UPJOKE

My Wife Said She's Leaving Me Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said she's leaving me because I "can't do anything right when it comes to housework. "

Selfish bitch, it took me hours to mop that carpet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said she's leaving me because I always exaggerate....

I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock.

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making coffee without the filter. The judge agreed

Apparently it's grounds for a divorce

My wife said she's leaving me because I'm drunk all the time

Dear God, I got married?

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When my wife said she's leaving me because she's never seen me sober, all I could think was...

Fucking hell, I got married?

My wife said she's leaving me because I don't listen to her

Or something. I dunno I wasn't listening.

My wife said she's leaving me because i'm too patronising.

I said "Ooh, 'patronising' that's a big word!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said she's leaving me because she can't remember the last time we had sex

I was so shocked I nearly dropped my rohypnol.

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making silly puns about her dark yellow oven glove.

However, I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and find her gone, I mustard mitt.

At breakfast this morning, my wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

I nearly choked on my #Brown

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