Dark Room Jokes - 47 Hilarious Dark Room Jokes

An octopus slinks into a dark room with a gun in each arm.

He hears a soft chuckle coming from the corner. “You’re one short, my friend,” says the cat as he steps into view.

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A prostitute walks into a church...

She asks one of the nuns where the priest is, and is shown to a dark room. She sits in the darkness until she hears the familiar voice of the priest ask,

"What troubles you, my child?"

The prostitute replies, "Sorry, Daddy, but I've been a naughty girl."

The priest sighs and sa...

What did the 3^2 say to the 2^3 in a dark room?

“I’m squared”

I’m so sorry

Two weeks ago I got a job in a photographers dark room.

After an initial negative review, today my boss told me my talent is developing.

I met my future wife in a dark room

Everything just developed from there

Did you hear about that photographer that got locked in his dark room?

By the time they found the body he'd died of exposure.

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A cucumber is talking to a penis

The cucumber says: My life is hard. When I get hard, they chop me up and eat me.

The penis says: That's nothing! When I get hard, they put a bag over my head, throw me in a dark room, and make me do pushups until I puke.

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A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

T...

What's the difference between going to the movies and sitting in a dark room not talking for two hours?

about 12 bucks

There's 2 statues in a dark room, what did one statue say to the other statue?

Is statue?

What is the difference between science, philosophy and religion?

Science is when you search for a black cat in a dark room.

Philosophy is when you search for a black cat in a dark room even though the room contains no cat.

Religion is when you search for a black cat in a dark room even though the room contains no cat – and then you ...

How do you cure loneliness?

Watch a horror movie by yourself in a dark room. The feeling will soon go away.

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A man is walking along the street when he sees a ladder...

...stretching well up into the clouds. Being the adventurous type, Harry begins to climb.

After a short while he stops at a cloud and sees a large, ugly looking woman lying there.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she said.

He decided that he was definitely not drunk...

The Pope and an atheist are having an argument

After a few hours the pope turns to the atheist and says "You are like a man who is blindfolded, in a dark room who is looking for a black cat that isn't there."
"Well" replies the atheist "we are not so dissimilar then. As you are also like a man who is blindfolded, in a dark room who is looking...

There are two wolves inside you.

You are in the dark room at a furry convention.

An Arabic joke I translated

So, there used to be a cruel man who would lock his children into a dark room in order to punish them. Fortunately for them, there was a hole in the wall they could barely escape through.

One day he's fed up of this and gets his wife and stands on her shoulders so he can reach the hole and se...

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How can I make it appear big?

Plz Bare my grammatical errors, first time posting here and it's translated from Hindi

Akbar: birbal I think I have small dick how can I make it appear big?

Birbal: my lord shave you pubic hair, it tends to appear big and girls like it more that way.

So Akbar shaves his ball...

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A cucumber , a pickle and a penis were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked.

The cucumber said : "Man my life sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad."

So the pickle looks at him and says: "You think you have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me and sticks me in a jar."
...

Three old guys are sitting around in the park.....

discussing whose memory goes back the farthest. Says Larry, “I remember being taken to the church, all dressed up in this scratchy white stuff, and having people standing around and someone splashing water on me.”

“Aww, that’s nothing,” says Irv. “I can remember this nice, dark room, and then...

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A man goes into a brothel one day...

He walks in and asks the madame "How much for 30 minutes with a woman?" The madame replies "$200." The man says "I don't have that kind of money, what can I do with $20?" The madame replies "You can do in that room and fuck a chicken."

The man is disgusted and leaves. Fuck a chicken? What...

The Pope and an Athiest discuss God

The Pope and an atheist decided to debate the existence of God. At first the debate was reasonable and reasoned, but after some time it became more and more heated; until finally the Pope snapped at the Atheist:

"How can you deny the existence of the Almighty when you can see the mystereies ...

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NSFW A cucumber a pickle and a penis are chatting

About how hard life is.

The cucumber says you both got it easy they chop me up and put me in salads.

The pickle pipes up and says no way, my life is way harder I was once big and strong like you cucumber, but I've been drowned in a jar of vinigar until I shrivel up and become this mo...

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cold lips

There once was a young apprentice shepard learning the ropes of his job at an old remote farm in the mountains. The old shepard took the young apprentice under his wing. "Looky here rook, you're going to be staying alone for the night at the farm. We've had problems with the wolves before, but if th...

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Parrot's bitchin to his owner about how he never gets laid

So the owner picks up the phone and calls a friend with a female parrot, asks how much the mating fee would be? Friend says fifty bucks and the owner says fine. So the owner brings the parrot to the friend's house and puts him in a dark room with the female parrot, goes to have a drink with his frie...

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A guy felt a bit lonely

So he goes to a brothel and tells the madame that he wants something 'out of the oridinary'.

Madame replies: We've a goat. Do you want the goat?

The guy says: No, something even more kinky.

Madame: We've an alien from the planet Mars.

Guy: No, even more kinky.

Mad...

There was a 6 year old boy named Little Johnny

Johnny loved baseball and always had his ball and glove with him, but today he is hiding in his parents closet. From his vantage point, he could see his mother rolling around on her bed with the strange man who came over when his dad went to work.

Suddenly, he heard the front door open and hi...

A police officer, was scheduled for all-night duty at the station...

... he was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom, and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said "Honey, would you go down to the all-nigh...

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sharing how hard their lives are

Cucumber: I got it worse, people chop me up and put me on salads!

Pickle: No I got it worse, people dice me up and put me on hot dogs!

Penis: You think that’s bad, I get a bag put over my head, shoved into a dark room and get beat up till I puke!

When I was younger I wanted to be a film developer

But then I realized I didn't want to sit in a dark room alone with a bunch of negative people

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My buddy picked up a girl

and she agreed to have sex with him, but he's always been ashamed of his small penis. So he takes the girl to a dark room, and puts his penis in her hand.
She says, "Oh, thanks, I don't smoke."

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A flash mob appears outside a police station, a man has killed 11 people!

A policeman hears a lot of noise coming from Infront of the station so he struts outside to check all the hastle. When he exits the door, an aggressive mob outside is screaming and shouting while pushing a person into the cops body.

"Alright, alright, what's going on here then?"

"Offic...

Job descriptions

Lawyer: who writes a 15,000 word document and calls it a "brief."

Accountant: who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Auditor: who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Banker: who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it ba...

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Fat Joe is having trouble losing weight and he hears about a new extreme workout.

He goes to the place and the man in charge leads him to a large circular room in which is a naked, beautiful woman with sign on her that reads "If you catch me, you can fuck me."

After many long tries, he eventually loses weight, catches her, and gets to enjoy a bit of the old in-out, in-out....

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Two Brothers are running a prostitution house...

Two brothers are running a prostitution house, but they are not making any money. After trying numerous ideas to increase profits, Vadim, the older brother, came up with a plan.

"Why don't we just put a blow up doll in the bed under the covers?"

Igor, his younger brother, replied "That...

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The pepper, the pickle, and the penis

Commiserating together at the bar are a pepper, a pickle, and a penis.

The pepper says, “Nobody understands the hell I’ve been through. When you’re a pepper, they take you in the prime of your life and throw you on a hot, tin roof to suffer in the sun until you’re a husk of your former self.”...

What's the difference between young girls and photographs?

After putting them in a dark room, you have to wait for the photograph to fully develop.

Computer games are said to be a bad influence on kids.

Nonsense - my generation grew up playing Pac-Man, but did we end up dashing around dark rooms and swallowing white dots while listening to electronic music?

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I went to the doctors office the other day.

When I was there I said to him:”Hey doc, whatsup! Nice small but dark room you got here!”

He started yelling at me:”Get the fuck out, I’m taking a shit!”

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A banana, a pickle, and a penis are sitting in a bar...

They are all bullshitting about their lives and how bad they each have it.

The banana pipes up and says "Man, my life really sucks. Ya know, when I get big, ripe, and juicy they take me, slice me up, and throw me on an ice cold ice cream sundae."

The pickle says "Ha! That's a laugh! I...

A twelve year old is watching ghostbusters 2 for the first time with his father.

Kid : Dad what's that?

Dad : A walkman

Kid : and that?

Dad : A dark room for devoloping photos.

Kid : and those?

Dad : The twin towers.

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Hitler and the Devil are bored in hell. [NSFW]

So the Satan and Hitler are chillin in hell. Hitler mentions "Damn dude im so bored what is there to do around here?"
Satan just says "I know exactly what to do!" and waves at Hitler to follow him.

They enter a dark room, when Satan sparks up the lights Hitler sees a huge furnace in the mi...

Two strips of film are talking in a bar

One says to the other "Why don't you and I go find a dark room and see what develops?"

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Night to remember

A man is super horny and goes to a brothel but it's new years eve and everyone is booked out. He eventually finds the manager and begs.The manager is firm it's new years there no one free desperate the man says he'll pay double. The manager thinks for a moment and says well there is someone but i wo...

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The cucumber, the pickle and the penis...

After a long, difficult day, a cucumber, a pickle and a penis are all sitting at a bar and talking about all the reasons life sucks. The cucumber goes first.
"I know I've got it the worst; when I get big and juicy, they slice me up and put me on a bed of leaves or drown me in water, it's terrible...

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Ladder to success

A guy is wandering through the woods on a trail he's been through many times before when he notices a ladder in the middle of the trail stretching up farther than he can see.

He's never seen this before so he says to himself "fuck it lets see where this goes"

He begins his acsent climb...

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A man walks into a brothel

And tells the women at the counter, " I'm looking for some pussy" the clerk is concerned and instead offers the man some chicken. $10 and you can have your way with the chicken. She says. The man looks at the chicken on the counter, after a moment of silence he agrees. She points him down the hall t...

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I a guy gets out of prison and heads to the local brothel, but only has two dollars to his name. Knowing it’s not much he goes in anyway.....

To his surprise the madam says, “We have something for every price.” She takes his two dollars and instructs him to go up the stairs to the second door on the right. He goes up, opens the door and finds a brightly lit room. As his eyes adjust he sees a chicken strutting around. He says to himself, “...

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