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January 1st Jokes

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 1080p and above.

It's my new year's resolution.

Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?

Because it's only the first date.

When I woke up on January 1st, I was surprised to see that my wife looked very pixelated.

She saw the expression of confusion on my face and said, "oh, don't worry honey, this is just my new year's resolution"

I can't wait until January 1st, 2021.

That way I can say hindsight is really 20/20!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On January 1st I joked to my wife we haven’t had sex all year.

Just like last year.

It's January 2nd and the First Officer on a cruiser is looking at the Captain's Log from the previous day.

He sees "January 1st: First Officer Simpkins arrived on the bridge drunk today" and he says to the captain, "Sir, I feel this log entry is a little unfair. True, I did see the New Year in with an extra tot, but nothing out of the ordinary for the occasion, and I was well capable of carrying out my d...

My friend Jack …

… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.


“Oh my god!” he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, “What happened last night?!”


Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to ...

I found some dusty old boxes in my closet and in them were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw...

There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.

Then, I got to the one that sparked the most memories: My grandfather's most prized collection!!

Every day since January 1st, 1949, he co...

New Years resolution

Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year’s Resolution

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't get scammed like me

Here is a scam....... Be careful!!!
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while at Home Depot. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you. Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20 year-olds girls come over to your car as you are loading your vehic...

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