Half Empty Jokes

Dave: (reading) a pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.

Wife: [returning from the kids room] why is half my soda gone?

Dave: because you’re a pessimist.

Applicant: It's completely full.

Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory.

An optometrist says, “you both need glasses.”

Doesn't matter if your cup is half full or half empty, the point is,, You need to buy a different size bra.

Me : It’s because you’re a pessimist.

I’m not pessimistic, I’m just a raging alcoholic.

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

Optimist Prime.

It’s currently half empty...

Meanwhile while the three are arguing, the opportunist comes in and drinks the entire glass of wine.

They are calling the prehistoric philosopher "optimist prime."

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read.

After a few minutes the man tu... read more

Nothing.

Y'know, the 'universe half empty' kind of guy

Pessimist Prime

Too soon.

A cowboy is hitching his horse in front of the saloon when a man storms out with a pistol. The cowboy walks into the bar, past a barfly with a half-empty drink, orders a beer and asks the barfly

“Who’s the guy who just stormed out looking for trouble?”

The barfly responds “Oh him? That... read more

The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY

The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL









*The woman slapped them both for staring !*

Them: "the glass is half full"

Others: "the glass is half empty"

Me: "they didn't get my order right"

I was sent on a positive mindset training course today. It was good but the room was half empty...

Desperate, he rushed into the bathroom that no one in the house ever uses and slammed the door shut.

As the thumping of the casket trying to break through the door echoed through the rather empty bathroom, the man frantically searched the place for something he can fight the casket with, howe... read more

Immediately, the first person pipes up, "Ah, I see the glass is half full!" This person is an optimist.

The second person states, "Naw man, why would he bring us a half-full glass? He obviously drank some. It's now half empty." This person is a pessimist.

The third person scoffs, "Why ... read more

After downing half of his glass of milk, my ten year old son declared, "*I am an optimist: 'The glass is half empty!'*..."

"*Looking at the glass as half empty is a sign of pessimism son,*" I said.

He smiled and corrected me: "*Not if you don't like what's in it!*"

- Son! Why is the whiskey bottle half empty?
- Cause you are a pessimist.

Some people think the cup is half full, some think the cup is half empty, I think the cup is an important piece of sporting equipment that doesn't need to have its content measured

An optomist, a pessimist, and an engineer were all shown a 24 ounce glass with 12 ounces of water in it.

The optomist looked and said, "the glass is half full."

The pessimist looked and said, "the glass is half empty."

The engineer looked and said, "there's twice as much glass... read more

Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full.
I'd say "Hey, That's a nice glass!"

...there's a note attached to it: "don't drink it, or else you will go blind."
The next day, the bottle is half empty and someone added to the note: "I will risk one eye."

A big, muscly man enters the bar, slams the counter and says in a deep voice: I want 10 times more beer than everyone here is having.

The bartender says: Now thats an order of magnitude


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An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first asks for... read more

There was half of a glass of water sitting on a small table. They would have the subjects of the experiment (other students from the University) come in and describe what they see. Depending on the students’ answers, they would determine their personality type.

The first student comes in and ... read more