UPJOKE

What Do You Get If You Cross Jokes

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you get if you cross an owl with a rooster

A cock that stays up all night

What do you get if you cross a river with tap shoes? Riverdance. What do you get if you cross a river with crocs?

Eaten.

What do you get if you cross an angry cow with and angry sheep?

An animal that is in a seriously baaaaaaaaa-d moooooooo-d

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?

'ell if I know.

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

A joke I rewrote to make it timely... What do you get if you cross a Russian dictator and a Russian oligarch?

Killed. You get killed.

What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer?

Someone who can sue you to death, bring you back to life, and sue you some more.

What do you get if you cross Prince Andrew with a pig.

A pig that doesn't sweat.

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About half way

What do you get if you cross an Aussie PM with a casual swim in the ocean?

A public swimming pool and a new Prime Minister.

What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale?

Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.

What do you get if you cross a stereo and a fridge?

Very cool music.

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

A sternly worded letter from the ethics committee and your funding revoked.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a vegetable?

A Broc-collie!

What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and The Queen?

Killed in a tunnel

What do you get if you cross Godzilla with a kangaroo

Big holes all over Australia

What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist?

A marine biologist.

What do you get if you cross Titanic with Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people

What do you get if you cross 27 knives and a pizza?

Little ceaser’s.

What do you get if you cross a human and a centaur?

A Quarter Horse.

What do you get if you cross the king of Wakanda with a traditional Jewish baked good?

T’challah bread

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a bunch porn addicts and living disappointments?

The reddit community.

What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

You can't cross a scalar with a vector!

Courtesy of the Christmas cracker I just pulled: What do you get if you cross a fish and two elephants?

Swimming Trunks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with a Hell’s Angel?

You get someone that comes to your house and knocks on your door and tells *YOU* to fuck off!

What do you get if you cross a sea monster and a duck?

A quacken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a donkey with and onion?

Well 99 times out of hundred you get an onion with grey floppy ears, but that 100th time-- when the moon is full and the tides are just right-- you get a perfect piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

What do you get if you cross two kerbs, two lanes and a white line?

"I don't know", said the chicken, "but I'll find out."

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ?

You get killed and eaten

What do you get if you cross r/im14andthisisdeep and r/FakeFacts

r/showerthoughts

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a giraffe?

A really long pecker.

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?

A crab apple !

what do you get if you cross a poodle with a pit bull?

not much of a watchdog, but it’s a vicious gossip.

What do you get if you cross a mafioso with a supermodel?

Shot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a canine with a wildlife facility?

A Shit Zoo.

What do you get if you cross a bridge with a bicycle?

You get across the bridge faster than if you'd walked.

What do you get if you cross a road with a railway?

A railway crossing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a labrador?

A dog that scares the crap out of you then runs off with the toilet paper.

What do you get if you cross Snoop Dogg with a hippo?

A smokesalottapotamus

What do you get if you cross Groot with the rapper Fifty Cent?

About tree-fiddy

What do you get if you cross a cat with an octopus?

Arrested under the Animal Scientific Procedures Act 1986.

[Joke I wrote for a scientists do standup event]

What do you get if you cross an owl with a skunk?

A bird that smells, but doesn't give a hoot!

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A wooly jumper (I'll see myself out)

What do you get if you cross a mob boss, a gang leader, and a drug dealer?

Killed

Nerd Joke: What do you get if you cross a robot with a pirate?

Aaaarrrrr2D2

What do you get if you cross a four-lane highway and a narrow footpath?

Closer to wherever you were going.

What do you get if you cross human and goat DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo

What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a balloon?

*Pop*

What do you get if you cross Bambi and a ghost?

Bamboo

What do you get if you cross a parrot and a centipede?

A walkie-talkie

What do you get if you cross a Boxer and a Painter?

Mohammed Dali

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a rooster with peanut butter?

A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

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