UPJOKE

Why Did The Jokes

My Daughter: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Me: "I dunno"

"To get to the idiots house"
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"Knock knock"

Me: "Who's there?"

"It's the chicken...."



She's 8...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

I don’t know if anyone else has had this experience, but I was today years old when I realized that this joke is actually a fairly clever double entendre. I always thought it was a dumb “of course” punchline and it never remotely occurred to me that it had to do wit...

Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings on the other side.

Why did the slave go to college?

To pick up his master's degree.

Why did the mermaid wear seashells?

Because she grew out of b shells

Why did the Fox News Christmas tree catch fire?

They left it too close to the gaslight.

Why did the non-binary prospector move West in 1849?

Because there was gold up in them/their hills.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

Why did the boomer cross the street?

To show how it's done.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the semen cross the road?

I wore the wrong socks this morning



*Edit: Not my joke but haven't seen it here and thought it was funny :)*

Why did the Mexican take a Xanax?

For hispanic attacks

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.

Feel free to downvote me to reddit hell...

Why did the conjoined twins move to England?

So the other one could drive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the US take the "u" out of words like "colour" and "honour"?

Because, fuck you, that's why

Why did the crab cross the road?

It didnt, it used the sidewalk

( This joke was made up by my eight year old son. ) Why did the letters lose the battle against the numbers?

They were outnumbered.

Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field?

The pot was calling the cattle back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the condom fly across the room?

'cause it was pissed off.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

My 9 year old daughter made up this joke. "Why did the bull get fat?"

Because he ate too many cowleries.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Why did the photo go to jail?

Indecent exposure

Why did the Jedi kill his master?

To get to the other side.

Why did the girl not want to date the communist?

He was waving a lot of red flags.

Why did the chicken attend a seance?

To get to the other side.

My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?

Because he took a leek!

(Please don’t kick us out, just lettuce leave)

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

Because it had a bad driver!

*drops mic*

Why did the bald guy get tattoos of rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance they look like hares

Why did the Grim Reaper schedule an appointment with his eye doctor?

He was having issues with his death perception.

Why did the hipster drown?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup?

One more would have made it two farty.

Why did the Storm Trooper decide to buy an Iphone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

Why did the dog cross the road, roll in the dirt, and cross the road again?

Because he’s a dirty, double-crossing son of a b*tch.

*edit* And a such GOOD one, yes he IS!

Why did the African 3 year old cry?

He was having a mid life crisis

Why did the blind woman fall down the well?

Because she couldn't see that well.

Why did the musician's wife file for a divorce?

She was sick of the domestic violins.

Why did the French person commit suicide when they couldn't find their olive oil?

Because they had lost the *huile d'olive*

Why did the rabbit suspect his wife was cheating on him?

He kept finding different hares in his bed.

Why did the Libertarian cross the road?

None of your damn business. Am I being detained?

Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver?

He wanted to have a manta-man talk

(I'm so sorry)

Why did the egg hide?

It was a little chicken.

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To build up it's pecs.

(apologies in advance. I made this up).

Why did the kid eat his homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours?

A: Because it said 'concentrate'

Why did the military use acid?

To neutralize the enemy base!

Why did the pig cross the road?

Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op

Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?

Too many frames.

Why did the dominatrix go to the chiropractor?

She had a kink in her neck

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ok.. Hear me out

So the perceived 'Road' in this case is actually the trick by the government to sell more adapters to construction company. This is because the secret lizard people of the UNDERGROUND are controlling the chickens neurons and each brain cell is secretly in on the plot. Y...

Why did the blonde snort sweet n' low?

She thought it was diet coke.

Why did the house go to the doctors?

It had window pains.

Why did the cop arrest the lonely crow?

He had him on probable caws for an attempted murder.

Why did the scarecrow win employee of the month?

He was outstanding in his field

Why did the cows stop smoking weed

Because it got to the point where the steaks were too high !

Why did the Blonde feel so proud of herself for finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

It said 2-4 years on the box.

Why did the police officer arrest the skeleton?

They could see the joint in his hand.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he drank his tea before it was cool.

Why did the monkey win the reading contest?

He had the best tail!

(My 7yo daughter came up with this one at breakfast by herself, her first full joke! Didn''t see it in a Google search, figured I'd drop it here for fun. We're now discussing ways to improve it... maybe it would be a writing contest or storytelling contest?)

Why did the child cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt.

Why did the Dog not answer the phone?

Because of no collar ID

Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck?

Because he was a neck-romancer....

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

Why did the wizard get canceled?

Abuse of staff

Why did the pilot blush?

Because he saw the airstrip

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the stoner put laxatives in the weedbrownies?

For shits and giggles.

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

Because he wanted to get to the .... er ... ... never mind.

Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant?

Because he got cold feet.

Why did the ghost ride in the elevator?

To lift his spirits.

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

Why did the cross dressing pilots career never take off?

Too much drag

Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?

Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?

Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job?

Because she couldn't control her pupils.

Why did the fish blush?

Because it saw the ocean's bottom!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the semen cross the road?

Because you wore the wrong sock today.

While I'm up here on the moral highground, let me tell you about poor little Ukurugenzi.

Ukurugenzi is an 8-year old Kenyan orphan who walks 11 miles to his mud-hut school every day. With your donation of just 25 cents a day, we can buy a whip and...

Why did the match factory burn down?

Because the workers went on strike


I just thought of this, not sure whether its an original joke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the verbose chicken cross the road?

To transform into reality his long-anticipated dream of embarking on a risky voyage of strenuous bodily effort so that he can undergo physical displacement in three-dimensional space from one vantage point on the lengthy stretch of black asphalt to another one symmetrically adjacent to the first.

Why did the cannibal eat only people in a coma?

He was a vegetarian.

Why did the archaeopterix get the worm?

Because it was an early bird.

Why did the math book look sad?

Because it had too many problems!

Why did the scared cow say "Moo?"

Because it's a cow word.

----

I thought of this today, did I make a new joke?

Why did the Italian chef get an award?

Because he pasta test!

Why did the blonde buy a ruler?

She wanted to know how long her other ruler was.

Why did the shark refuse to eat a lawyer?

Professional courtesy.

Why did the horse want to study genetics

Because he liked DN-neigh

Why did the cow join Anonymous?

She wanted to be legiondairy.

Why did the toilet have to contact HR?

Because it was forced to relive multiple employees of their duties

Why did the tiny soccer player take a shower?

He was a little Messi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the mods of r/iamatotalpieceofshit cross the road?

To collect money from Joel Michael Singer.

Why did the snowman take his pants off?

He heard the snow blower was coming.

Why did the ghost become a bartender?

Because he had a lot of boos.

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

It was soda pressing.

Why did the tomato turn red...?

It saw the salad dressing

Why did the guy hate his job at the can crushing factory?

It was soda pressing.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

Why did the police officer get suspended?

Beats me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Nazi chicken cross the road?

He was following orders.

(stolen from Troy Bond)

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