What do you call an Arab who has been injured in a bombing?

An ambulance, you racist!

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What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile

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What do you call a penis that disappears?

A Magic Johnson.

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What do you call a man with a small penis?

Justin

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Hey ladies, what do you call a guy that doesn’t eat pussy?

You don't.

What do you call a sword only used by women?

A broadsword.

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

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What do you call a boner at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed?

An iWitness.

What do you call a flock of sheep tumbling down a hill?

A lambslide.

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?

***A faux pa.***

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What do you call a haunted pair of breasts?

BoOoOoOoOobs

What do you call a man that shaves ten times a day?

A barber.

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What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?

Bi-yourself.

What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?

a pirate ship


i know it sucks but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it

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What do you call the space between 2 artificial breasts?

Silicone Valley......

I'll leave and close the door behind me

What do you call someone who hates people who are missing toes?

Lactose intolerant

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo.

..... too much??

What do you call an Australian in space?

An Austronaut

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What do you call a license to cum?

A spermit

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ below 70?

A politician.

If someone takes their watch off their arm and interlocks it with enough other watches to use it as a belt, what do you call it?

A waist of time.

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What do you call a horny cow?

Beef jerky.

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Q: What do you call 500 neo-Nazis at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start.

Q: What do you call 500 triathletes at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A bad start.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs?

Matt

What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad!

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

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What do you call a morgue that doubles as a porn set?

A creamatorium.

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church

What do you call the fear of giants?

FeeFiPhobia

What do you call a dead hooker?

Free

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mom

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What do you call the fat around an asshole?

A politician

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What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

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What do you call a bad Gastroenterologist?

Shit for brains

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

***Depresso.***

What do you call a large reptile that shows up out of nowhere to start a fight?

An insta-gator!

What do you call a blonde with one brain cell?

Gifted.

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

What do you call a line of men waiting to get a haircut?

A barberqueue

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A maybee.

What do you call a man missing his left leg and a woman missing her right leg?

Solemates

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB...

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What do you call someone who is really good at giving blowjobs?

The head master.

What do you call an Irish guy who sells lawn chairs?

Patty O'Furniture

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What do you call a donkey who is always getting up to mischief, is tall and thin, forgot his morning coffee, is handsome and strong, smells really bad, loves country music, has one eye, and three legs?

A hanky-panky, lanky, cranky, spunky, hunky, stinky dinky, honky tonky, winky, wonky donkey!

What do you call someone who has nothing and wants to share it with everyone?

A communist

What do you call a rectangle that’s full of blood?

An erectangle


(Came up with this in math class lol)

What do you call an obese psychic?

A >!four-chin teller!<

What do you call a Jewish beer?

A hebrew .

What do you call a dog who uses magic?

A Labracadabrador

What do you call the meat from a cow that died in a helicopter crash?

Kobe beef.

What do you call a knight who’s kind of a bad guy?

Mid-evil

What do you call a cow that you sit on but it’s super painful?

A couch.

What do you call a dying samurai?

Necronin

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What do you call a Welshman who transports sheep?

A sex trafficker.

What do you call a pirate's wife?

Land Ho!

I'll show myself out.

What do you call being stoned, naked and stabbed?

A bargain. The best I ever had.

What do you call a person that speaks 3 languages?

Trilingual.
What do you call a person that speaks 2 languages?
Bilingual.
What do you call a person that speaks 1 language?
American.

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What do you call a blowjob from kermit?

A handjob

What do you call a tea without mass?

Empty

What do you call a bunch of dead puppies on the side of the road?

A LITTER

What do you call people who believe in Satan?

Christians

What do you call an Hispanic, an Asian, and an African American who walk into a bar?

By their names you racist pricks!!

What do you call a Belgian businessman?

An Antwerp-eneur!

What do you call an Engineer who doesn’t know how to use a calculator?

A project manager.

What do you call a 60 year old Canadian woman who flys planes over the pacific ocean for living?

A pilot.

What do you call a fat alcoholic?

A heavy drinker

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her

What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

A Pokemon

What do you call a magician whose lost all his magic?

Ian......

What do you call carving a pumpkin in September?

Premature ejackolantern

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What do you call a group of prostitutes?

A Cum Unity

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What do you call boob sweat?

Humiditties

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What do you call it when you have a baguette in your asshole?

Pain in the ass

What do you call a body of water that won’t follow its own rules?

The Hypocri Sea

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off

What do you call a factory that makes just "ok" products?

A Satisfactory

What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through 10 ft. of garden hose?

Baby! Honey! Darling!

What do you call a constipated cop?

Off doodie.

What do you call a beaten up batman?

A Bruised Wayne....

What do you call a spicy Jewish bread?

Challapeno.

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What do you call a construction worker with a boner?

A hard worker....

What do you call it when your friends offer you weed but refuse to share their alcohol?

being left high and dry

What do you call an elephant in a dress?

Elegant

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Philippe Phloppe

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What do you call a virgin on a water bed?

A cherry float

An older woman who dates younger men is called a cougar. What do you call an older man who dates younger women?

Rich.

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What do you call a hotel for people with small dicks

The bear-lee inn

What do you call a professional troll?

A master-baiter.

I'll see myself out

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What do you call a woman who has sex with everyone?

I'm filling out my divorce documents

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody nose...

What do you call a nun 10,000 feet in the air?

Nun of the above

If a group of lions is called pride, what do you call a group of humans?

Prejudice.

What do you call a russian suicide bommer?

A kommiekaze!

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What do you call a male bee's private parts?

BEEZ NUTS

NSFW. What do you call a hooker that likes to take it in the rear

NSFW

A back ho

(Fogive me, 1st post but my dad told me this one today.)

What do you call a driver that brakes all the way down a hill?

Wasted potential

What do you call a plane that's not actually there?

An Ilyushin.

What do you call a Starbucks fraternity?

Kappa cappuccino

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What do you call a gonad that thinks it's better than the other one?

Egotesticle

What do you call birds who stick together?

Velcrows

What do you call a group of well-dressed theoretical physicists?

A bunch of Feynman

What do you call a snuggly rabbit?

Hugs Bunny

What do you call a wolf that is woke?

Awarewolf



(credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. *sigh* please, don't wreck my karma)

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What do you call a sad whale?

Mopy dick

What do you call a stoner who fell down a hill?

Tumble weed

What do you call it when someone is mildly polite in space?

Comet courtesy

What do you call an Army Commander who is covered in pepper?

A seasoned veteran

What do you call a gamer who works at a abortion clinic?

Spawn camper

What do you call a tree that’s stuck on a math problem?

Stumped.

What do you call two Orthodox Jewish brothers who solve mysteries?

The Haredi Boys

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender!

Came up with this while putting chicken tenders out at my old job. lol

What do you call a merman's junk?

Beach balls!

[OC] What do you call a lizard supervising computer screens of other lizards who are attempting an online exam

Monitor monitor monitor monitor monitor monitor

What do you call the bad part of town in Italian?

A spaghetto

What do you call someone who jumped off a pyramid?

In denial

What do you call someone who jumped off the Eiffel Tower?

Inseine

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What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full.

What do you call 2 potatoes that hate each other?

Starch enemies

What do you call a veterinarian that can cure only one species?

A doctor.

What do you call a man who can’t stand?

Neil

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call a rooster watching his hen get fucked by another rooster?

A cluckold.

What do you call the grim reaper with hearing problems?

Deaf..

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call a person who say they don’t masturbate?

A liar

What do you call an abusive and cosseting parent?

An Apache Attack Helicopter

What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?

Tootin' car man. (My friend swears she made up this joke so I'm pretty sure this is actual OC)

What do you call someone who overpays for caulk?

A caulk sucker

What do you call it when your alligator stops doing what it’s told?

A reptile dysfunction.

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call the testicles of a peacock?

His peanuts.

What do you call a female squirrel?

A girrel.

What do you call a laptop that sings?

ADell

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer


What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?


Still no eye deer.

(I'll see myself out)

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call scat porn with poor production quality

A shit show

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What do you call it when one German WWII soldier lies to you, then another, then two lie to you, then three tell you a lie, then five lie to you, then eight, then thirteen....

A fibbin' Nazi sequence

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying on your doorstep?

An ambulance.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call a group of Soviet musicians undergoing sexual reassignment?

Trans Siberian Orchestra

What do you call a religious fish poem?

A Psalmon.

What do you call a hentai-themed band?

My tentacle romance.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call that backseat gaming friend who gets pissed more than the actual player?

a moderator.

What do you call a female author?

Paige Turner

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call a prostitute with a small ass and a big appetite?

Bottomless hoe

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What do you call a man doing standard deviation?

A sigma male.

What do you call a dog that's blasting out music at the bottom of the ocean?

A subwoofer.

(You can credit/discredit my son for coming up with this)

What do you call a group of racist bakers?

The cake cake cake

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

*Roberto*

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call those black and white movies where nobody speaks?

Interracial porn

What do you call a gator in a vest?

A

In*vest*i*gator*!

What do you call a donkey with three legs

A wonkey

What do you call a divorced cookie?

Misfortune cookie.

What do you call a Dothraki rapper?

Wiz Khaleesi

What do you call a Jedi ninja?

Obi-Wan Shinobi

What do you call a person whose job is paint cars.

Car Painter

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call a masturbating bull?

Beef stroganoff

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