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Have You Ever Jokes

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Kinky sisters……..

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven.

In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question....

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Interview for a job

John goes to the Postal Ministry to face for an interview for a job in the Postal Department.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes - coffee."

"Have you ever been in the military service?
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The i...

Have you ever noticed how most Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put "anal" in front of them?

Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger, Focus

Have you ever been extreme camping?

It's in tents!

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Have you ever laughed so hard you've pooped yourself?

That'll be self defecating humour.

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.

The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing...

Two old men in a pub that have been friends for decades are talking about golfing

One of them took a drink of his bitter and then asked the other "Now, I know the game can sometimes frustrate us all. But have you ever been in such a deep desperate situation where you got so angry that you picked up your clubs and hurled them into the lake near the course?"

But before the ...

Have you ever heard of the brave little German boy who can only count to 3?

He knows no vier

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Have you ever seen the porn version of “Gilligan’s Island?“

In the end, they all get off

A Maulvi was standing outside a bar preaching...

A Maulvi was standing outside a bar preaching to people not to drink alcohol because it is haram.

Abdul said, "Maulvi Sahib have you ever tasted whiskey?"

Maulvi said, "No"

Abdul said, "Try drinking once.

At first, the Maulvi kept refusing, then s...

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Sportsman's Callenge

(25/M) I was at the bar the other night. Early. I could read my book, and drink my bourbon without distraction. I'm reading, drinking, enjoying my time.

About an hour in, a very good looking older woman walks in. She sits right next to me and orders a Bulleit bourbon, light rocks. As that's w...

A newly married couple make their way to bed and everything is going well until... "Ooh! Oh! Look at that! What's wrong with it?" cries the bride. "It's just my junk!" says the groom, offended.

"Yes, but's what's wrong with it? They're not supposed to look like that! It's all twisted!"

"That's what they look like!" he replies.

"Have you ever SEEN another man's junk?" the bride demands.

"Well, no - but I'm normal! This is what they look like!"

"No they don't!" sh...

Wife asks her husband: “How many women have you ever slept with?”

Husband responds: “One, two, three, four, you, five, six… six total”

Have you ever smelled moth balls?

I can never get their tiny legs apart.

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Have you ever been driving

And seen another driver do something so incredibly stupid that you had to stop masturbating?

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A man with no arms and no legs is sunbathing on the beach

A beautiful woman walks over to him and says “awww you poor thing! I bet you’ve never been hugged before have you?”

He replies: “well, no actually I haven’t!”

She leans over and gives him a big hug.

“I bet you’ve never been kissed before either, have you?” she asks.

Once ...

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A man takes his wheelchair-bound girlfriend down to the riverbank

After laying on the grass and talking, he asks: "have you ever been cuddled"?
"no" she smiles, and they cuddle.
Twenty minutes later, he asks: "have you ever been snogged?"
Again, she smiles, "no", and they passionately kiss.
It's going well and trying his luck, he whispers: "have you...

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4 nuns go to heaven

4 nuns arrive at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter is there to meet them with a bowl of Holy Water.

St. Peter goes up to the first nun and says, "Have you ever touched a penis?"

The first nun responds, "Yes I have. I have touched a penis with the tip of my finger."

St...

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Last bullshit of the year. Have you ever heard of the greatest chinese cowboy

His name was Yee Ha

What's the most persuasive argument against democracy?

"Have you ever worked in retail?"

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates...

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.



'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her al...

Have you ever had duck eggs?

They're good for making quackers

Have you ever looked up synonyms for trash

and found they are garbage?

What a waste.

;-;

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A Tale From The Old West . . .

"An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post.

As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

He looked at the woman and laughed, "H...

Have you ever dated someone with a high-pitched voice?

They're nothing but treble.

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Have you ever noticed how cocky violinists are?

They take a bow before they even play anything.

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A guy with no arms and no legs is lying on a beach... (Warning: dark humor)

Then this beautiful, voluptuous blonde comes walking by, sees the crippled guy and starts pitying him. So she walks up to him and asks him: “Would you like a kiss?”

The guy looks up and says a bit hesitantly “Um… yes!”

So the woman bends down and the two of them make out for a long whi...

Have you ever smelled mothballs?

My coworker asked me this today. “Of course!” I replied

She interjected “How did you get their tiny legs apart?”

Have you ever noticed that old ladies all smell the same?

Especially when you dig them up after 3 weeks.

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