Need To Know Jokes - 26 Hilarious Need To Know Jokes

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)

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One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

Why do you need to know gymnastics to invade Russia?

Because you need to be able to make a summerassult.

How to know everything you need to know

Once upon a time, a woman moved to a cave in the mountains to study with a guru. She wanted, she said, to learn everything there was to know. The guru supplied her with stacks of books and left her alone so she could study. Every morning, the guru returned to the cave to monitor the woman’s progress...

There's two things you need to know to get succesful

First of all don't tell everyone evrything you know

Ok guys, so l know where the Big Apple is. But can any of you tell me, I need to know where the

Minneapolis

Top 20 shocking facts you need to know about Triskaidekaphobia!!!

Number 13 will scare you!

I need to know what did Logan Paul do!

Seriously guys, don't leave me hanging

I need to know if this works

So I've come up with another joke. Feel like it's a bit 'meh'.

I think I had an invisible sniper friend once - his name was Theo Reticle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here is a useful information you need to know : Orthodox priests are allowed to get married. That explains why the priest is believed to have a wife. Now read the joke.

A man from a small Bulgarian (Orthodox country) village had an insurmountable desire to sleep with the local priest's wife. In order to ensure that the priest would not come home in the wrong time the man asked a good friend of his to find a way to keep the priest in the church for long enough. The ...

Things need to know about me

A. Bad at grammar

B. Bad at titles

C. Grammar

D. Repetitive

H. Don't know the alphabet

5. Inconsistent

7. Don't know number line

12. Repetitive

237. Too ambitious

(239) Inconsistent

(6) Childish

(7) Easily distracted
...

Why does my doctor need to know if I'm for or against states?

He said I needed a pro-state exam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I need to know your best 'Yo Mama' Joke.

I just got schooled in a Yo mama rank fest(Yes i'm 39, so what) and I need some serious ammo to get back at this ass. Thank you all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doc, I need to know...

A middle aged man is getting a physical and the doctor asks him if he has any health concerns. The man says, well, there is one thing on my mind. When I was 20 years old, with both hands I could not bend my penis when it was hard. When I was 30 years old, I could bend it a little bit with both hands...

I am taking a test and I need to know what element Au is. Can someone help me?

I'm going to fail this test if I don't have the answer

What book tells you everything you need to know about a boy band?

An NSYNClopedia.

What's the oldest you can be to get a circumcision?

I need to know the cutoff date.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

A lady gives her maid notice, so the maid decides to speak her mind 'You need to know, I am a better cook, cleaner, more attractive and better in bed than you' The lady is outraged and screams 'How dare you insinuate my husband says such things!'

'I didn't' says the maid 'The gardener does'

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

“I know this is difficult for you ma’am, but we need to know exactly how you were tortured by the accused. You said that after the hot poker came the pliers pulling out your toenails, but each time you start to tell us the final torture, you break down. Now take a deep breath, & tell the court...”

“Well”, she sobbed, “before he let me go [sob] he made me... he made me........ watch ‘Holmes and Watson’ twice in one sitting”

An African Lumberjack

An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

"Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said.

The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single ch...

Lawyers...?

Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding.

In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married.

"Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."

Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you."
<...

A guy asks for a condom in a drugstore.

The clerk tells him –“I need to know how wide are you to give you the correct size”. He tells her he has no idea. So pharmacist hands him a wooden board with different diameter holes in it and tells him to go to bathroom and measure. He comes back 15 minutes letter and tells her – “The Hell with th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He knows it, everything, the whole truth.

While playing in the street, little Johnny's 9-year-old friend shows him his new bike.

\- “Whoa, where did you get that from” Johnny asks.

\- “Well”, his friend tells him: ‘I bought it for a 100 bucks that I made yesterday.’

Johnny, 9 years old and getting 1 dollar per week of p...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." And so on.

The bartender hands them two glasses of beer and says, "You guys need to know your limits."

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