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Tought Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day my mom knocked the bathroom's door asking why i was taking so much time in there

I said: I'm jerking off and smoking pot!




And she was like: thank God. I tought you were wasting water.

Killer

A grandson asks his grandfather:

Grampa did you get to kill anyone when you were in the army?

Yes, I killed more than 50 men.

But I tought you were an helicopter mechanic!

Yes, but not a good one.

2 friends meet each other. Matt is afraid, while Lycas is wet.

Lucas says: "Why are you scared?". Then Matt replies: "Yesterday, I was driving my car and accidentally I hit deer. I tought it was dead, so I thrown it in a nearby lake. By the way, why are you wet?". Lucas replies: "I was going to a costume party, dressed like a deer. Then someone hit me, and then...

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1st grade teacher asked the students: What is the fastest thing in the world? Tony replied: lightning. Melanie said: light Jimmy said:

Diahrrea.
The teacher asked Jimmy why He tought diahrrea was the fastest thing in the world?
Jimmy said:
Last night while sleeping I felt the urge to go to the bathroom, I got up as fast as a lightning went to turn the light on and before the light was on I had already shit myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fly is flying over a river

(Sorry for bad eanglish)

In the rive is a fish and the flhe tought to himself "if the fly would just come little bit lower i could jump and eat it"

On one of the sides is a bear and thinks to him self "if the fly would go lower the fish would jump and I could snach him"

On the ...

a man meet his friend

sitting on a rock in the middle of his living room. as they're carrying it outside the man says :

\- man why was that rock here ?

\- because of the genie in this bottle

\- a genie ?!

he takes the bottle and a genie gets out and says :

\- i can grant you one wish...

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A guy had a very very very long penis

He had so many problems with it that he finally realised he needed medical attention.

So he goes to the doctor but the doctor says: "There is nothing we can do... although... there is this witch on the hill that might have a fix for you."

So he went to the witch on the hill.

Upo...

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A rich guy had three equally beautiful girlfriends...

and decided to marry one of them. So he devised a method to decide which to marry. He gave each of them $25000 and twenty days later, the first returned it to him. "Love," she said, "using the knowledge you gave me, I invested the money and earned it all back,with interest." He thought, "Wow! She's ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and opens his suitcase revealing a million dollars in cash.

"I'll give this million dollars to the first person who can sing "Auld Lang Syne" and give me head at the same time."

Immediately people started a stampede, men, women and children all alike, towards the mans crotch. They whipped his dick out and started battling over who gets to do the "perf...

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