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8pm Jokes

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A married man was having an affair with his Nympho secretary, and lost track of time.

Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demande...

Wembley Tickets- England v Scotland Friday 18th June 2021 Kick off 8pm

One of my best friends has two spare tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. They were £300 each but he didn't realise they are on the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.

If you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place!

It is at Manchester...

What do you call a knight who only attacks after 8pm?

A Knight of Nights

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Until this crisis is over im going to stick to masturbation just before 8pm on Thursday evenings

The neighbourhood applauding me as I finish is just the confident booster I need

Dear Belarusian President Lukashenko

my mother-in-law is taking the next Ryanair flight number 1268 from Paris to Moscow and will be flying over your territory at around 8pm. I distinctly heard her criticising your regime this Sunday at the dinner table. You are welcome.


Ps: not my joke, translated from french

Told this joke every summer as a camp counselor; never failed

This cheerio works 9-5 at a factory doing the same mundane task every day of every year. One day, this smoking hot frosted cheerio walks in and the normal cheerio falls for her instantly. He walks up to her and says:

“Hey, want to grab something to eat later?” And she says:

“Actually,...

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The best blow job ever!

Henry and his drinking buddy are sitting at the bar one day, having a few brews, when Henry's buddy declares " I've had the best blow job ever, from the most amazing prostitute I've been graced to know!". Henry, who is amused by the statement, asked "what made it so special!?" To which his buddy rep...

Police in Belfast have now been given permission to shoot people who break the curfew.

Paddy and Mick, have been put at the top of Belfast City Hall and are ordered to shoot anyone after the 8pm curfew.

The first night they are looking out at 7.45pm and Mick takes his gun and shoots a man.

"What are you doing Mick" said Paddy, "It's only a quarter to eight!"

"That...

What time did the Monster eat the prime minister?

8PM

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The nun and the bus driver

So one day a man gets on a bus and runs into the most beautiful nun he’s ever met. He asked the nun to come back to his house, the nun replies with no and gets off the bus. The man goes up to the bus driver and asks him “how can I get with the nun?” The bus driver replies, “every day at 8pm the nun ...

5 Minutes !

The police just knocked on my door and asked “Where were you around 8.05pm last night sir?"

"Funny you should ask," I replied. "I took the wife upstairs at 8pm to make love."

"Yes officer, that's true," my wife shouted over, "But god knows where he was at five past."

I let my blonde friend borrow my car for a week

I called her up and said, "I'll be home at 2pm, come over, have some lunch, and drop my car off."

"Sure!" She said. "See you then."

2pm passes... 4pm passes... 8pm passes.

I call her up and say, "Where the hell are you?!"

"I drove by twice and didn't see your car in the ...

A man and his wife get into a fight and decide to give each other the silent treatment.

The husband turns out to be a deep sleeper and often relies on his wife to wake him up in time for work.

He realizes he needs her to help wake up, but is unwilling to reconcile differences.
At 8pm, he writes a note saying "Honey, please wake me up at 7 am, I need to get up early for work t...

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So I decided to order a hooker.

I browsed through Craigslist and found the perfect one. An African American BBW named Ebony.

She arrived at my house just after 8pm, I invited her in.

"Where do you want me, Sugar?" She asked.

"Ok, please get undressed, sit over there on the carpet in the corner, and open your l...

Emergency landing . . .

At 8PM one night, a pilot who had run out of fuel made an emergency landing at a top-secret government base. He was quickly surrounded by security and taken inside to be interrogated. The interrogation was grueling because the interrogators wanted to make sure it was an unplanned landing and that th...

Champ, the much-loved pub mascot.

Ted was the landlord of the Nag's Head pub. Every night, the same guys would turn up, have a few pints of beer, share a conversation and the occasional game of darts or dominoes. At 8pm every night, Ted would receive a visit from one of his other regulars - Champ, a stray dog who always came for a b...

The simple rules of dating

A farmer, Bill, finds out that his three daughters all have dates on the same night. Being protective, as a father is of his girls, he does the respectable thing, and walks to the door each time with his shotgun. At 7pm, the doorbell rings. Bill answers the door and asks the boy there what he wants....

A man with no arms is in need of a job...

He lacks experience in the service industry but his missing arms severely limit his ability to perform manual labour. Everyday he goes out looking for work and everyday he comes back dejected.

One morning—while flipping through the classifieds with his toes—he comes across the following ad,...

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