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Donat Jokes

I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign

Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.

I tried donating blood today. Never again!!

Too many stupid questions. Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from?? Why is it in a bucket???

Went to donate blood today...awful experience, never again....

Question after question..."who's blood is it?"....."where did you get it?"....."why is it in a bucket?

A pastor, an imam, and a rabbit decide to donate blood.

The pastor comes out and says, “They tested it and told me I’m A positive.”

The imam follows up with, “Interesting! I found out I’m AB negative.”

The rabbit looks at the two of them and says, “Pretty sure I’m a type O.”

Wife: "I have a lot of my own clothes I'd like to donate."

Husband: "Why bother? It's easier to throw the clothes in the garbage can."

Wife: "Don't be selfish! There are so many poor people who have no clothes and are starving."

Husband: " Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving..."

A local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.

The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"


The lawyer thought about it for a minut...

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The law...

Why are sperm donations more expensive than blood donations?

They are hand made

I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions

Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

Me: “When I donate blood I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.”

Receptionist: “Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn’t work that way.”

How can you donate money to Taliban?

Just pay your taxes in United States

I won a million dollars and donated a quarter of it to charity!

I now have $999999.75 left.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....

How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

Today a woman knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave her a glass of water. I love supporting the comminity.

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a blood donation clinic.

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asked the rabbit, “What is your blood type?” The rabbit responded, “I’m probably a type O.”

A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"

The children unanimously replied, "No."

The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."

Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how ...

Donate a kidney and they call you a hero...

Donate a kidney and they call you a hero...

I tried to donate 6 kidneys and people started asking all kinds of questions and calling me Dexter. Like, who the heck is Dexter?

Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero.

I donate five, and get arrested?

When I die I'm going to donate my body to science.

That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cashier: Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?

Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.

Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy.

Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket

During the USSR regime a communist governor is visiting one of the small towns in his district

The mayor of the town is excited to show the governor how dedicated his people are to the communist party, so as they are walking through the town bazaar, he pulls one of the farmers aside
to ask him a couple of questions.

He asked "Comrade, if you had two apartments, wouldn't you be ...

A charity worker goes to visit a very successful businessman in his town to find out why he has never donated to any charity in the community.

"Sir, you have been so very successful in this town, and this community has given you much. Why have you never given back to the community?"

The businessman says, "Listen, son, did you know that my wife's mother has been suffering for years in the hospital, and requires constant care and medi...

I just donated 100$ to a charity for blind children

But I doubt they'll ever see any of the money

what type of blood do ghosts donate?

plasma

A man who donated one kidney is a hero.

Yet I get investigated for donating 10???

Me: "At the blood bank, it's always a nurse who takes the donation"

Nurse: "sperm banks are different, sir"

When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth

He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.

Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.

I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.

I was never a fan of organ donation.

But then I had a change of heart.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was in an elevator one day & noticed an attractive woman running to make it before the door closed.

He held the door for her to get in and then politely asked her “what floor?” “3rd floor” she replied, “ I come here once a month to donate blood & they pay me $50”
“That’s a coincidence” said the guy because I come here once a month myself, donate semen & they pay me $200”. Just then th...

Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members.

Thanks for the stranger kind Silver!

Did you know you can donate sperm by post?

When I found out, I came in a jiffy.

I'm thinking of donating my body to science

It's taking up too much space in the freezer.

I tried donating two classic board games to a thrift store, but they said they could only take one. I asked which one they wanted and they said...

Sorry. We don't want any Trouble.

Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint.

But donate three or more, and suddenly you’re a “monster.”

Why don't oysters donate to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

TIL sperm donors are paid $50 per donation.

It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers.

A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in a bar. As they approach the bar, they see a blood donation booth. The rabbit hops to the nurse to be the first to donate. The nurse looks at him and ask: “What’s your blood group?”

The rabbit says: "I dunno, I think I might be a Type-O."

I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal

I just donated all your toys to the orphanage

Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage

Son: Why?

Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i take you there.

For once you want to do something good and donate blood…

….immediately, there are stupid questions: Who‘s is this? Where does it come from? Why is it in a bucket?

Donations

A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The bartender walked over and asked, "What's the problem, pal?" "My brother just told me there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood that pays $50 for a donation." "Yeah, so?"

"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a for...

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit go to donate blood at their local bloodbank.

When the arrive they are asked what bloodtypes they have.

The priest thinks and says “I believe I am a type A positive”

The minister says“I’m quite certain I'm a type B negative”

The rabbit tugs on his beard and thoughtfully says “I think I’m a type O”

Why do the nurses at the blood donation clinic have autocorrect disabled?

Because they always want more type-o’s.

So this young kid goes out to solicit donations for Jehovah’s witnesses.

It’s dark and cold and the rain is coming down in buckets. He sees a house with the lights on and runs up the driveway and knocks on the door. Half a minute later the owner opens the door and the young fellow informs him who he is.

“Well don’t stand out there in the rain. Come on in and dry ...

Dave was going to donate my sperm

So Dave went to the center one day.

The nurse gave Dave jar to store it.

After some time Dave went back to the nurse with an empty jar.

The nurse asked Dave why it was empty.

Dave said "I couldn't do it myself, I tried one hand, then two, but it did not work".

T...

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Donating

A woman (Tiffany) has fallen on hard times lately. She sees an ad online stating this company will buy her eggs for $200 a pop.

She goes to the building and gets in the elevator and presses the button for the 2nd floor. A man gets on and presses "5." The woman recognizes him as a friend from ...

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We donated my fathers body to science today…

and boy was he pissed.

When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan

But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

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NSFW: I asked a group of prostitutes if they would donate their services to my charity.

None of them gave a fuck.

My ex just donated her eggs and got $3,000! WTF?

I donated sperm and all I got was a weird look from the Salvation Army Santa.

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I keep seeing advertisements encouraging people to donate blood...

But every time I try to donate they have too many questions for me, like:

"Who's blood is this?!"
and
"Where did you get it?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons

No strings attached

A man walks in a hospital to donate one of his kidneys and gets praised for it.

I walk into a hospital with 50 kidneys and I get arrested and called a psychopath.

If you donate one kidney everyone praises you!

But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling and you lose your job as a surgeon.

Sheesh!

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A girl meets a guy at the donation clinic.

He asks her, "So what are you donating today?". She replies, "I'm giving blood, I get $25 for it! What are you here for?". He smiles and says "Oh I'm donating semen. I get $150 for it." The girl is shocked and outraged. The next month, the same guy sees the same girl and asks, "Oh you here giving bl...

If I won the Mega Millions valued at 750 million today, I would donate a quarter to charity.

Not sure what I would do with the other 749,999,999.75 dollars though.

Putin is held hostage by a terrorist.

A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:

Driver: What's going on?

Policeman: ...

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A man donates blood to save his wife.

In a life or death situation a man gives his wife blood to keep her alive.

However, a few months later they get divorced. At the divorce hearing the man demands his blood back.

After receiving a tampon to the face, he yells angrily, "What the fuck was that?!"

To which the wife r...

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A joke about an old Jew.

For context, the Western Wall, found on the Temple Mount is the holiest site in Judaism.

Here is the joke:

An old Jew prays briefly at the Western Wall every morning.

A reporter says to the old Jew:

"What have you been praying for?"

The old Jew says: "I have been p...

Collecting Donations

A driver was stuck in traffic on the highway outside Washington D.C. Nothing was moving. A man walks up and knocks on the car window. The driver rolled down his window and asked,
"What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire U.S. Congress, and they're asking for 100 million dol...

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

I went to donate my kidney yesterday

I went to donate my kidney yesterday... they called me a good person


I went in with 2 more today and they called the police on me

A man leaving his apartment building runs into his female neighbor on the elevator.

"Good morning, what are you up to today?" he asks.


She replies, "I'm going down to give blood."


"How much do you get paid for giving blood?" he asks.


"About $20 a pint." she says.


"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the spe...

What's a guy doing when he's donating sperm for money?

A nut job

I'm a very generous guy. In fact, I've donated millions.

Of sperm to the sperm bank.

My coworker is asking for donations for his charity marathon

But I’m afraid he’s just going to take the money and run

What type of money do you make when you donate to a sperm bank everyone day?

Passive incum

The priest angrily asks the altar boy standing two meters away,

"Are you secretly drinking the holy wine?"

The altar boy remains silent. The priest's anger grows.
"I'm asking you! Can't you hear me?"

"No, I can't hear anything from here, Father."

"What do you mean? You're just two steps away and you can't hear me?"

The altar...

I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind.

It will be missed.

My only form of income is donating blood

It's sucking the life out of me

When I donated a kidney, they said I was a hero.

But when I donated 7 more, they seemed a lot less appreciative.

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A Man donates blood to save his Wife's life.

Later they split up, Husband says, I want my fucking blood back,

wife puts her hand in her panties and pulls out a tampon, she then throws it at him and says I'll pay monthly.

I donated 1 kidney and they called me a lifesaver

I donate two kidneys, they called me a hero.

But for some strange reason, when I donated three kidneys, they called the police.

A Jewish shop owner in a largely Christian town hears a knock on the door.

He opens, and sees representatives of the local church.

\- Excuse us, Mr. Shainski, - they say. - Our church is in a bad state now, so we decided to build a new one. Seeing as you are known as a very wealthy and generous person, could you spare anything?

Shainski thinks. On the one han...

The Charlie Brown Foundation is now accepting donations.

All proceeds go towards good grief counsellors.

Thanks to your donations, we've completely transformed this homeless man...

Into a homeless woman.

A red cross worker is cold calling people for donations

A Red Cross worker is cold calling people for donations and comes across a lawyer where records shows he makes $500k+ a year and hasn’t made a single charitable donation. So the Red Cross worker calls the lawyer and asks if he’d like to donate. The lawyer says “no “,thank you.” The Red Cross worker ...

Why don’t crabs donate?

Because they’re shellfish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can butt skin be donated for skin grafts?

Ass-skin for a friend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scottish blood

An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.

...

A charitable organization noticed that the richest man in town had never donated.

A representative of the organization called the man. "Our research shows that you make millions of dollars a year, and we were wondering if you'd like to donate some amount to help those in need."

The man responded, "Did your research show you that my mother is suffering from a chronic illne...

I donate to a charity called OnlyFans

Because those girls can't even afford clothes!

I tried to donate a kidney

But they kept asking where I got it

Stone.

Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.

As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper....

I've always hated donating blood.

They always ask way too many questions. Like, "Where did you get the blood" or "Whose blood is this". Like come on, I'm donating just be grateful.

Oh No! Not ELON!

Man is driving along the freeway when he is stopped by a huge traffic jam.

After sitting there for quite a long time, he sees another man walking from car-to-car.

The second man finally gets up to his car. He rolls down the window....

"Hey man, what's going on up ahead?"
...

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", ...

A charity was trying to convince the towns only millionaire in town to donate to them.

So they sent a worker to his mansion to try to convince him. When he asked the millionaire to donate, the millionaire became angry. "First," he said,"are you aware that my brother, a blind veteran who has four kids and a wife with terminal illness is being evicted in three days?" A little embarrass...

I was recently targeted by an organ donation scam

They tried to convince me that, for a small monthly fee, I could have priority access to organ donation from the recently deceased.

It was a dead giveaway.

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened.

He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.

*Thanks for my first gold kind stranger! But please consider donating to your local food bank or another worthy cause instead of rewarding this stupid joke that was (according to sources) reposted.

I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions.

I absolutely hate when they ask
“Where did you get it?”
“Why is it in a bucket?”

Blood Donation

I went to give blood the other day, what an awful experience. The nurses just wouldn't stop asking me questions, constantly.







"Who's blood is that?"



"Where did you get it?"



"Why is it in a bucket?"

Today I decided to donate blood...

After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said “ Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.

I donated $50,000 to a charity for mute children.

They didn't even say thank you.

Donating Sperm

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m planning on donating my organs when I die.

Microbiology students are going to have a fucking blast with my penis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can I donate a graft of tissue from my buttocks to another person I'm not related to?

Ass skin for a friend.

I donated my kidneys

So a week ago i donated 1 kidney to the hospital they were really grateful and i saved a mans life.
So yesterday i donated 4 kidneys to the hospital and now the police wont leave me alone.
Smh
Ungrateful people these days

Why wife gets mad because I donate so much money every week to help support single moms.

She says I'm just using it as an excuse to go to the strip club

I got banned from donating clothes to the local orphanage

Apparently they don't appreciate Batman costumes......

I donated a kidney last year

They still want to know where i got it from

Honey I want to donate my clothes

Wife: Thinking of donating my clothes which I am not using anymore

Husband: No point donating, you can trash those

Wife: there are lots of women who are hungry and depraved, they could use my clothes

Husband: honey, if your dress fits another woman do you think they would have e...

Saw a billboard today, urging me to DONATE

Who is Nate?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The blood you donated...

Is in someone else's boner.

Let that sink in.

Marie Kondo says to donate anything that doesn't spark joy,

but The Salvation Army says that amounts to human trafficking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed...

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