UPJOKE

She Left Me Jokes

I had a girlfriend in highschool but then she left me

The other day, she came back saying she wants us to get back together. I refused.

It's not like anything has changed. She still likes rich guys and I still like teenage girls.

My wife and I got into a fight the other night and she left me...

It's all good though she said we could still be cousins.

My wife didn't leave me because I'm lazy, overweight and jobless. She left me because I don't know anything about baseball.

That was strike four.

Me and my French girlfriend started a bakery in Paris with our life savings. It didn't take off. I went bankrupt. She left me.

Now all I have is pain.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

My girlfriend said she left me because of my obsession with The Monkees. At first I thought she was kidding..

..but then I saw her face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was her bread and she was my jam. One day she left me saying..

..you deserve butter.

My wife asked me what I would do if she left me

Apparently "your sister" wasn't the right answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

She left me a note...

I will never understand my wife, she is so sensitive.
I come home from work last night and she'd left a note on the fridge...

"It's no good Harry, it's just not working. I am going to stay at my mums for a few days."

I opened the fridge, the light came on and my beer was stone cold....

She left me a note, on the fridge...

"It's not working anymore, I'm leaving you".

I opened up the fridge and it is working. She left me for nothing, that idiot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife hates when I have a day off and she doesn’t. So she left me…...........

A huge list of shit to do.

Once I was almost in love with a psychic

She left me before we met.

My girlfriend left me because I'm too laid back.

Well, I think she left me. Haven't seen her in like a month.

My girlfriend convinced me that certain aquatic mammals don't exist right before she broke up with me.

She left me in otter disbelief.

I couldn’t find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it...

Apparently, she left me two days ago...

Ruthless

My wife's name is Ruth.
She left me.
Now, I am Ruthless.

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