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Suprised Jokes

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Two monks are taking a shower together.

Suddenly one of the monks notices that they forgot the soap. So he leaves the shower and runs to his room completely naked to grab some soap.

Once he's got the soap and is walking back he hears three nuns approaching.

Terrified that they might recognize him he freezes and pretends to b...

Suprised that Epstine commited suicide?

So was he!

My parents had me late in life so I never met any of my grandparents. No body was suprised about this

It was a four gone conclusion

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Farmer Dave

Farmer Dave went to see his neighbor Dan one day and when he pulled up he was was suprised to not see Dan out in the field working.

So he looked around a bit and found Dan in the barn with some Rr&B playing and a candlelit dinner set out by the John Deere.

Dave asked what was going...

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Woman cheats on her husband

A woman is cheating on her husband and her husband comes home early. In a panic her lover hides in the closet. While hiding in the closet he hears a voice "Sure is dark in here."

The man panics and turns and finds a little boy. "What're you doing in here?"

"I like hiding, what were you...

Trump walks into a bar and Is suprised to see the bartender is a genie

The genie says "what'll you have?" Trump says"give me something I'll regret in the morning" The genie gives him a conscience, empathy, and humility.

When people ask me where I got my well drawn tattoo, their always suprised when I say i got it in Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

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I women was cheating on her husband , look how he discovered .

A husband was sitting in a public place with his friend whose name was Jack , they were chatting and a girl came to Jack and start kissing him and telling him that she messed him and such kind of these stuff and it goes like that with almost every girl that walked by .
The husband was suprised " ...

The kids were really suprised when I put ginger in their curry...

...they really *did* love that cat.

> Stolen from a recent episode of *Match Of The Day*

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Dad, how many types of boobs are there?

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, suprised, answers "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice and hang...

2 blondes walk into a bar

Im still suprised neither one of them saw it

I told my sister she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high

she looked suprised

I went to the movies and there was a man who brought his dog into the theater with him.

After the movie, I went up to the man and I said "Hey this might sound weird, but it seemed like your dog was really enjoying the movie." The man said "Yeah, I'm suprised too, because he *hated* the book!"

A joke from Taiwan slightly adapted to suit the world better

At a high school reunion, a group of people were having a chat, looking back on their childhood.

One of the guys said: "I used to look really pretty and my mom always took care of my looks, so everyone thought I was a girl."

Another replied: "That definitely caused a lot of troubles!"<...

Me: The kids haven't eaten their sandwiches. Wife: Ok just throw them out.

Me *helping the kids pack a suitcase : Look I'm as suprised as you are

My friend Jack …

… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.


“Oh my god!” he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, “What happened last night?!”


Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to ...

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A guy gets on a bus and sees a really hot nun.

A guy gets on a bus and sees a really hot nun. He approaches her and dishes out a few pick up lines trying to score with her. The nun is shocked and appalled and gets off the bus immediatly.

The bus driver saw the whole spectacle and calls the guy over to him. He says "I know that nun. I see...

Turns out I am adopted!

suprised my dads never told me

I work at a barber shop and i recently started giving free eyebrow trims to anyone that got a haircut,

Everyone look suprised.

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A family are driving behind a garbage truck...

when a dildo falls off the back and hits the windscreen.
To protect their innocence the mother turns around and says "Dont worry that was just a bug struggling to fly". Suprised the son says
"No wonder it couldn't fly with a cock as big as that!"

An accountant opens up their spreadsheet, only to find all the numbers missing. Their cat is sitting by the desk, looking smug.

I dont know why they're so suprised, cats are good at knocking things off tables.

Mental hospital

The doctor is having a test on his patients to see if they are already fit to go back on their normal lives.

So the doctor drew an imaginary door using crayons on a big wall to see if the patients can distinguish a real door or not.

Then the doctor said "Who wants to go outside?" point...

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so a duck walks into a bar...

so a duck walks into a bar at 11am aand sits down. The bar keep comes over and says "what will it be? the duck replies " I will have a double whiskey on the rocks" the bar keep is suprised and asks "what's your name and what have you been up to all day? the duck replies "my name is huey, and I have ...

The hedgehog

2 toothpicks are standing near a country lane, chatting with each other.
After a few minutes a hedgehog crosses the street.
Both toothpicks were very suprised: « Wow, I am amazed that there are still busses driving here! »

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer...

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "I would like to ask a few questions", said the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "But I have to charge you $200 to answer 2 questions" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" said the suprised client. "Yes it certainly is", said the lawyer...

A man in Terhan finished a marathon.

A fellow entered the state marathon, in Terhran. The runner suprised everyone by finishing in record time. With great curiosity, the judges and government asked how he could possibly finish in such a speedy time. The man, humbly, responds with...

'Iran.'

An elderly couple had travelled to Jerusalem.

During their travel to Jerusalem, the wife had suddenly died of heart attack.

The doctor told the husband, "It will cost roughly $100,000 for you to bring your wife back to your own country and hold a funeral there or $100 dollars to hold a funeral here in Jerusalem. Which one do you chose?"<...

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Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un are out to brunch in a small town...

A suprised waiter finds them and says "Gee goly, what an honor to meet you." He looks about like a nervous rodent and asks "what are you guys doing here of all places?"
Trump says "We're gonna start WWIII. We're gonna kill a lot of innocent civilians and we're gonna kill a blonde with big tits....

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A man was into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke.
The bartender puts an apple down infront of him "Here you go mate."
The man looks confused "I asked for rum and coke, not fruit."
The bartender smiles slightly and simply says "Just try it, you might be suprised."
So the man takes a bite ...

Expecting Wife

Just as Dave was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, "I hear someone breaking in."

At least two nights a week for twenty years Dave had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So, he went out for a routine check.

Whe...

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In hard times, a young woman becomes a prostitute...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

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A guy was extremely unfortunate

He was so unfortunate that he even have only one ball.

One day he gets on a plane. 15 min into the flight the plane starts quaking. The crew says "Unfortunately we are too crowded for this plane, someone needs to jump out for the greater good."

So they decides to draw lots. As he e...

A young bear cub was roaming the jungle . An animal he had never seen before comes strolling out of the trees.

He asks " excuse me what kind of animal are you?"

The animal replys
" well, I am a tiger"

The bear acts suprised and says " are you sure? You don't look like a tiger."

The tiger says " Do you think I'm a lyin?"

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Warning: no pun alert, I repeat: not a pun

A man from Serbia was working in Germany for about ten years now and he was getting nostalgic for his home country so he went to the boss and said to him: " Boss, I have been woking hard all of these years and I would like to have a 2 week vacation to return to Serbia". Boss approved his wish so he ...

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