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5am Jokes

I GOT up at 5am,

ran 8km, came back and prepared a vegetable smoothie for breakfast.

I don’t remember the rest of the dream..

Dialed my friend at 5am to ask about the election.

He said it was too early to call.

I texted my mom at 5am telling her trump won, she asked why I was up so early.

I told her "I don't know. Maybe the sound of my health insurance flying away woke me up."

After years of lobbying, a town finally got train service.

A county official noticed an increase in the town’s birth rate and went to investigate. After interviewing a few people he discovered that the explanation is noise from the 5AM express train: At that time it’s too early to get up and too late to go back to sleep…

My kids asked me what it's like to be a mother.

So i woke them up at 5am to tell them my sock fell off.

Locked out of the house.

I stepped out to feed the cat at 5am while everyone was still fast asleep. The door shut and locked me outside. I tried calling the wife multiple times with no answer. I tried taping on her window, banging on her window, tapping on my sons window, banging on his window, and lastly the doorbell. This...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vacuum salesman knocked on my door this morning

When I opened my door, before I could even talk to him, he dumped a bucket of dog on my carpet

He then said “if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t clean your carpet within 2 minutes, I will personally eat whatever’s left of the

To which I replied “well you better be hungry because m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Commando was sent on a mission in occupied country

General gives him the details. ‘You will arrive at the spot at 5am, there will be a plane waiting for you. When you will be in the air, open the sealed letter with the details of the mission, it will be in the plane, along with the parachute. Once you will be above the drop zone, jump off the plane ...

A 14 y/o girl decides to try drugs.

So she created a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. She didn't have any cool friends with real drugs so she tried to smoke oregano, but found it hurt her throat. Next she tried black pepper in the bong but it made her sneeze. She experimented with ground Ginger but the smoke made her eyes...

A husband and wife will only write notes to each other

A husband and wife are in a bad relationship and they agree that the only way they can talk to each other is through notes. So one night the husband writes a note asking his wife to wake him up at 5am for his business meeting. The following morning he rolls over and sees the time is 8am. He jumps ou...
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