UPJOKE

What Do You Get If Jokes

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat. You get fat.



You were expecting a joke about pi? On my cake day?

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

You get kicked out of sea world…

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin π

Sorry.

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

Banned from the zoo.

What do you get if you boil funnybones?

A laughing stock.

What do you get if you mash 6.02 * 10^23 avocados?

Guacamole...

What do you get if you tell the same joke every day for a month?

About 3K karma and a ban from r/jokes.

What do you get if you cross a river with tap shoes? Riverdance. What do you get if you cross a river with crocs?

Eaten.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor

What do you get if you cross an angry cow with and angry sheep?

An animal that is in a seriously baaaaaaaaa-d moooooooo-d

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] What do you get if you get a boner at a funeral?

Mourning wood

What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?

A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if someone cums in your eye?

A stigmajism.

Or (thanks to WasteChard3488):

A jizmatism.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?

'ell if I know.

What do you get if you loose one of your fingers?

# What do you get if you lose one of your fingers?



10% Discount for a Manicure.

What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you get if you cross an owl with a rooster

A cock that stays up all night

What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant?

Tolerance

What do you get if you glue sequins to your life jacket?

>!Flamboyancy!<

A joke I rewrote to make it timely... What do you get if you cross a Russian dictator and a Russian oligarch?

Killed. You get killed.

What do you get if a dinosaur kicks you in the backside?

Megasoreass

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a horse

One hell of a drum stick

What do you get if you don't pay your exorcist?

Repossessed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you jizz in a bat?

A ba*semen*t

What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer?

Someone who can sue you to death, bring you back to life, and sue you some more.

What do you get if you cross Prince Andrew with a pig.

A pig that doesn't sweat.

What do you get if you paint a pink pig mint-green?

A pigmint of your imagination.

What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and The Queen?

Killed in a tunnel

What do you get if you spell MAN backwards?

Flashbacks.

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About half way

(DnD, Spoken) What do you get if a couple of monks in a row, all hold their attack action?

A delayed punchline



Works better if you say it and then just wait a minute before saying the answer, just wanted to share it here, feel free to give thougths on improvements.

What do you get if you cross a busy road with a careless walk?

run over..

what do you get if the duck comes late?

A sore head

What do you get if you cross an Aussie PM with a casual swim in the ocean?

A public swimming pool and a new Prime Minister.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you dip your balls in ice cream?

Brain freeze.

What do you get if you trip over a Pokemon?

A bulbous sore

What do you get if you rub an eggplant?

A little aubergenie

What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale?

Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.

What do you get if you point a gun at a writer ?

A sentence.

what do you get if you nut and fart at the same time?

banned from the supermarket

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

What do you get if you cross a stereo and a fridge?

Very cool music.

What do you get if you cross Godzilla with a kangaroo

Big holes all over Australia

What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist?

A marine biologist.

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

A sternly worded letter from the ethics committee and your funding revoked.

What do you get if you jab your eye with a sharpie?

A black eye

What do you get if you crossbreed a dinosaur with a lemon?

A dinosour

What do you get if you cross Titanic with Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you plant a field full of dildos?

Squatters!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you finger a pastor?

a Holy Shit.

What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

You can't cross a scalar with a vector!

What do you get if you turn a blonde upside down?

A smelly brunette.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you mix Donald trump and a jew

Orange juice

What do you get if you finger a gypsy on her period.

Your palms red for free.

What do you get if a lion mates with a tiger?

Sacked from your job at the zoo.

What do you get if you apply enough heat and pressure to Pringles?

Fission chips

What do you get if you cross a dog with a vegetable?

A Broc-collie!

What do you get if you cross 27 knives and a pizza?

Little ceaser’s.

What do you get if Woolworths burns down?

Coles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you put a pokemon in your vagina?

A sore vulva. Vulva-sore

What do you get if you mix a horse with a cat?

A very strange-tasting smoothie, and a traumatizing experience for everyone involved.

What do you get if you shred a PlayStation 5's retail packaging?

An ex-box.

What do you get if you cross the king of Wakanda with a traditional Jewish baked good?

T’challah bread

Courtesy of the Christmas cracker I just pulled: What do you get if you cross a fish and two elephants?

Swimming Trunks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with a Hell’s Angel?

You get someone that comes to your house and knocks on your door and tells *YOU* to fuck off!

What do you get if you build a carousel inside a haunted house?

A scary go round.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a bunch porn addicts and living disappointments?

The reddit community.

What do you get if you clone the vice president half a dozen times?

Sixpence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a donkey with and onion?

Well 99 times out of hundred you get an onion with grey floppy ears, but that 100th time-- when the moon is full and the tides are just right-- you get a perfect piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

What do you get if you put a German in a walk in freezer?

Cold Hans

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if a donkey falls off a road?

Ass-phalt

What do you get if you cross r/im14andthisisdeep and r/FakeFacts

r/showerthoughts

What do you get if you mix Ex-Lax with holy water?

A religious movement.

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ?

You get killed and eaten

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you make a weed brownie in the shape of your mother’s vagina?

An Edible Oedipal Edible

What do you get if you enlarge a centipede to 100x its normal size?

A dollarpede.

What do you get if you download Microsoft word multiple times

Microsoft Sentence

What do you get if you get stung by a group of stingrays?

A fever

Q: What do you get if you mix ducks with fireworks?





**A : Firequackers.**

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