Personal Trainer Jokes - 42 Hilarious Personal Trainer Jokes

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I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer.

So I said: "Ok, this isn't working out."

I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

I don't think I'm strong enough anymore for my job as a personal trainer

So I guess I'll hand in my too weak notice

I spoke with a personal trainer about things I could do to help me lose weight, and he suggested I try a medicine ball.

I hate to have to tell him but I did, but no matter what I do or how much water I drink, I just can't swallow it.

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

My personal trainer told me to drink a protein shake everyday at 3 in the morning.

But that's whey past my bedtime.

Personal trainer just got 10 years for dealing coke

I’ve been going to him for years. Just shows you never really know someone.

I genuinely had no idea he was a personal trainer

My friend hired a personal trainer a year before his wedding.

I thought wow, how long is the aisle going to be?

I felt my personal trainer was being a bit of a bigot today…

When he told me his one rule was “no trans fats“.

I fired my personal trainer today.

I couldn't handle the ab use.

My personal trainer said she wanted me to do a push workout.

I've since been arrested for trying to pull her jogging bottoms down.

My personal trainer said I should reduce my fats.

I already do, though. By eating them.

Apparently Elton John has a personal trainer for his rabbit…

It’s a little fit bunny

Old guy with his personal trainer

Old Guy in the gym with a personal trainer: What machine do I use to get the hot girls?

Trainer: The ATM in the lobby!

I hear jewish personal trainers are the best.

They muscle tough.

My personal trainer was giving me advice.

He said, "You have to have a life outside the gym."

I was so offended that I walked out with my sleeping bag.

I have two personal trainers...

One on each foot!

What's the difference between a personal trainer and a bully?

None, they still take your money after beating you up.

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My personal trainer told me to eat all of my meals naked in front of a mirror to help me eat less.

It didn't do anything for me, but boy were the other people in the restaurant pissed off.

A personal trainer gets a new client...

Their first day went smoothly, and the client seemed to be totally into everything the trainer was teaching him.

Over the next few weeks, the trainer became more and more impressed with this client, as he was the most dedicated client he had ever had, and was making tremendous progress. ...

I was in the gym with my personal trainer. He asked me if my family had any experience with exercise.

I said, "My father has a really impressive bench."

"Oh does he?" he asked. "I might have to see it some day."

He was quite surprised when I led him to the park.

I wanted to finally have a six-pack so girls would like me so I hired a personal trainer to work me out...

...I quit after two days because I couldn't take the ab use.

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What’s the difference between a bunch of bugs and Dwayne Johnson’s personal trainers?

One is a group of cockroaches, the other’s a bunch of Rock coaches

My new personal trainer encouraged me to do do fifteen push-ups every commercial break on TV

Man... I love Netflix!

The personal trainer at the gym advised me to try some resistance training. So far it's going really well.

I've resisted going to the gym for six days now.

My personal trainer in Moscow surprised me by making me do a weird turning movement while holding a medicine ball.

I guess you can say it was a Russian Twist.

As a child I wanted to be a personal trainer but I ended up as a politician.

At least I still convince absolute idiots that change is being made.

An older guy starts working out at gym with a personal trainer. Soon after, a really fine looking woman came in and started working out.

The older guy looks to his personal trainer, “what machine can I use to impress her?”

“The ATM in the lobby,” the trainer replies.

A man walks into a gym and asks the personal trainer which machine will make him most attractive to women..

The instructor points to the back of the gym " The ATM machine"

My son was mad at me today, and said "I wish my dad was dead!"

My son was mad at me today, and said "I wish my dad was dead!" The sky went dark and there was a loud crack of thunder that freaked me out. But then nothing happened, so we went home.

My wife was home, and she was very upset. Her personal trainer had been killed by lightning.

300 lb man decides to lose weight one day.

A 300 lb man decides he is tired of being so fat and wants to lose weight. So he gets on the Internet and finds a program that claims you can lose 10lbs in 2 weeks or your money back.

So he orders the program, and the very next day there is a knock on his door. He opens it up and there is a ...

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[OC] I came up with it on the toilet

My personal trainer told me eat healthy like he does. I eat healthy, but not like him. He eats super clean and that is hard for me. I asked him what would be the benefit for me? He said he eats so clean he doesn’t even have to poop anymore.

I think he’s full of crap.

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Some friends and I were having a discussion about our professions.

"I fuck more of my clientele than any of you," spouted Johnny, rather confidently.

"What do you do?" I asked him.

He replied, "I'm a personal trainer."

"That's great," I added, "But I definitely fuck more of my clientele than you."

"What do you do?" he asked curiously....

The Photographer.

A Los Angeles agent representing a wealthy photographer called and asked to speak to his client.

"Brittany, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The photographer replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."

The ...

A woman wants to lose some weight

A woman wanted to lose weight so she joined a gym. She hired the best personal trainer the gym had.

After a few months of working out with him she still had not lost any weight. The trainer believed it was because she was still eating unhealthy at home. He suggested she hire a nutritionist t...

I was in the gym.

"1,2,3,4," counted my personal trainer, as I panted.

"Come on," he added, "Now we've got you down the stairs, we can do a workout!"

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[NSFW]George and Sarah had been married for 5 years

George and Sarah had been married for 5 years. It was a failing marriage. George couldn’t do anything in bed to impress Sarah and never got her to orgasm. He tried everything. As a last ditch attempt, he went to a psychic named Roxanne.

George asked Roxanne how to surprise Sarah in bed and g...

[Long] A body builder was showing off in the mirror at his gym.

Able to lift twice the weight of anyone else around, he routinely boasted about how he was the greatest and everyone else was beneath him while drinking his huge container of protein shake.

One day, after seeing a new extremely attractive woman at the gym, he decided to show off some more by...

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Wise words and thoughts.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tole...

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Weight Loss Program

I very much like this old joke, and I hope you will enjoy it too.

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A guy, feeling bored and tired of lounging all day and getting unhealthier as a result, decides to apply for a weight loss program.

The first day of the program arrives, and he receives a text message from t...

Career Choices

As a child, I thought about being a musician, but all my efforts fell flat.

In High School, my teachers seemed to be pushing a career as an astronaut, but then I realized they had something else in mind when they said I was “a real space cadet.”

My first job was working in an ora...

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The Gym (at 40) - Try and read this without laughing out loud!

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

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