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Train Driver Jokes

My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"

I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

A man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder

So, he’s on death row and the executioner approaches him.

“What would you like for your last meal?”

“I would like a banana please.”

The executioner thinks it’s weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric c...

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A train driver drove the train off the railroad

This caused serious damage to the train and injuring everyone on board.

He was called in to see his supervisors.

Supervisor : what the fuck made you do it?!

Train driver : I had to.. there was a cow on the railroad..

Supervisor : were you even thinking?! you should have r...

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Brakes

A Boy was having sex with a girl on a Railway track.

The train driver spots them and starts hooting but they ignore it.

He applies brakes hard and the train stops just a few yards away from the couple. The train driver jumps and walks to the boy who had just finished and was standing ...

A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel

An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel

A REALIST sees a freight train

The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks

There was once a train driver

who loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this inci...

The train driver.

Once upon a time there was a guy that was very passionate about trains ever since he was a little kid.

So no one was surprised that once he grew up he became a train conductor.

However as much as he loved trains he was really terrible at driving them.

Sadly, one day he caused a ...

Who is the most famous German train driver?

Michael Choomacher.

Why did the Mexican train driver kill all of his passengers?

I'm not sure, but he must have had a loco motive.

The bad train driver

A train driver got bored during his work so decided to see how fast his train went, it went so fast the track broke and he killed someone. He got sent to court and given the death penalty by electric chair. For his final meal he chose to have a banana. He sat in the chair and the switch was flipped ...

There was an old Bolivian train driver...

who had been driving trains for nearly 25 years, maintaining a perfect record. One day, he is running a little behind and will be late to his next stop if he doesn't hurry. He calls into the train station and asks to speed up the train so he can make it in time. They tell him that he's hauling too m...

Why did the Spanish train driver crash into an insane asylum?

Nobody is sure, but the doctors said they saw a loco motive

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The train driver

A train was taking its usual route along a countryside track when it suddenly derailed itself and sped across a field before being driven back up onto its tracks. The train was stopped at the next station and the driver was questioned about his motives.

​

He explained that he had seen ...

I heard a story once about an American train driver.

He was operating a late night train and feel asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognize a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given th...

Did you know about the crazy train driver?

I hear he has tons of loco-motives.


I guess he is known to go off the rails.

Bob moved to Australia and started working as a train driver.

So he worked as a train driver. One day, he crashed the train and all the passengers died, so he was sentenced to death. On his last meal, Bob asked the guards for a banana. However when he was put onto the electric chair, the chair didn't work, so he got released.

So Bob was released, and co...

My boss said "You are the worst train driver I have seen. Late again by more than hour"

I told him there was a guy that jumped on the track so I had to apply the emergency brakes. Boss tells me that this is dangerous to the passengers so next time just run over him.

The next day I am late again. He is furious and I explain that one more guy jumped on the tracks.

"I TOLD Y...

I've always wanted to be a train driver.

It seems pretty straightforward.

How does a train driver operate a train while eating gum?

He goes chew chew chew...


creds to my 5yo brother

Why do electricians like talented train drivers?

Because they’re good conductors

A train driver accidentally kills a man when he drives off the tracks

Since he killed a person, the court sentences him to death by electrocution chair. For his last meal, he requests a single banana. The prison guard thought it was odd, but gave him the banana, and the man ate it. The next day, the man is strapped onto the electrocution chair and the executioner swit...

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver?

Ask them to pronounce "unionised".

What did the train driver say when he decided to get over his drug addiction?

I need to get my life back on track

Why cant train drivers be sentenced to the electric chair?

Because they're bad conductors.

Trains

HE LOVED DRIVING TRAINS

In fact, it was his passion. Ever since he was a little boy, his dream was to drive trains. Soon after high school, he got an apprenticeship, and a little while later he got his train-driving liscence and started his career. Oh, the joy! He was having the best time of ...

There once was a train

As it went around a slope, it came off the tracks and slid into a field.

The passengers stepped out unharmed and confronted the train driver.

They asked him what happened and he replied,

"Nothing. All happened according to plan."

The passengers were now furious, and one s...

If one train is leaving London at 145 km/h and another train leaves Paris at 210 km/h one hour later, when do they meet?

Never. Train drivers in France are always on strike.

So close

I was driving home yesterday when I came up to one of those half barrier level crossings. The red lights were flashing and the barriers were on their way down so I pulled up sharply. Suddenly this truck covered in Trump and confederate flags comes up behind me, but rather than stop, they pulled out...

...How did you do it?

There was once a train operator who had been driving trains for well over 20 years. Over the course of his career, he had experienced a number of close calls in the accident department. At long last, sadly, he hit a schoolbus full of children on its way out of the elementary school parking lot, kill...

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My favorite joke! It was a huge hit with my friends in germany, so i'm very exited to see what you think. I translated everything from german to english, so feel free to correct any mistake in the comments.

Being very annoyed by his female boss and co-workers, a guy tells his friend he dreams of a job where women are not allowed.



His friend thinks about it then says:

“I think you have two options, either you work as train driver or you work as a pilot, if you decide to work as tra...

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Buttermilk pancakes and an orange Popsicle

There once was a man who loved trains more than anything else in the world. Ever since he was a boy, he would play with his toy trains and dream of driving trains for a real train company.



So, when he turned 18, he packed his bags and waved goodbye to his family. He headed out the doo...

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James from Bulgaria lived trains.

James from Bulgaria loved trains since he was a boy. He particularly loved how fast they could go. As a child he enjoyed playing with model trains and even owned an old conductors hat that he wore everywhere.

When he grew up he worked very hard and eventually became a train driver. And he lo...

India

A young train driver was on his first professional train journey. He had topped his batch and was well versed with all his training so he was confident.

On his first run, there was an accident and the train was derailed. It was gushing through the fields when the passengers quickly pulled the...

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Heard on the Underground

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...
1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cro...

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Two men are sat waiting for a bus in Wales.

The older one turns to the younger one and says "Do you see those old mines down there in the valley? Twenty years I spent down there, man and boy, quarrying the coal out of the rock. Without me none of the houses up there would have had coal for the winter. And do they call me Dewey the Coal Miner?...

Two old men were waiting for their steam train which was running late.

"I know this train driver, his name is Bob. First time he's ever been late," one says.

"All train drivers are late some days," replies the other.

"No, not Bob, ever. He may never speak to anyone, or even look them in the eye, but he gets on that train and burns his secret ingredient an...

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