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Studie Jokes

I have a degree in men's studies.

It's called "world history".

#TRUMP 2016! YOU CAN'T STUMP THE TRUMP!

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..

of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.

Studies say most stabbings are committed by someone close to the victim.

Within arm's length, to be specific.

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
...

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million.
The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Studies show that 98.9% of men masturbate

The rest don't have arms.

What do you call a black guy who studies rocks?

a geologist, you racist!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

Recent studies have shown that 67% of women have used vibrators

The other 33% have brand new ones

Studies show that...

Most people dont know the opposite of following words:
Always coming from take me down

My friend studies mushrooms

So I told him he's a fun guy.

He says that's the moldest joke in the book.

I said it's a classic, one you myght call OG.

"Amanita explanation on that one," he says.

"Nevermind," I say, "s'porely written anyway."

What's the singular of "Women's Studies?"

Study abroad.

The Institute of Incomplete Studies (ISS)

determined that 7 out of 10 people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The latest scientific study on polar bears was just published

The study noted that loss of habitat in the north pole has caused some bears to migrate to the south pole, and also a severe increase in the number of manic/depressive symptoms in the bears studied. Due to lowering numbers, many bears were expressing sexual behaviors towards other bears of both sex...

A mathematician and an engineer play a game to get laid…

At the other end of this room,” the Game Master points out, “is a beautiful, young, naked, consenting woman. If you reach her, she will fulfill any and all of your fantasies.”

The mathematician and engineer both look at each other with excitement.

“The only rule is that each step you...

What do you call a person who studies the color blue?

A cyantologist.

Not a joke but a real incident that happened to an indian acquaintance of mine when he moved to Australia for higher studies..

So he comes out of the airport and gets into the cab.

The Aussie cab driver asked where he is from ?

He replied 'India '.

The cab driver asked ' So did you come to die?'

He froze as it was the times when there were racial attacks by white Aussies on people of indian des...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl is sleeping in her religious studies class...

The teacher asks the class, 'According to the Bible, who created man?'. The boy sitting next to the sleeping girl is bored and wet willies the girl. She wakes up and screams, 'OH GOD!'. The teacher replies, 'Correct!' The girl falls asleep again.

Next, the teacher asks the class, 'Who is th...

2 college friends skip studying for Chemistry final to party

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the ...

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...

Studies show that 75 percent of blondes have lower-than-average intelligence.

Luckily, I’m a blonde and I’m in the remaining 35%

If a biologist studies biology and a nutritionist studies nutrition

Trump must be an expert at studying races.

Studies show "not jokes" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever.

Not.

Studies show that cows produce more milk...

when the farmer talks to them.

It's a case of "in one ear, and out the udder".

Why do women get to name their studies “women’s studies”

but men’s studies is just named STEM?

I studied the trends of bike sales

They were cyclical

I studied the cantaloupe joke

I’ve done it! I studied the origin of the cantaloupe joke. Then I then fact checked it into the night, and oh my God, it works on every level! I now present to you, the cantaloupe joke, and why it works.

Why must a melon get married in a church and nowhere else?
…
…
Because, due to i...

Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm

Studies show that a lot of women turn into good drivers

So If you're a good driver, look out for women turning

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband: Babe, studies show that having sex is the same as running 10 kilometres

Wife: Bullshit, who runs 10 kilometres in 30 seconds?

Studies show that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate the new homosexual studies class I'm taking this year...

It only has oral tests.

I studied 10 pages of a dictionary

I learnt next to nothing

A German joke from 1944

How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.

My friend who studies history just reformatted his online notes in time for his finals

Too bad though, war crimes are now justified

Studies find if a woman has a glass of wine a day increases the chances of a stroke.

If you let her have more she might suck it too.

What do you call someone that studies idiots?

A derpetologist.

Recent Studies...

...have shown that 1 out 6 people do not like Russian Roulette.

What do you call a Christian who studies fossils?

An Episcopaleontologist.

Studies have shown:

100% of bald men have no hair

Rich sheik's son studies abroad

The rich sheik's son is sent to Europe to study. After a month, he writes an e-mail to his father:

"Father,
I'm doing great here. My classmates are nice, the professors are great and the courses are well-structured and organized. There's one small thing though - I feel kind of embarrassed ...

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