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Life And Death Jokes

Two guys are in a bar, discussing life and death.

“Arrr, my grandpa died this week,” says the first guy. “He was in the hospital, and we was trying to get a blood transfusion fer him. The problem was, we weren’t too sure what blood type he was. But you know what? That man kept saying ‘Be positive, be positive’ all throughout the visit. Most optimis...

A man was riding on the bus and reading and article about life and death statistics. Fascinated he turns to the fellow sitting next to him and says "did you know that everytime I breathe somebody's dies?"

The fellow turns to him and says "have you tried mouthwash?"

This Egyptian bird was giving me trouble...

...talking about life and death and the afterlife, threatening me and demanding sacrifices.

When I'd had enough I yelled: "Begone, Thoth!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Both a surgeon and a tattoo artist have to have a steady hand,

With the surgeon it's the difference between life and death, with the tattoo artist it's the difference between a beautiful mermaid and a fat bitch with an fish up her ass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italian and a Rabbi are riding on a train together...

They get acquainted, and at one point the Italian takes some sausage out of his bag and offers some to his companion.

Rabbi asks, "Is it made from pork?"

"Yes", replies the Italian.

"Well then, I can't eat it. It's not kosher. God's law."

The Italian shrugs and eats the...

Biology is important

It’s a matter of life and death.

(Original) A professor, a construction worker, a biologist, and a doctor walk into a bar.

A professor, a construction worker, a biologist, and a doctor walk into a bar.

First the professor sighs. The bartender asks him what's wrong. The professor says, "As you can see, I'm a professor of philosophy, and today I went in too deep. I was in a lecture and was explaining a particularly...

There was a contest in a town..

There was a contest in a town to win a flight on a private jet with Donald trump and there was three winners, a kid, a priest, and a teacher.

As they were on their flight, the pilot just immediately dies and the plane starts to crash. There was only four people and three parachutes and so the...

What is reincarnation? A cowboy asks his friend.

It starts, his old pal told him, when your life comes to an end.

They wash your neck and comb your hair and clean your fingernails,

And put you in a padded box away from life's travails.

The box and you goes in a hole that's been dug in the ground.

Reincarnation starts in...

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