UPJOKE

I Forgot Jokes

If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it."

That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today.

That’s 7 years in a row now.

I forgot where my boomerang was

Then it hit me.

Ah yes, I forgot it!

Sometimes I experience both amnesia and dejà vu at the same time, and I'm like:"Yep, I've forgotten this before ".

I forgot how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.

I’M LIVID.

I forgot about Dre

I was supposed to pick him up at the airport.

So I was visiting South Korea but I forgot my phone and I had no map.

It was a true Seoul searching journey.

I was getting the Xmas decorations down from the attic when i found a present i forgot to give last year.....

Shame, as the kids would have loved that puppy.

I forgot to shave my sundial yesterday...

..hence the five o'clock shadow

I went for a run , but came home back after 2 minutes because I forgot something

I forgot that I was fat and couldn't run for more than 2 minutes.

I forgot the gaeilge for weather

Aimsir it'll come back to me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I forgot why I decided to jerk off into the fan...

But it's all cumming back to me.

I forgot my phone when I went to the toilet this morning.

We have 368 tiles.

A man is at the checkout line of a supermarket when he realises he forgot to buy condoms

A man is at the checkout line of a supermarket when he realises he forgot to buy condoms.

When his turn arrives, he looks at the cashier and asks "I'm sorry, I forgot to buy condoms, can you ask someone to bring me a packet?"

"That's fine", she tells him, "what size do you need?". He'...

My husband: I forgot how to spell briefly

Me: do you remember how to spell now?

I went Chopin but I forgot my Liszt

So I'll go Bach home

I forgot my date’s name...

...who knew fruit could be so difficult?

I forgot the Netflix password.

Who here remembers it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's boomers, millennials then GenZ so what's the next generation going to be?

Fucked.

I forgot how to walk

I got waltzheimers.

I forgot to weed my garden.

The plot thickens

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pizza guy: your total is $26.34

Me: I can't afford that

Pizza guy: well you're gonna have to pay some other way, then

Me: \[takes out wallet\] wait I forgot I had 30 bucks

Porn director: Cut, WTF?

I forgot I marinated the beef 3 days ago.

I think I put more thyme in it than I should.

I failed my Shakespeare test because I forgot to study and I used the wrong pencil.

I couldn't tell whether it was 2B or not 2B.

I forgot to renew the fee for my Scrabble membership

Now they’re sending me threatening letters!

I forgot to save my new book, “1000 Ways to Cure an Itch” before my computer died.

Guess I’m starting again from scratch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend was angry after I forgot to buy tampons.

Apparently telling her to "go with the flow" wasn't a good response

I forgot to tell you that you will die today

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."


The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis fell off and I forgot how to attach it.

But then I remembered.

I forgot how much I hated Nickelback until you blasted their song on the radio...

And this is how you remind me?!!!

I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill.

Now I’m in arrears.

I forgot to visit my depressed girlfriend

I kind of left her hanging

I asked my grandpa: “ after 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What’s the secret?”

Grandpa: “I forgot her name five years ago and I’m scared to ask her."

I forgot - what's the name of that two-faced villain, something "dent"?

Never mind, I was able to remember. It is President.

Shoot! I forgot to vote...

If only the internet would have reminded me.

I forgot one of my daughter's birthday presents in the closet....

After six weeks, that pony really began to reek....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't believe I forgot the joke about Midas and Oedipus

It was mother fucking gold

I think I forgot my gmail password.

Yo CIA could you DM it to me?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They told me i couldn't eat the food i forgot in my basement 50 years ago

Little did they know i can

I felt like I forgot something before I left the house, and, gosh darn it...

It was the Alamo.

I’m so busy with Covid and homeschool that I forgot to drain the kids mac & cheese.

Next time I'll set a Google Colander reminder...

My wife was annoyed that I forgot to get bread at the Indian grocery store

I'm not sure what she's so mad about. I see this as a naan-issue.

My girlfriend is so smart!

I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.

She answered: "What's up, honey?"

What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

I came up with a great joke about a boomerang but I forgot it.

I'm sure it'll come back to me.

I forgot to keep my subscription to Scrabble Club up to date.

Now they've started sending me threatening letters.

I forgot to pay for my exorcism

So I got repossessed.

I forgot who wrote The Great Gatsby so I asked my English teacher...

What did Scott Fitzgerald ever do to him?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A king summons three of his most loyal subjects to a meeting

The king looks at the first man, who was named Rand.

"Rand, kiss my hand!" he orders.

Rand obeys him and kisses his hand. The king looks at the second subject, who was called Lee.

"Lee, kiss my knee!"

Lee obeys and kisses his king's knee. The king turns in the direction o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pavlov walks into a bar

He orders a pint and sits at a table sipping his beer.

Suddenly the phone rings.
"Oh shit!" Pavlov exclaims, jumping up to his feet. "I forgot to feed the dogs!"

I forgot to buy baking paper

Looks like my cooking will be foiled again...

So funny I forgot to laugh.

Me: *tells bad joke*

Buddy: That's so funny I forgot to laugh!

Me: So is that what Alzheimer's is like?

Buddy: That's so funny I forgot to laugh!

All day I felt like I forgot something very important, then Don Cherry reminded me..

I need to start looking for a job.

There's this amazing joke about Saudi Arabia's currency, but I forgot where I heard it

Then I remembered that I found the Riyal joke in the comments

I was bragging that I knew the hex code for every color, but then I forgot the one for blue

Yea, that was a big 0000FF

Him "I know we agreed to trade my cheese for your chicken, but I forgot the cheese at home. Will you still give me the chicken?"

Her "Absolutely not! You know what they say: 'No parm, no fowl!'".

I forgot my joke about a lollipop...

I swear it was on the tip of my tongue!

I forgot to put the reference in italics on my essay.

so i got markdown

If I had a dollar for every punchline I forgot...

Uh...damn it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I forgot to draw the curtain before having a wank today.

"Get the fuck out of our changing rooms," said the assistant at H&M.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I forgot what it was like to have sex with my wife.

Thankfully my friend reminded me.

I went out partying and drinking last night, and I forgot to feed my pet rabbit.

I really let my hare down.

Two flat tyres...

I forgot to zip up my trouser.

So a lady told me politely, "Sir, your garage is open".

I gave her a naughty smile as I zipped up and asked, "Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?".

She smiled back and said, "No, just one small Toyota with two flat tyres".

I forgot my second "N" before going to work at the library today...

...let's just say this blunder will go down in the "Anals of History".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss called this morning and shouted,

“Where the fuck are you? It’s 8:30 and you were supposed to start at 8.”

“Relax, I’m in my office.” I replied.

“Quit the shit!” he roared. “I’m standing in your office.”

So I went, “Oh, sorry mate, I forgot to tell you about my new job.”

I forgot a bag of groceries in my taxi.

It's been driving me bananas.

I woke up this morning and I forgot in which side the sun rises.

Then it dawned on me.

I tried to come up with a pun for flour and sugar but I forgot.

I'll have to sift through my mind to find it.

I told my first date to meet me at Starbucks because I forgot her name

But the date went horribly wrong since Starbucks got her name wrong.

Once I forgot to bring my ventriloquist dummy to a show and I had use a voodoo doll of myself,

It was a pain in the hole.

I forgot the joke about the Jonestown Massacre.

All I remember is that the punchline killed

For Christmas my wife wanted a stuffed Reynard, but I forgot. So...

Zero fox given.

A woman goes on a business trip overseas, leaving her husband behind to look after the house and kids.

After a few days she calls up to see how everything is.

"Everything's fine" he says. "The kids are finally sleeping OK without you here, and my boss has given me an extra week off until you're back. Oh! I forgot to say, the cat's dead! She was hit by a car!"

"What!?" Says the wife. "A...

I forgot to pack a fork with my lunch today.

It was a pointless lunch.

I forgot my wife's anniversary again this year

So she told me to make up for it she expects to see something in the driveway that goes 0 to 200 in two seconds the next morning. The next morning she goes into the driveway and sees a small package wrapped up. She opens it up and find a scale inside.

I was gonna tell a joke about Electricity,

But I forgot Watt it was.

Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning

I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

I forgot to wear my Halloween costume to work.

I was gonna go as the Invisible Deaf Mute Man.

I forgot to do the dishes again, and as punishment my wife read me the collected works of Kafka

I never did hear the end of it

Someone broke into my house so I hid in the closet with my phone, but I forgot to set it to silent...

Luckily when I got a text I managed to fake cough over it so he wouldn't hear

I forgot what I'm allergic to, I'm trying to remember...

..its on the tip of my tongue

I can't believe I forgot to bring sunscreen to the beach....

...boy was my face red.

Unpacking my bag after arriving at the hotel in Spain and realise I forgot to pack my toiletries bag...

After the long flight I desperately needed some stuff from my bag so without hesitation went to the closest shop. I asked the Spanish man behind the counter if he had any deodorant, he replied in a broken English accent “ball or aerosol” confused I said “no no just for my armpits please”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I forgot to put the seat belt on my five-year- old boy this morning...

As we were leaving the car park, somebody shouted, "You are an irresponsible father!"

I said, "Who the fuck was that? Stop the car, son."

I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor

I asked an old man, "Even after 95 years, you still call your wife 'Darling', 'Honey', 'Love'. What's the secret?".

OLD MAN: "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her"

Yesterday was brutal. I forgot to apply the parking brake on my car...

And then it just went downhill from there.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.