UPJOKE

You Ever Seen Jokes

Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?

A naked woman jumps into a taxi. The taxi driver stares at her, looking her over from top to bottom. The woman is offended and asks the taxi driver "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The taxi driver responds: "Oh, it's not the fact that you're naked that bothe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With a seductive voice... With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile,
unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever seen the porn version of “Gilligan’s Island?“

In the end, they all get off

Have you ever seen serial numbers on a condom?

That’s probably because you’ve never had to roll it back far enough.

Have you ever seen how ducks fly in a "V" shape and one side is longer than the other? Do you know why that is?

It's because there's more ducks on that side.

Have you ever seen a man who was murdered by a jigsaw?

They always look puzzled.

Why don't you ever seen women magicians?

Because the last time we did we burned them

Have you ever seen a picture of Stevie Wonder's kids?

Neither has he!

Have you ever seen a really beautiful woman and thought to yourself you should go say something?

But then you realize it's a bad idea. She's probably going to freak out when you walk out of her closet.

Have you ever seen a Spanish Muslim?

Once you see juan, you see jamal.

Have you ever seen ....

I've been saving these to send to my grandsons. The more the merrier - feel free to add your own.

A horse *fly*?

A goldfish *bowl*?

A shoe *box*?

A floor *mop*?

A cat *fish*?

A spelling *bee*?

A chimney *sweep*?

A chicken *strip*?

A monk...

Have you ever seen the show Naked & Afraid?

It kinda reminds me of playing hide and seek with my uncle.

Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in the bushes?

See just how good he is?

A beautiful young woman who is very liberated, walks into a bar completely naked. She stands in front of the bartender and says "I'll take a cold beer!" The bartender serves her the beer and stares at her, not moving. "What's wrong?" she says "Haven't you ever seen a naked woman?"

"Yes, many times!" the bartender replies
Then why do you look? the woman asks.
"I want to see where you're going to get the money to pay for the beer!"

Have you ever seen something so attractive and so hot that it makes you melt like ice cream when you see try to get close to it?

I haven't. I think I'm seeing stars.

Have you ever seen Puns: The Musical?

If not, you really should. It's a great play on words.

Have you ever seen the movie "Constipation"?

It never came out.

Why haven’t you ever seen any elephants hiding up trees?

Because they’re really, really good at it.

Have you ever seen uncensored episodes of Road Runner?

If you do you'll understand why they beeped him out.

Have you ever seen the invisible man?

Nah, but I’ve heard him!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever seen the comedian who always shits his pants?

His humor is very self-defecating.

Have you ever seen 6 women topless at the same time?

Sounds like a lot dozen tit?

Have you ever seen the serial number that is printed on every condom?

No? Oh, you must not have needed to unroll it that far...

Full disclosure: I searched and although this joke is definitely a repost, it's been about a year since the last time so I took an executive decision to post it again.

Have you ever seen a blind person reading braille in public?

Neither have they

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

"Have you ever seen a mailbox before?" asked my postman sarcastically.

I said, "Yes. Floyd Mayweather."

"Dave, have you ever seen a lie detector?"

"Seen it? I'm married to one!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever seen a Toadstool?

Looks just like a frog shit.

Have you ever seen something and just wanted to devour it?

Anyways I lost my job as a gynecologist today.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever seen a ghost?

An expert in psychic phenomena is giving a conference to a group in Dublin. The speaker asks, "If I may be so bold, has anyone here ever seen a ghost?"

Some people raise their hands. "Good" he says. "Now, has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Again, a few people raise their hands. "E...

A newly married couple

A newly married couple make their way to bed and everything is going well until...

"Ooh! Oh! Look at that! What's wrong with it?" cries the bride.

"It's just my junk!" says the groom, offended.

"Yes, but's what's wrong with it? They're not supposed to look like that! It's all tw...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.