Antique Shop Jokes - 20 Hilarious Antique Shop Jokes

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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

...

Guy Walks into an Antique Shop…

Guy Walks into an Antique Shop ….

and asks “what’s new?”

The world's foremost authority on wasps is walking down the street when he sees an old vinyl record in the window of an antique shop, "Wasp noises from around the world".

Intrigued, he goes into the shop and asks if he can listen to it. "Certainly," says the shop assistant and pops it onto an ancient turntable. After listening to the first track for a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is a bit confused.

"I don't recognise any of these noises, and ...

A man comes out of an antique shop with a priceless grandfather clock

As he is struggling to move the heavy object, a drunken man comes stumbling down the street. The drunken man bumps into the clock. The clock tips over, hits the ground, and breaks into pieces. The man who bought the clock says “Hey man! Why don’t you watch where the hell you’re walking!?” And the dr...

Antique shop owners in the middle east have one rule

Dubreak, Dubai.

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Antique shop

A blind man and his seeing-eye dog walk into antique shops.

Suddenly, the blind man grips tightly on the dog's leash and begins swinging him wildly over his head.

The shop owner yells out "What the fuck are you doing?!"

The blind man replies, "Just lookin' around".

A man goes into an antique shop

He sees a very attractive cabinet on sale for $1500, and he asks the owner why it's so expensive, wondering if it was by a famous cabinetmaker. But the owner says, "No, it's a magic cabinet!"

"How do you mean?" says the customer.

"Well, watch this," says the owner. "How many grandc...

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You guys hear about the antique shop owner who liked to have anonymous sex with menstruating women?

Nobody could tell which period his dick was from.

The Brass Rat

One day a guy was browsing in an antique shop. He didn't find anything he liked and was about to leave, when suddenly at the back of a shelf he spied a brass rat. It was fascinating, the detail was incredible, he couldn't take his eyes off it. He brought it up to the counter to ask how much it wa...

A tourist wandering through the back alleys of San Francisco’s Chinatown finds his way into an antique store

A bronze statue of a rat catches his eye, and he asks for its price.

“The rat costs twelve dollars,” the shopkeeper says, “and it will be a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”

The tourist, being a shrewd American, pays for the rat, telling the old man he can keep hi...

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Mirror Mirror

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door.

One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four."

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous propor...

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A CEO gathers his staff..

10 Male employees are present in the convention room. The CEO clears his throat and starts the meeting: *"Good afternoon gentlemen. As you know, I am leaving for my business meeting tomorrow and will be absent for 10 days."*

The employees are all nodding in agreement.

The CEO pauses ...

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A joke about Martin Luther King

Frank is on vacation in an oceanfront town, and lucks into a parking spot right near a pier. After taking in the view for a few minutes, he wanders into the small town and looks at the touristy shops. One antique shop catches his eye, so he walks in. Most of the stuff is pretty dusty and useless, bu...

Eric is looking for a new desk for his office...

...and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop.
"That desk is going for £2000," says the shopkeeper.
"£2000 for an old desk? That's outrageous!" exclaims Eric.
"Ah", says the shopkeeper, "but this is a magic desk." He turns to the desk and asks, "Desk, how much money do I have i...

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My first OC joke. (Long)

A man walks into an antique shop. He approaches the female cashier and
asks, “Is this your store?”

She nods her head, “My parents owned it for a few decades, I had since inherited it.”

The man then asks her, “Would you like to see a magic trick?”

The woman, barley amused, dec...

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An Old Hillbilly Goes to Town

There's an old hillbilly that's lived nearly his entire life so far up in Ozarks away from most modern society.

One day he decides to go into town for a change of pace. He's driving his old pickup truck down a main street and spots an antique shop with some nice looking furniture and other t...

The Genie

An old Jew, who owned an antique shop, was in the back room one day looking for pieces to put out front. As he worked, he picked up an old oil lamp, and began polishing it with his rag. As he worked, a giant Genie popped out and announced "You have released me from my prison! For this, I will gra...

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So a finance professional is traveling to Goldman Sachs to be interviewed for an internship, and he has lost his way...

He asks a man in passing, "Hey, do you know the way to Goldman Sachs from here?" The man nods and says, "Yes, just take the next left, travel one block, and it will be on your right." The first man thanks him and is on his way.

Sure enough, he comes to a magnificent building coated in gold p...

A most interesting fellow

A man is walking down the street and runs into a rather strange looking fellow. He's wearing a dark hood obscuring much of his face, so he goes to investigate. He soon realizes that the hooded figure had no face at all.

"Excuse me, sir," the man asked the hooded figure, "do you mind taking o...

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Voodoo Dick [Gets a bit raunchy]

Once, a rich man had to go on a business trip for a long weekend, leaving his young, beautiful wife home alone. Fearing she would seek company with another man while he was away, he got her a magical gift from a near by antique shop.

"What is this?" the young beauty asked.

"This is th...

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