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Sigmund Jokes

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What did Sigmund Freud believe came between fear and sex?

Funf.

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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

Sigmund Freud was an Olympic Gold Medalist

He took home the medal for Mental Gymnastics.

How many Sigmund Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Your mother.

What did Sigmund Freud say to his high school bully?

"Yo mama so ugly, even your own subconscious don't like her"

What? Another Sigmund Freud joke?

Here Ego again...

How many Sigmund Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mothe… errr I mean the lightbulb.

Sigmund knows he's done working

when his brain's freud

What do Sigmund Freud and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both explored the unconscious.

A lot of people think Sigmund Frued is a hack.

And yes, some of his theories were proven wrong but the work he did made the field of psychology so famous he should never be forgotten. They just go hand in hand, you cant have one without the mother,

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Dr. Sigmund had just been named the new head psychiatrist at a mental hospital. (Long)

He decided to make the rounds of the ward and introduce himself to the patients. In the first hospital room he met Patient #1, who seemed to be playing an imaginary game of baseball

Dr. Sigmund asked, "Tell me, why were you placed in this hospital?"

"They're all jealous of me!" said P...

Why did Sigmund Freud cross the road?

To get to the mother side.

Sigmund Freud walks into a bar

Sits down and orders a banana daiquiri and a hotdog. He looks over to the stage and Mozart comes out and starts going crazy on a keyboard. Freud downs his drink, flips a few tables and runs out angrily. Mozart looks at the barman and asks, "What was that about?" The barman replies. "Pianist envy."

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It's Sigmund Freud's birthday today...

I wish him great happenis.

My friend Sigmund fell while walking on ice yesterday.

He had a Freudian slip.

My wife made a Freudian slip while we were making love.

She said, "Yes! Oh yes! Oh my God Sigmund!!"

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What does Sigmund Freud say comes between fear and sex?

fünf

(it helps if you say it out loud, and understand German) :-)

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What do you get when you cross king Midas, Medusa and Sigmund Freud?

One stone gold motherfucker.

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According to Sigmund Freud, sexual imagery pops up in the vast majority of art,

But this theory has been proven to be a phallusy.

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Anna Freud, asks Sigmund Freud

Anna Freud, before she became a great analyst, is in Vienna, at home with her father. The two of them are discussing psychoanalysis, when Anna turns to Freud and says "There is one thing I have always been meaning to ask that I am not sure about: What is the phallus?" Freud says "Well, this is somet...

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Sigmund Freud is talking to his buddy ...

... and the conversation turns to sex, as often happens. Freud says, "I'm thinking about taking out Carl's daughter."

"Carl's daughter?" says the buddy in disbelief. "Isn't she a little Jung?"

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Sigmund Freud sits down for tea with his mother..

Sigmund Freud is sitting down for a cup of tea with his dear mother, who has her nose in a book. She gasps, and Freud asks why. And so she responds: "why, Siggy, according to these scientists, our universe is only one of many! We live in parallel with millions of other realities where everything tha...

Someone asked me if I would bet on Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic theory of personalityl

I replied I'm all Id

What did Sigmund Freud say when he had an epiphany?

Urethra!

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A Jewish joke (as told by Sigmund Freud)

One Jew says to another, “Have you taken a bath?”
The other replies: "No. Is one missing?"

From *Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious*

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What were Sigmund Freuds roommates doing when they mocked him for his pent up sexual frustrations?

S~~c~~hadin'freude

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Do you want to hear the story on Sigmund Freud? NSFW

It takes a while but it gets to the mother fucking point.

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What happens when you give Sigmund Freud and Oedipus a bunch of cocaine?

A mother fucking awesome party.

3 Psychoanalysts walk into a bar

Bartender says: we have every beer from around the world. What can I get you fellas?

Sigmund Freud says: I’ll have an Austrian lager in a pint glass

Carl Jung says: I’ll have a Swiss lager also in a pint glass

Bartender looks at the third guy and says: where you from buddy?
...

I had a party for the worlds greatest historical figures, here are their RSVPs

Isaac Newton: "I'll drop in."

Socrates: "I'll think about it."

Charles Darwin: "I'll wait to see what evolves."

Marie Curie: "I am radiating enthusiasm."

Ivan Pavlov: "I'm positively drooling at the thought."

Albert Einstein: "It will ...

My grandpa believes he is best friends with Freud.

But I keep telling him he is just a Sigmund of his imagination.

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