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Magdalen Jokes

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It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, ‘I've been sav...

Jesus paid Saint Peter a visit at the pearly gates

“How’s it going, Pete?”

“Kinda weird. Just had this nice older guy with a guitar come in, he said he was looking for a lost shaker of salt.

I said I don’t know where it is, but I thought I saw Mary Magdalene with one. He then just chuckled, said 'I knew it!' and walked away shaking h...

Why did Mary Magdalene have an affair with Jesus?

She heard about his second coming

Why was Mary Magdalene upset with Jesus?

Bevause he holy ghosted her.

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Mary Magdalene sends nudes to Jesus

Jesus: Sends picture of bread
Mary: WTF
Jesus: This is my body

What did Jesus do when Mary Magdalene tracked dirt through the house?

Jesus swept.

Mary Magdalene is about to be stoned for adultry

Just as the crowd was about to start throwing rocks, Jesus walks up and says "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Nobody moves, but then a stone comes flying out from the crowd and hits Mary right in the face. Jesus turns to see who threw the stone and says "I told you not to bother me...

Jesus and Mary Magdalene were having difficulties in the bedroom. After the 2nd try, Jesus said...

"Don't worry, it'll rise again".

So the crowd is ready to stone Mary Magdalene when Jesus steps between them and her

saying, "Let anyone who is without sin cast the first stone."

Whereupon this middle-aged woman steps out of the crowd and lobs a rock the size of a pigeon egg, striking Jesus smack in the middle of the forehead.

Whereupon Jesus says, "Come off it, Ma!"

Did you know NBC once considered a diet & fitness show based on people such as Air Force Amy, Mary Magdalene, Heidi Fleiss, Charles Ponzi, Berni Madoff, and Donald Trump?

The pilot was cancelled because they didn't want to weigh the pros and the cons.

Your mama is old...

She used to share a corner with Mary Magdalen.

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In Texas, close to the border with Mexico, there was a priest who hated Mexicans

That Sunday, after reading the Bible, the priest started his sermon:

"Today we'll reflect on Peter's lie about being a follower of Jesus. That night, Peter acted as a coward and a liar, just like these damn Mexicans we see every day in this town!"

The whole congregation started to shou...

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Jesus On The Cross

This is a joke I heard some time ago. I'm paraphrasing real bad (from another language as well), but I'll try:

Jesus is on his cross, with his people grieving below him. Suddenly, he says:

"Mother, are you standing down there?"

To which she replies: "Yes, of course, my child."<...

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Mary Gets Stoned

Jesus was drawing in the dirt with a stick, when a crowd of men brought Mary Magdalene in. They said they had caught her in the act of adultery and believed she should be stoned, but they asked Jesus to share his thoughts on the matter.

"Let him among you who is without sin cast the first st...

Golgatha, And The Romans Have Christ On The Cross

All of Christ's followers are there: Mary Magdalene, Mark, Luke, and Peter, weeping as their savior hangs, dying.
As he consoles Mary, Peter hears Christ's faint voice,"Peter. Peter. Come here..."
Peter goes to Christ, "Yes my Lord?"
But the Roman guards are quick, and they beat Pete...

Three blondes die and go to Heaven.

Stop laughing, that's not the whole joke.

They're standing outside the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes out and says, "Welcome to Heaven. We've been having some problems with break-ins lately, so I just need you to answer one simple question, and you can get in to Heaven. What is Easter?"...

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