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An atheist and little girl were sitting next to each other on an aeroplane.

'Flight goes quicker when two aeroplane buddies chat to each other,' said the atheist to the little girl.

'What would I want to talk to you about?' replied the little girl.

'I dunno, maybe about how why there is no God.'

Now the girl believed in God and was also very smart indee...

A context joke

Have you ever noticed that when you say, "I hope you're hungry" in a place like America it's nice.
But if you say that in Africa it is a cruel joke.

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In a small convent

There was the priests side and the sisters side, and there was only one large bathroom, with several showers.

In order to not disturb the sisters, the priests went all together to take their showers around midnight. On one of those nights, at the bathroom and already naked, one of the priests...

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