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Birthday Cards Jokes

I've only opened three birthday cards and I'm already £150 up!

God I love being a postman
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been buying birthday cards for everyone at our local Tourette's Society.

It's the thought that cunts.

I was really happy when I opened four birthday cards and found a total of $200 in them.

I love being a postman.
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As i handed my dad his 55th birthday card he started screaming...

Son, why did you buy me 55 birthday cards?!
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich man and a poor man both happen to be looking at birthday cards for their wives...

The rich man and poor man find out their wives share the same birthday.

The rich man proudly boasts what he got his wife for the special occasion.

"I got her a brand new Porsche **and** a diamond necklace. You see, if she doesn't like the car, I'll just give her the necklace! What di...

I need new jokes to write in people's birthday cards. The one I've been using for years is getting pretty stale:

"Happy Bird Day!" Then I draw a bird.

Thanks /r/jokes!
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A penguin goes into a pub...

At the bar the peanuts say:
"Nice tie Mr!"
In the toilets the condom machine says :
"You look stupid in that tie"
So he complains to the barman. The barman says :
"the peanuts are complimentary but the condom machine is out of order"

This was the best jo...
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I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.

We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. Sh...
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