A man arrives at a hotel after a long train journey to Moscow, exhausted. He comes into a communal room and sees three other guys who are drunk and talking loudly

They are cracking anti-government jokes and laughing at president Putin. The man is annoyed that he can’t sleep so he hatches a plan. He walks out into a corridor and asks a staff member to bring him a cup of tea. He then comes back into the room and starts talking to the noisy fellows:

“Com...

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A Recently Divorced Man on an Adventure

A man and his wife got a divorce after 15 years of marriage. After a month of feeling down he decided he needed to get over it. One Friday night he and a mate go to a brothel to have some fun. He asks the madam for a girl who is adventurous and special as he has had blowjobs and missionary sex for h...

How many Karens did it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

She just holds the lightbulb in the socket and expects the rest of the world to revolve around her.

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

11. One to put the bulb in the socket and ten to drink until the room spins.

How does Trump change a light bulb?

He holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the universe to revolve around him.

John was a police officer known for being brutal and unjust.

He was a malicious man, injuring people for shoplifting and killing robbers. His partner, a blonde officer, never called him out for it, always blinded by her own ignorance. After work one day, he and she heard something in the closet. John moved in to investigate, when a man in a pig mask jumped ou...

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A man gets out of prison and finds a prostitute.

“I just got out of prison and haven’t had sex in a long time. I only have $20. What can I get?,” he says.

The prostitute replies, “I can’t help you but I think I know someone who can.”

So he goes to her friend and tells her the same story. The friend can’t help him but sends him to som...

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A man goes to a brothel and asks for a unique experience.

A man goes to a brothel and asks for a unique experience.

The madam introduces him to a working woman with a glass eye whom brings him to her room.

Once there, she pops the glass eye out of the socket and tells the man to insert his penis in the orifice and thrust in and out.

F...

How many redditors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None they just copy and paste other people’s lightbulbs into the socket and get all the credit

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

*One to hold the bulb up to the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them, three to scream at the circuit breaker and belittle it for controlling power, and eight others to console the first four while they tweet about how problematic this traumatic experience has been for everyone.*

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Man with a speech impediment goes shopping...

First he goes to the bakers, "can I have a bum please?" he asks. "Do you mean a bun?" Says the baker. "Yes," the man replies, buys the bun and gets on his way...

Next he goes to the electrical store, "can I have a sucket please?" he asks. "Do you mean a socket?" Says the shop assistant. "...

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A Peg-Legged, Hook-Handed, One-Eyed Pirate...

After thirteen months of sailing the seven seas, a battle-worn schooner filled to the brim with booty and booze makes port in the rag-tag pirate isle of Tortuga.

The captain - a buccaneer known the world over for his utter lack of mercy, his terrible greed, and his hearty girth - lumbers off ...

Just some jokes about musicians.

How do you know the stage at a concert is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.

What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.

What do floutists eat for breakfast?
Flute loops.

How do you tune three oboeists?
Shoot 2 of them.
...

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